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Neonatel birth at 20 weeks

Hi everyone, hope someone chats to me.

I was 19+5 when i went to the docs with a bit of spotting and discharge 3 days later had to be induced because my waters had ruptured and delivered my baby Hope, only to be told after i left the hospita that my baby had lived for 20mins and never had the opportunity to hold my baby alive and feel angry and cheated about this.

But am dealing with this and am really missing being pregnant, anxious about future pregnancy. My husband and i were sooo excited about our first baby and can t wait to try again. Part of me wants to just try straight away. Its only been 2 weeks and we want to have sex but also have been told for dating purposes to wait until had 1 period.

Has anyone had a live birth at 20 weeks or lost a baby at 20 weeks? Have you gone on to have a healthy pregnancy.

Love to hear from you.



  • Hi Alex, so sorry to hear about your tiny baby. I went to the SANDS lights of love service last night and cried buckets for my baby bean who I lost at 13 weeks. Many there talked about their babes born 'sleeping' and I have the greatest sympathy for those who carried their little ones for longer than I only to have their dreams cruelly dashed at the last hurdle.
    Please take comfort in the thought that many ladies go on to have healthy pregnancies following a loss. Xxxxxx
  • Hi Alex
    I'm so sorry for your loss.
    I was 11wks when I found out I was having twins but they'd stopped growing a 8wks. I know how heart broken I was at 11wks so I can imagine how you must feel, my heart goes out to you.

    I haven't been through what you have but I'll tell you about a friend of mine.
    She has lost 2 babies 1 at 5mths & 1 at 7mth & she had an ectopic before those. She now has 2 children, I know what a difficult time shes had. After my MMC in july she told me that when she held her son all the pain & hurt went away.
    I know nothing will make you feel better now but 1 day soon I hope your pain will ease.
    Take Care
    Love Helen x x
  • hi alex. so sorry for your loss, i lost a baby girl at 16 weeks and it was heartbreaking, she had died inside me so completely different situation to yours but i understand how you feel about being angry, my hospital never told me i had a choice of whether to have her buried or cremated, they just told me that they dealt with the cremation service, obviously we attended and i have her ashes now buried but i would never have chosen a cremation so i feel sad about that.

    Time really is a great healer and i would have cheerfully punched any one else who had said that to me at the time but hosestly it is, naturally you will worry throughout any more pregnancies but i have gone on to have 2 more healthy children since then and although i worried myself sick it was worth it all
  • Hayley,

    Thank you for you reply. Its hard to explain how i feel and i suppose only someone who has had a similar experience can understand but even now i feel guilty that i'm feeling less sad an emotional, weird isn't it. I guess moving on means feeling stronger but knowing that i never goes away, the feeling of loss.

    How long did you wait before you tried again? Did you do anything about the hospital blunders people are advising me to but i'm not sure and think it might make a difficult situation harder?

  • hi to be honest i didnt do anything about the hospital coz i didnt feel i had the strength to. i tried again almost straight away but had m/c at 11 weeks so i blamed myself although i was told that it was nothing to do with not leaving it long enough. You know when you feel ready to try again and that maybe straight away or it may be in a few months. try not to feel guilty about things, i used to wake up in the morning thinking about our little maddie and i even bought her a chrismas card on her first chrismas and a little teddy which helped me deal with it, as time goes on you do think about it less but it never completely leaves you.

    Good luck with everything you decide. xx
  • I work in a crematorium & deal with death all day long including babies & miscarriages which is difficult especially with me being pregnant however we hold a service each year for people who have lost their babies & this poem came from this years service- I hope it brings you some comfort at this time.

    The other side of midnight
    Not so many miles away
    Wrapped in hazy memories
    Our new-born babies play

    Tended safe by unknown hands
    In a place we cannot see
    Our babies live another life
    From earthly cares set free

    From the other side of midnight
    They visit us in sleep
    Caress our grief with infant hands
    When in our dreams we weep

    Though in our darkest days we seem
    A million miles apart
    In time we learn that other place
    Is really in our hearts

    The other side of midnight
    At last we learn to see
    Our babies live within us
    Cradled in our memory

    Take care xo
  • hi ppl, so sorry, i know how it feels to be cheated out of an early scan. i was 14+4 when i lost my baby, the baby was there at 5+6 but had ied between that scan and 7 weeks.but theres hope im now about 10 weeks pregnant with another baby dnt know when ill get a scan but i feel really angry with the midwife as they could have saved me alot of time if they hadnt treated me like a child ust because i was 18. They didnt even know id already had a baby before and i feel like i was pushed out because of my age. i hope u all have lovely wee babies soon x
  • hi Alex
    Very sorry about your loss, and that you never got a chance to hold your baby.
    The poem from misslauri86 is really moving. Made me cry.
    I hope you get the support you need from here.
    All the best for the future.
    Gina xx
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