Forum home Pregnancy Miscarriage & pregnancy loss


Hi again,
I will first of all start with apologising for not answering everyones posts. I haven't had a chance to get on here much as have been so busy.
We have had an emotional week as we had some of our results back from our last MMC. We have found out it was a little girl that we lost. That has made it feel so real again. So feeling a bit emotional and raw anyway.
But today a staff members daughter gave birth. She was due 4 weeks before my first pregnancy which I MMC so I was dreading it. I won't go in to the ins and outs of it all but as everyone at work knows we suffered another MMC 5 wks ago I hoped they wouldn't rub my face in it. But the grand mother put a yellow poster up in the work station near where I work which I couldn't miss and was in the corner of my eye even if I wasn't looking at it or walking past, annoncing name, time, weight etc. I may be being a shrivelled old shrew but I felt that was quite cruel and unthoughtful. Normally if there is births etc for staff they send an email round, not put posters up! I thought she would have done that and just missed me off the email.
I just hate my life at the moment. I want to get in the car and drive and drive. I hate feeling so miserable and angry and feel like everyone expects me to have moved on.
I would be writing all night if I put the details of everything and how I feel so sorry if this seems a bit broken up and doesn't flow very well. I am just so upset and fed up of crying. I feel like I have lost all perspective and grip on reality! :cry:


  • Oh Lilou i am so sorry what a completly and (sorry if this offends but i really can't think of a better word "shit" ) day and the last thing you needed i am sending you a big hug!
    You are not being a "shrivelled old shrew" you are being a totally normal person who is having a terrible time and just needs to be given a break. I do understand how it feels to just want to get away from it all i find getting in my car and driving very theraputic. I know it doesn't help now and please feel free to scream at me but all us ladies are due a bit of luck so just hold on Lilou it will be our turn soon i know it but until then if you want to have someone to shout then i don't mind at all in fact we could all get together and just scream at the world!

    Love Rena
  • Thanks Rena! Knowing my luck I would have an accident in the car as my mind keeps wondering and wrap myself round a tree or something!! I went straight to the shop after work, bought a bottle of red wine and a cake. Opened them straight away (once I got home and parked the car! lol) and going to skip the exercise class tonight!
    Lilou x
  • What a nightmare Lilou.
    I have a similar problem at work - a girl I work with is pg (announced it day I came back from mc ). She doesn't know what happened to me as she only works with me once a week. However she seems to have taken a shine to me and is confiding in me about scans, sickness etc etc and it really makes me want to cry. I find the effort to be upbeat so draining!!!
    That lady should have more sense though - it's extremely thoughtless sand cruel to be celebrating openly given your circumstances.
    Hope tomorrow is better.
    Enjoy the vino.xxxx
  • Thanks Mrs DAO. I don't know how you cope with someone talking about scans etc. I remember when the lady that did the deed today asked me if I would like to see her daughters scans 8 weeks after my first MMC. I couldn't believe it! Everyone I work with knows about my MCs for precisely this reason so people don't put their foot in it. I spent the next hour in the toilet bawling my eyes out!
    Considering not going in tomorrow but they won't pay me as they haven't payed me for my time off with MMC.
    Role on bank hols and time off!
    Lilou x

  • HI Lilou,

    I just wanted to say I am really sorry that someone has made you feel this way it makes me really sad that some people cannot see beyond themselves and not think about how insensitive they are. Those people who expect you to have moved on have no idea, I think unless someone has been through this they really cannot identify with the feelings of loss, pain, anger etc.

    The only person that matters right now is you, and you are entitled to feel exactly how you want to, do not be pushed or told by others what you should and should not feel right now, do it all in your own time when it feels right to do so, by however and whatever means that makes YOU feel better.

    You have not lost your grip on reality, our reality is far different to most at the moment because we are all sharing this hurtful painful time and hey its a strange adjustment that doesn't just happen over night, I mean one minute your pregnant next minute your not, that's not a normal kind of situation to just switch off from.

    Please don't hate your life, it sucks right now I get you, I really do as I just want to curl up never go out again and cry forever. But I am not going to give up either. My mum had several MC and had worse happen after that but she still went on to have 3 healthy babies in the end, so it will happen but when it the right time when you are ready.

    Admittedly its not nice hearing and seeing baby-orientated things but we unfortunately cannot control that. I wish I could make you feel better than you are right now, and know that what I am saying probably doesn't help at all but I just wanted you to know you are not alone and I hope you will feel better and brighter soon.

    Am sending a big hug for you.
    Lou xxxx
  • Hi Lou,
    Thank you for your kind words. Life can be so tough sometimes. I am meeting it head on tonight with a glass of wine in hand!Thanks again.
    Lilou x
  • Dear lilou

    Sending heaps of ((((((((hugs))))))))

    I'm so sorry she was so insensitive and put that poster up...especially right near you! I wish people would think more.

    I know it's so hard to believe but it will get better in time. You are a strong woman and I know you'll get through this. I wish I could make it all better for you.

    Take care, love NN xxx
  • Well it was to be expected and I had braced myself, but today was equally awful. This morning baby pics and all the details were being discussed in front of me all morning. It was hideous. Enough said really. Feel miserable.
  • Bloody hell Lilou

    What a shit couple of days you've had and how flaming incensitive! Sending you hugs and a knuckle sandwich to the grandmother involved. Some people have got absolutely no idea what hell we are going through on a daily basis and I'm sure that they think once the baby is no longer with us we are suddenly just back to normal. You feel like your heart is being ripped out most days. Pregnancy is everywhere. It's on the streets, it's on adverts etc and we have to try and deal with that, x
  • Sending you lots more ((((((((hugs)))))))) xxx
  • Hey Lilou sorry it just got worse today honey i think you are coping really well in a nasty situation and are being very brave. I hope it dies down soon and you can get a bit of a break until then just keep letting it out on here honey we're here for you!
    Love Rena x x
    Hope you enjoyed your cake and wine i ate 4 walnut whips and a chinese and felt much better!
  • God and I thought I had it bad when I go out and there seem to be pregnant women everywhere. I know its hard to ignore but try top do so for now and stop giving up hope that will be you one day having a baby because thats just going to get you depressed.

    Just keep repeating to yourself ONE DAY THAT WILL BE ME in your head oky doke.
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