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Update-sorry it has taken 4 weeks

Hi guys
I posted on here the morning I was due to go to hospital for medical management of my missed miscarriage. I thought long and hard bout whether to let other people know what happened (don't want to scare anyone) but now 4 weeks after it all I feel strong enough.
I was admitted for medical management to find the gynae ward was full. So they admitted me to a POSTNATAL ward. Full of smiling Mums with new babies, balloons, flowers, happy laughing relatives and babies crying.OK I thought, a little insensitive maybe but let's just get on with it. The Doctor took 2 hours to arrive, wasn't interested in my questions and had her handbag swinging from her arm as she (roughly) inserted the pessaries which signalled the end of my pregnancy. Cramps started quite quickly but I had no bleeding.After 6 hours they said I needed another dose, at which point I asked if I could go to theatre (again). I knew my partner would not be able to stay with me, and didn't want another 6 hours of pain with ne "result". Eventually they agreed and started to fast me for theatre. Just after the Aneasthetist came I felt a "gush" (sorry) and bled through a maternity pad, pants and jogging bottoms in one go. So theatre was cancelled as I sat crying on the (thank God) en-suite toilet bleeding into a bed pan liner until 3.30am (having sent poor other half home when the worst of the clots and "products" had been lost. I was heartbroken but relieved it seemed to be over so I could go home. I hadn't expected to stay overnight but thought it was over. Wrong.
The next morning my partner returned, and a Dr came to "check it was complete". This involved an internal and then a spuculum examination. She then asked for a bowl and forceps and proceeed to remove more products of conception. (I hate that term.)
She then told me I needed another dose as the miscarriage was not complete. At this point I lost the plot and demanded they take me to theatre. After alot of (rather heated) discussion they decided to send me for a scan. We waited 5 hours for a scan slot (at one point being told "no chance, it's a Friday so it will be Monday now") (over my dead body.) Then I needed a trans vaginal scan which I found uncomfortable (so stressed I was climbing the wall by this stage.) which (surprise surprise) showed retained products. Back to the ward. More discussion, another Dr and another speculum examination. Another bowl and forceps. Only this time it hurt, and I mean REALLY hurt.My cervix had partially closed and she was trying to pull out products that were obviously trapped in my cervical canal..The Midwife looking after me stopped her after I started shaking uncontrollably and crying (again.) So they eventually decided that I would go to theatre. (This was Friday tea-time, I had asked to go to theatre on the Tuesday when we'd had that awful scan.) To cut a long story short I eventually went to theatre for an evac at 9.30pm and was discharged home at lunchtime on the Saturday.
Now the final kick in the teeth. I was sitting waiting for the consultant to come round so I could be discharged and I picked up my notes which were on my bed. The reason for admission was stated as TERMINATION OF PREGNANCY.
I was gutted. I'd had 4 days and 4 nights with no sleep, 2 of which had been spent on a postnatal ward listening to babies non-stop.I'd had my dreams stamped on and was devastated to lose a planned for and wanted baby in such a cruel way and then I read that. Talk about insensitive.
Incidentally I am a trained Midwife-I worked in that hospital and knew the staff who cared for me. As such I think I actually got preferential treatment! The staff told me had I gone to Gynae I could have been on a 4 bedded ward with a shared loo which may well have been occupied at the time I started to bleed so heavily. I'd spiked a temperature during the treatment, then not had obs re-done on time,my partner had been left sitting outside theatre for over an hour after being told the evac was a 10 minute procedure, and no one had told him I was OK until I came out to return to the ward. He was as traumatised as me.
After coming home I bled until last week, and had a UTI. To cap it all as I had to take 3 weeks off work, I have now lost my job. (I am self employed so cannot do a thing about this.) We opted for hospital burial, and don't know if this has been done. I was supposed to have a visit from the bereavement support Midwife, this did not happen. My Partner was with me for an extra week as his work gave him time off to look after me, and that first day alone was the worst. We are both still so upset. I know it will get easier.
One last thing. It is 4 months tomorrow since we found out, and the baby had died at least 3 weeks prior to that.When will I get a period? I feel pre menstrual but I think it's just stress. I just wish they'd listened when I asked to go to theatre on the Tuesday. It would have been over so much quicker, and easier. I was scared of having a GA but it was fine in the end (despite the venflon that was put in on admission having tissued and it taking 2 attempts to find a vein in theatre!) I was gibbering like a bloody idiot when they took me through to theatre, but it was quick and painless, not like sitting on those bedpan liners filling them with blood for hours, which was awful.
I am sorry this is all so graphic, but it was my experience. I would never recommend medical management to anyone. They told me complications were rare but look at me.
I just want to be pregnant again but am terrified. I'm 39 so cannot wait until we start trying. I know when I get a period it will devastate me and not knowing when it will come is very stressful.


  • 4 weeks not 4 months.Derrrrr......see. Brain hasn't moved back in yet.
  • im so sorry you had a traumatic time,can you not take it up with the hospital?and put in an official complaint?
    altho i was traumatised and numb,i opted for medical management,the staff were fab to me and OH,we had scan on monday 8am,then fromthere were booked in for 745am the following day for ERPC,i was terrifieds d about the general as last time i had general it tissued and i remember screaming at them as i fell asleep,but thats very rare,this time they were lovely and i was put to sleep in a side room(last time i was having ovarian cyst removed and had to walk into theatre,never again!!),they were reassuring,gentle and sympathetic,they encouraged me to eat and drink and i was on 4 bedded gynae ward,i cannot fault the staff.
  • Hi Rubybaby

    I am absolutely speechless at the horrendous way you were treated. I cannot believe how insensitive they were. I am so sorry you had to go through that.

    After my first mc I was told that medical management was not an option for a few weeks because the wards were being renovated and it meant the gynae ward was temporarily next to the post natal and it'd be too traumatising. I cannot believe they put you on the PN ward....I am disgusted at this!

    I am glad you are feeling a little stronger now - that must have been such an awful time for you. As if having a mc isn't bad enough.

    As for getting your period, it's usually 4 - 6 weeks after a mc but I've never had medical management so not sure if that makes a difference.

    I hope you can now concentrate on your emotional healing and begin looking to the future and trying again when you are ready.

    You're in my thoughts.

    Take care, NN xxx
  • hi i am sorry that you had such a bad experiene - i would complain to the hospital - i was admitted on Friday for medical management but unfortunately it didnt work for me and i now need a d&c but am having a scan tomorrow to confirm this but i know i havent passed my baby yet.

    My expereince wasnt as bad as yours i was admitted into EPU in a side room so i didnt have to see anyone who had just had a new baby or even anyone who was pregnant as i was first there in the morning and last away - i had taken 1st tablet 48hrs previously with no effect. Had 1st lot of pessaries inserted and nothing my cervix was still closed had 2nd lot then started 2 cramp and bleed quite alot but only passed some largish clots had 3rd lot of pessaries (all 3 hrs apart) and nothing pain and bleeding died down and i was sent home - i have been bleeding just like a normal period not too heavy and no clots and i havent needed painkillers but im mega pissed off now with my body.

    I think you have had a very awful expereince and im so sorry for that, Its 3 weeks today since my baby died (i should happily be 10+2 now and i found out well over a week ago) and i have still to be booked into theatre - i am so worred about comlications and risks on future pregnancies as this was my first one and i am devestated - we are going to wait til June to try (hopefully i will have a period in May then again in June fingers crossed) and will try then to give my body a chance to recover....we got pregnant our first month trying as we didnt stress and thought we would just see what happens which is even more cruel as now it will prob take us months!!! Its double cruel as we originally planned to wait til June then decided just to go for it at new year! I am paranoid if i did get pregnant in June it would be bad as baby june in march and after this march and last march (found out my mum had cancer then that it was terminal - she died in september) i couldnt see a happy outcome anyway i hope to get pregnant quickly in July but that seems so far away just now! Had medical management worked i would have prob tried straight away!

    Eeek sorry for going off on a personal rant there!

    I wish you all the best for when you want to start to ttc again!

  • I'm so sorry it was so traumatic for you. Being a mw you would have thought they would have listened to your wishes. (Although they should have done that whatever!)

    I had an ERPC, and I had my first af 5 weeks after. I bled for 17 days, then 18 days nothing, then af arrived.

    Give it a little longer. xx

  • My GOD I cannot believe the way you were treated. It is absolutely shocking and the staff there have a lot to answer for. Especially that bloody doctor with the handbag!!
    And your poor OH having to wait an HOUR to find out you were ok!! I cannot believe it. Honestly, you poor thing, my heart goes out to you.
    I really hope you get yourself back on track physically soon and get that af so that you can get back to bding and trying again for a baby you richly deserve.
    Sending you a bug hug.
  • I have sent in letters to head of midwifery, the consultant,a midwife matron complaining. Not holding my breath but I think it actually helped getting it down on paper in a way. I am lucky that my partner is being brilliant. I have 2 children (14 and 12) and my 12 year old daughter is also being fantastic. I keep getting E mails from Cow & Gate and Aptamil baby clubs though, and first day home my NHS exemption certificate came through. It just seems bumps and babies are everywhere. Last week we took my daughter's pony and partner's horse to dressage, a toddler wandered over the car park and I just dissolved into a heap. I'd prepared myself for an amnio so had focused on 16 weeks (which I would be now) and had never even considered I would miscarry. I felt let down by my body too-first it failed the baby, then it let me keep thinking I was still pregnant, and then the misoprostol didn't work either. I am still angry at myself and the hospital. Just so want to be pregnant again and be back on that postnatal ward under happier circumstances. I used to play hell when we had women on the ward for sterilisation if gynae was full-my partner was horrified at where we ended up. xxx
  • I am so sorry for your loss, and absolutely astounded by the treatment you received. I was lucky enough to go to a hospital where the staff couldn't do enough to make my time there as pleasant as possible (given what I was in for).

    I went into hospital 2 days after my 20 week scan, and was given the pessaries at 8.30am. The cramps etc started pretty much immediately, and at 2.50pm I passed my baby. Unfortunately, the placenta hadn't separated so I went through another couple of hours of cramps, before being told I would be going into theatre. The aneasthetists were brilliant, they really looked after me. I opted for a spinal block rather than a general anesthetic. I was advised not to have the general because I had vomited within 6 hours of needing the anesthetic. The experience wasn't that bad, as I couldn't see or feel anything and the procedure only lasted around 15 minutes.

    The only thing that I wish the hospital staff had done, was look after my husband better. Like you Rubybaby, he was given the impression I would be back in my room within an hour. I actually returned after 2 1/2 hours, due to me running a termperature and the sister in recovery not wanting to return me to my room until after the IV of paracetamol was empty. He spent the whole time clock watching, he didn't want to ask anyone where I was because he was terrified of the answer he may receive.

    Overall, the staff did the best they could to make OH and I as comfortable as possible. One good thing that came out of this is that I have no qualms about giving birth in that hospital, when I am lucky enough to do so.

    That was all three weeks ago today, so I can't help regarding the period information as I am still bleeding although only very very lightly.

    I wish you all the best of luck with ttc. Fingers crossed and everything.

    Lots of hugs


  • Hi Rubybaby,
    I am so so sorry you were put through all that stress and trauma. It is hideous enough losing a much wanted baby let alone everything else they put you through. I would forward on a copy of your letter to PAL of the hospital as well as they should follow it up. It is just hideous and leaves me speechless.
    We had a rough ride with our first MMC (although nothing compared to your expereince) and vowed should we have to go through anything like it again we would go private. Which is what we did the second time. It is awful to think you can't rely on the NHS at your 'time of need' but we didn't want to go through any extra unnecassary stress again.
    I am also sorry to hear about you losing your job. Seems like another cruel blow at this time. I do wonder how MW manage to return to work after a MC as I am still a sniffling wreck if I see a mother and baby or hear about births. Are you going to have a break from finding work for a whie?
    To answer your question: My ERPC was 5 wks ago and I still haven't had my AF. Lots of spots and hormones flying about so hoping it will ocme soon. The last time I had my AF 25 days after the ERPC.
    I am glad you are starting to feel stronger. Fingers crossed you get your AF soon. Sending you hugs, you deserve them!
    Lilou x
  • Rubybaby I was very distressed to read this post, its quite unbelievable. I am almost speechless for words to even find a way of trying to comfort you, I cannot possibly imagine how you must have felt. Angry is how I feel for you right now, you should never of had to suffer through anything like that, can't fathom what went through someones mind putting you in PN ward?!!!! What were they thinking, talk about pouring salt in to a wound. Goodness know its bad enough having to go through this situation but when people have such a little level of understanding and don't listen to you well, grrrrr

    I am sorry for the pain you must have felt and gone through and can only hope that now you can begin to heal and try to forget it a bit, not easy I know. Poor OH too big hug to him, must have been terrifying.

    Anyway I won't go on, but hope u will be ok and get AF soon so that you can get back to some kind of normality, whatever that is??!!

    Seems everyone deserves a hug on here today!!

    Love Lou x
  • I am so sorry for the way that you were treated and for all that you have been through. It's an absolute disgrace. I am however glad that you have posted your experiences on here and hope that it has helped you.

    I too had medical management which didn't work and ended up having erpc 3 weeks later but I was given a side-room with en suite and the staff were fabulous.
    I found out about mmc on 24 june, had medical management on 27 june and had erpc on 21 July (I think!) and didn't have first af til 5th Sept (when I was bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding - how typical!) so had to wait a while from when I first started to bleed.

    I would imagine after all you have been through that your first af could possibly take a while. it's anyone's guess though but anything up to about 8 weeks is fairly normal I believe.

    I hoep you start to heal soon and send you a huge hug. xxx
  • Hi Rubybaby

    I'm sitting here ready your blog and I'm absolutely furious at your treatment. I can't believe it. It must have been hell for you both.

    I had a third MMC last week and on all three occassions have opted for medical management. First time I had my own room and passed the baby within about half an hour but never passed the placenta. I was examined that night and kept in to continue with the medication for a second day. Still passed nothing so on the third day went to theatre.

    Second time (September) I was on a ward with another seven woman which made it a bit awkward when I could feel blood flooding from me and I couldn't use the toilet because one of the old dears was getting showered. (I feel like slapping myself now though for thinking that that was inconvenient given what you've been through) This time the pain was horrendous. It was that bad that it actually went through my mind that if this was like labour I didn't think I could go through with it. I passed the baby after a few hours and again no placenta. Exactly same as first time - tried again with medication second day and third day went to theatre.

    Last week I passed baby and placenta at the same time and was discharged later that evening.

    I got my period 43 days and 41 days after MMCs but that might have something to do with the fact that my periods are all over the place the best of times. My cycle can be anything from 28 to 43 which makes trying to judge ovulation really difficult so you may well get your period a lot sooner than that.

    I'm 34 and like you just want to get my period so we can start trying again. I'm desperate to be a mother.

    Sending you hugs, x
  • Have had reply from the hospital. They acknowledge that the care was not good enough, aplogised and say they are bringing the points up at next audit meeting. Won't change anything for me but if it improves matters for someone else it will be worth it I guess.
    As for not looking for another job-I wish! Things are so tight financially and with legal bills mounting I don't have much choice at the moment. OH has been ear marked for promotion so if and when that happens things will improve. In the meantime maybe it would help, give me something to focus on other than waiting for next AF!
  • Hi Rubybaby,

    I thought I would post an update as I think I am now able to answer your question regarding af. I say "I think" because I've been spotting continuously since ERPC, but things appear to have stepped up a gear although I have no cramps which I usually get on CD1.

    So on the assumption that CD1 was the day of the ERPC, then af arrived afer 23 days later. My cycles are usually 28 days.

    I hope this helps.

    All the best, and plenty of hugs.

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