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MMC - Don't know what to do with myself
Hi Ladies
I am so sad to be joining this forum and wsa dreading the day it happened, as I am sure all of you were.
I had a very light brown spotting at 4 weeks and had an early scan which showed I was not quite as far along as I thought, when back 2 weeks later and was dating at 6w1d and all was looking ok, as they couldn't see the heartbeat, thinking it was too early had to go back a week later only to find I had a retroverted uterus and they could not see clearly but there appeared to be growth. 4th and final scan today showed MMC at 6w3d's. I am so totally devastated, OH and I had not planned this pregnancy but were very happy about it albeit after much crying and debate and now it hardly seems worth it.
I decided at the hospital to let nature take its course but as soon as I got home changed my mind thinking that it hasn't done so in 4 weeks and I just don't know how much longer it will take, given I have all the same symptoms I don't think I can handle that! Booked in for ERPC on friday but wish it was sooner now.
Not sure if OH is going to want to try again and that hurts no end as my heart tells me I am a mummy but apparently my body didn't want to accept it. I feel so rejected and like I have let everyone down. I have hardly slept tonight, hence the 3am post and just keep playing things over in my mind, what the hell did I do wrong!!!
Sorry for the long post ladies, I know there are some ladies in here that have also come over from the October forum in the last few days and I just want to say how sad I am for all our loses!
xxx
I am so sad to be joining this forum and wsa dreading the day it happened, as I am sure all of you were.
I had a very light brown spotting at 4 weeks and had an early scan which showed I was not quite as far along as I thought, when back 2 weeks later and was dating at 6w1d and all was looking ok, as they couldn't see the heartbeat, thinking it was too early had to go back a week later only to find I had a retroverted uterus and they could not see clearly but there appeared to be growth. 4th and final scan today showed MMC at 6w3d's. I am so totally devastated, OH and I had not planned this pregnancy but were very happy about it albeit after much crying and debate and now it hardly seems worth it.
I decided at the hospital to let nature take its course but as soon as I got home changed my mind thinking that it hasn't done so in 4 weeks and I just don't know how much longer it will take, given I have all the same symptoms I don't think I can handle that! Booked in for ERPC on friday but wish it was sooner now.
Not sure if OH is going to want to try again and that hurts no end as my heart tells me I am a mummy but apparently my body didn't want to accept it. I feel so rejected and like I have let everyone down. I have hardly slept tonight, hence the 3am post and just keep playing things over in my mind, what the hell did I do wrong!!!
Sorry for the long post ladies, I know there are some ladies in here that have also come over from the October forum in the last few days and I just want to say how sad I am for all our loses!
xxx
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Replies
Im just new on here and in a similar position to you and after natural route not working and medical management not working i was due to have a scan tomorrow to confirm i need erpc which i really didnt want however, i passed my baby tonight...at home alone and it was very traumatic and a horrible thing to see (my 'baby' not that it resembled anything wasnt horrible it was the experience of how it happened that was as its just so sad)
My baby was planned and i did everything i could to prepare for it and we are so lost. Im glad the baby is out now as i can start to move on physically but not emptionally. We wil prob try again in May after i have a period....would have waited 2 cycles maybe if i had erpc (fingers crossed everything is out and i dont need that 2) and hopefully cycle will setlle down fairly quickly.
Im also on msn if any body wants to chat.
Lx
I am not sure if they will let me try that though as there are no real signs of baby wanting to leave.
I just feel so empty!
My thoughts are with you all and your OH's, i'm sure we'll all get through it xXx
firstly please don't beat yourself up, and secondly read my post from yesterday-we are all in the same boat here. My partner's immediate reaction was he wasn't going to put me through it again, but now he is keen to have another go. And it doesn't matter whether a pregnancy is planned, there is a hell of a difference between unplanned and unwanted. Medical management didn't work for me, and from alot of the posts on here it seems quite common for it to fail. I certainly know I would not let myself (or OH for that matter) go through that again. If (God forbid) the same happens next time I will demand to go to theatre. It used to be the case to go the same day as the scan, and I think sending people home to await such a traumatic event, or with an appointment to return x days later is incredibly cruel. I hope you are OK. It is 4 weeks ago today that I found out our baby had died and it is still very raw.(((((hugs)))))
When I think back to yesterday it all seems a bit surreal and I keep thinking to myself did that really happen?! However the empty feeling and shrinking feeling I have tells me that it did. It was all so quick and such a blur, I believe having the erpc was her best thing to do as from the moment it was confirmed I just wanted it gone as quickly as possibly so that I could not feel phyically involved still -that doesn't make much sense I know. It was quick and painless I have to say and the only thing now that is a bit of a problem, is that it hurts to wee a bit.
I have never had any kind of surgery ever in my life and never been under anesthetic or anything so I ticked a few of those 'I've never done that before' boxes and have black and blue hands from where they had trouble getting in the needles - apparently I have naughty veins?! I don't even like needles but decided to be super brave -lol
I am afraid of how mentally this will all come out in the wash, so to speak, but at least we have the support of each other and you all are really lovely ladies and none of us deserved this, but unfortunatley our little beans were not to be. There is nothing we could have done, its just one of those things tat was not meant to be this time round.
I am here is anybody wants to chat too.
Lots of love to you all xxxx
[Modified by: Dottie1 on March 24, 2009 10:21 AM]
It has an 80% sucess rate so it its for everyone but i had to give it a try and i got there in the end so im glad i did, I dont know if all hospitals offer this treatment though. If it was a choice between erpc and natural route i would have chose the natural route even though the wait would have been hellish but thats just me everyone reacts differentl to the news and in between devestation with the missed miscarriage we have further agonising decisions to make, The reason i opted to try medical was to hurry nature along a little as i didnt want to be in limbo for weeks....
I hope i didnt sound like i was saying that as my baby was planned my loss was worse (as a few seem to have commented that makes no difference and it doesnt) its just i may have been picked up wrong so just wanted to clear that up if thats the case....i just meant that whether you plan it or not you have no control over things i did everythng i could to make things go 'alright' and i see many people sail through pregnancies not even knowing they are pregnant til far along every day and that hurts....
Anyway, enough babbling from me but i wouldnt always dismiss medical management without a thought as for many women (like the erpc is for many) will be the right decision.
Take Care,
Lx