feeling very low
i got pg the first month of trying in sept by bding around ov time but we miscarried in oct and felt very proud of myself when i managed to leave here and got into ttc forum again. i have found it really difficult recently. i have been off work sick and obviously had too much time on my hands. i have been reading pregnancy mags and books and been completely baby focused. i have been to docs about my long cycles and lack of peaks and am getting referred to fertility clinic next month if no bfp. but more and more of our friends are announcing their pregnancies. a friend of mine is due 2 weeks after i should have been, my aunt is due the same time i should have been. close friend is due in sept and this weekend we have found out 2 other of our friends are pg and due in oct. i feel terrible as i dont want to be around them as i find it too difficult. i feel totally selfish and gutted it's not me. i cant say anything to anyone as my close friends are pg and wouldnt understand anyway. also my mum is a bit crap too. she doesnt think i should be trying as it just happens (!) and the mc was not important as in her day women didnt know they were pg until 12 weeks and people just know too much now. in the epu after my scan she even said "i never had any trouble getting pregnant" so not the sort of mother you could talk to. my husband doesnt know what to say to help and i dont know what i want him to say. and got an invite today to a christening. to add to there has been a recent abortion on the outskirts of the family too, left until after 12 weeks for bad timing. i feel empty and angry and sad and bitter and guilty for feeling all of the above. i have cried for the past 2 days. i really need to find a new focus as i have another week off work. so what can i do that is not baby / ttc / child related to take my mind of it all?
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Replies
As for the family member who had an abortion after 12 weeks shame on her that is pretty irrisponsible. I can understand why it brings you sadness it brings me sadness too as I miscarried a baby at 18-19 weeks 7 years ago and it broke my heart. Sending you a big chocolatey easter hug and I understand about you not wanting to be around pregnant women it can really hurt me too. Thank god I have a brother and not a sister.
I havent spoken to you before but i just wanted to say sorry for how you are feeling and for your loss and that i know a little how you feel (as do we all)
I also got pregnant 1st month of trying (we didnt even BD more than normal it was just a case of we'l see what happens and then i found out at 9 weeks baby died just over 7 - despite a scan at 6+4 showin us heartbeat and so i opted for medical management) I feel completely alone - my mum sadly died in September, and i dont get on with my mother in law, my sis (who is 18) told me 'just to get over it' (shes more interested in being an 'auntie' to her friends baby due in 6 weeks) i also told my aunt (mums sister) but she hasnt bothered either i just got the whole 'at least u kno u can get pregnant' and 'it doesnt mean it will happen next time' stuff but i think it was more because she felt she had to do say something...this was all four weeks ago and i havent seen her despite her bein off work last week (i've been off for past 4) so she said she will come and see me next week when she is off - i said i will be back at work (was goin back on Monday but ended up at out of hours on Sunday night in a lot of pain and still have it a little) i said im off on Friday and i got a 'oh sorry im going out then see u sometime' text back - nice eh....i suppose i expected a bit more given that we were all fairly close growing up and when my mum was alive and seen as i only lost my mum 6 months ago i thot she would be there for me more and i dont have many close friends to talk to and i hardly see my dad so havent even bothered tellin him and my gran who i was close too as well is also dead.
As for bein around pregnant people i am gettin upset at the thouught of Coleen McLaughlin bein pregnant as how unfair is that? I dont have anyone in my family or round about us directly pregnant yet which is a good thing and i dont have abortions in the family either BUT i am a health visitor nurse so i have to go and visit new babies so im not looking forward to going back...i have to visit silly little girls who didnt mean to get pregnant and who complain due to the baby not sleeping overnight or because they cant go out as much anymore, or drue users and people who smole and drink but are pregnant and i also have to 'support' those who want abortions which i have always struggled with and i know more so now i will as it all just makes me so annoyed as its so unfair...
Sadly tho from bein on here it seems that those of us who want a baby so much and those of us who are ready to have one and have waited until the 'right time' to give a baby the best life possible are cruely the ones who suffer so much...
anyway sorry for goin on i didnt mean to make this about me (i just thot i would share my story and background) i have found this site a great help the past month as unfortunately we all know how everyone feels.
I hope u get ur bfp soon and if you have to go to the fertility clinic that might be a positive thing and help in the long run but i hope it works out for you...
Im here if you ever want to talk.
Lx
libranaster, i really should have known that as i have a theology masters degree! shame on me. i suppose that it's good then that i should be oving this weekend!
thank you lauz for sharing and i hope you are getting all the support you need.
we are going to blackpool today, once he gets ready, so that should be something fun to do.
A muslim friend also told me that traditionally women who have lost stay in for 40 days, and aren't supposed to see pregnant women, or newborns. She had never understood why, but I thought it was a great idea, it's the only way to avoid having to look at other women's visible fertility.
Whatever you choose to do, I'd avoid any family friendly places. I'm pregnant again but am not 12 weeks yet and have my original due date coming up. I'm still finding pregnant women hard to face.
I cut myself off from friends and became totallyobsessed with pregnant ppl - every day I would se someone who was pregnant and kept on thinking why not us??? It did my head in.
The only advice I can offer is to try to understand what is happening with your body and the cycles. I would ov late in the cycle so I bought a book on traditional chinese medicine and tried different things - cutting out aspartame made a huge difference to my cycle length, from 38 day to 28!!! Keep the faith that it will happen and take quality time to BD.
For us it happened between christmas and new year...I was relaxed and had given in to the fact that come my 35th b'day in Jan I was going to ask to be referred for IVF....I had a BFP 3 days before my birthday...so please don't give up hope...I spent 18 months wondering why it wasn't happening for us.
Goodluck xxxx
i am avoiding pregnant people at the moment as much as i can because it's stressing me out so much. with our friends as they are pg they arnt about so much anyway, so it doesnt look rude of me i hope.
Hope you are feeling a bit better and please don't worry about how you are feeling it is totally normal, i think we all feel like that and it isn't cause we hate pregnant ladies but rather that we are so sad about what has happened and it doesn't help being reminded of what and where we should be!
I will never forget walking out of the hospital, after my erpc, right past a heavily pregnant lady who was puffing on a fag under the sign that said No Smoking (now please don't get me wrong i don't believe in telling people how to live their lives but i felt so angry that i had given up every thing bad and lost my baby and she was busy puffing away and was fine it all felt so unfair not that i wanted anything bad to happen to her or her baby but just that i was so cross and sad that i had lost my baby ).
Sorry didn't mean to rant just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!
Love Rena x x
I found that my whole life became focused on getting pregnant to the extent that i was exhausted.
So just enjoy the weather these days, go out, take care of yourself, concentrate on you for a change. We are all here for you.
Libranaster and secret me i have no idea where you got you informations, i think these were not MUSLIM practices, but perhaps some traditional arabic acts, thats because i am a muslim and i never heard of it before
Love you all
Renee
i hate feeling like this
Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I too have an issue with people that are pregnant or with new babies. i just wish it was me! I guess it is just part of grieving. My experience is that unless you have had a MC people just don't seem to be able to truley understand all the different array of emotions that we feel. You need to give yourself space from these reminders that cause you pain and hopefully friends and family will repect that and try to look at it from your perspective.
As for finding other distractions, I have tried to focus on my fitness and go out walking everyday (as it's cheap!). I would like to lose some weight too as have gained weight with both my pregnancies/MCs. We also have planned a few days away and day trips for the week off to stay busy. Oh and pottering in the garden, digging up borders, cutting grass and planting new plants.
Hope the sun stays out!
Lilou x
im a aen teaching assistant, in a secondary school.
im am looking forward to going back but in the back of my mind im thinking, i should be ready to drop by now,
it doesnt help that one of my students is pregnant (at 15) and i was the one she chose to tell first.
Hope you get your BFP soon!
Lilou xx