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Feeling lost and a bit of a failure!
OH and I have had a pretty shitty week. I started bleeding on Sunday with cramping as well, so went to A&E (following advice from mw), but they couldn't really do much. After an hour and a half of waiting, they told me that they thought I was probably miscarrying, and recommended I go to the EPU on Monday.
Unfortunately the mw phoned to let us know there were no spaces and she had booked me in today at 11.45 instead. So this morning they confirmed at the scan that I had miscarried, I would have been 10 + 5.
I didn't even make it as far along as the last pregnancy. I know its stupid to think this way, but it's difficult not to question what I did wrong, or what is wrong with me, why can I get pregnant but not hold on to it.
As you can imagine, feeling quite morose at the moment, which I know I will snap out of, as I'm generally not one to dwell on things that are outside my control, but it's difficult to look forward at this point.
My OH is also really struggling and I don't know how to help him.![:\](https://forum.madeformums.com/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
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Unfortunately the mw phoned to let us know there were no spaces and she had booked me in today at 11.45 instead. So this morning they confirmed at the scan that I had miscarried, I would have been 10 + 5.
I didn't even make it as far along as the last pregnancy. I know its stupid to think this way, but it's difficult not to question what I did wrong, or what is wrong with me, why can I get pregnant but not hold on to it.
As you can imagine, feeling quite morose at the moment, which I know I will snap out of, as I'm generally not one to dwell on things that are outside my control, but it's difficult to look forward at this point.
My OH is also really struggling and I don't know how to help him.
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Replies
Theres nothing more I can really say - but I really do feel for you hun and cant even imagine what you are going through!!
I know nothing anyone can say right now can make it better..but you are in my thoughts!!
Big Hugs xxx
Fortunately this is only our first mc (and our first pregnancy) so I haven't had the pain of going through it twice, but I just wanted to reiterate that this really isn't your fault.
You were under 12 weeks, means that in all likelihood the thing that stopped the baby from growing properly was chromosomes; the wrong sperm simply met with the wrong egg. That's how the consultant put it to me, anyway. I know it's some small comfort but it helped me to see that I was just really unlucky.
TMI alert.... but when I was miscarrying, I could see exactly how well my body was looking after the baby because I passed the placenta pretty much in one go and it was just as it should be, and my womb lining was nice and thick. My body had acted pregnant up until the evening the baby came out, even though judging by the size, he or she had died a week or more ago. It was some small comfort but it at least made me feel like when the next baby comes along, I know my body is doing all it can to make the womb nice and cosy.
With regards your OH, I'd suggest just making sure he knows he can talk about it. Me and my hubby have talked and cried an awful lot together and one thing that's coming out of this awful situation is that it's helping us to grow in our love for each other and to feel closer in our grief.
We've booked a really romantic weekend away this weekend, just to get away from everything and we're trying to make the most of the extra months alone that this miscarriage is giving us... we're determined that a baby will come along soon and we have chance to make memories that will get us through the 3am feeds.
We miscarried on Friday and I can't believe how slowly the last few days have gone. That said, I can't believe how far we've come in these few days. I can pretty much promise it gets easier.
I'm blooming useless at not dwelling on things that are out of my control so you're a step ahead of me. It's okay to feel like it's not fair and to fail to make sense of why some women can get through without any miscarriages and you can't... because it is bl**dy unfair!
I'm here if you want to indulge in some group ranting
Take care of yourself and your OH,
Becky x
I appreciate your thoughts and words. Becky I was really sorry to hear that you are also going through this as well. Fingers crossed we'll both be pregnant again soon.
I will probably only dip into here sparingly, as last time round I found it quite difficult reading everybody elses stories, but I'll try to keep in touch.
Thanks again.
Chocky
really really sorry to hear your news, thinking of you and sending love at this difficult time
Love Luc xxx
Im so sorry to see you back on this section again (hugs) i know there is nothing i can say that will make you feel any better but just wanted to say im thinking of you...
As for your OH just take time together - mine found it really hard to open up as he didnt want to upset me anymore than i was so just bottled everything up and in the end it all became to much for him and we helped each other...i wouldnt have gotten through it without him and i know he feels the same about me so just take the time that you both need...
Thinking of You....
Laura x
Take care, big hug. xx