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LILOU???
Just wandering if anyone has heard from her?
I know she was to have her procedure on Friday but havent heard from her since before. Im sure she is just resting but just wanted to make sure she is ok!
S
xxx
I know she was to have her procedure on Friday but havent heard from her since before. Im sure she is just resting but just wanted to make sure she is ok!
S
xxx
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Replies
If you read this Lilou, big hug xxx
How are you doing Sweetie?
Im ok thanks MrsDAO. Feeling a bit low today but ok. How about you??
S
xxx
We are all thinking of you Lilou
Renne xx
Sending ((((((((hugs)))))))) to you Lilou and know we're here for you when you're ready. Hope everything went smoothly on Friday and you're taking good care of yourself.
Love NN xxx
Thanks for my own post Sweetie! And all off you writing with your lovely replies. I have been staying away a bit recently as I have been feeling quite miserable. I have come back home to Scotland to stay with my parents. My husband isn't the best at chatting and keeping me distracted (although I know he does try in his way!) so I thought getting away from it all and coming here may help. My parents haven't really spoken about the MC which I would like to talk about but my mum does chat constantly about other stuff and carry on as if nothing has happened which I suppose does help to distract me.
I have been feeling very sore and uncomfortable since the ERPC on Friday, much more than the last one but I suppose I am further along this time. I am still bleeding fresh blood and this had stopped too last time. I have read this can be normal. I will go to the Dr if it still bad at the weekend. Taking paracetamol every 4 hrs and codeine and using a heat pad on my back and hot water bottle on tum and between legs (tmi sorry!)
The op was ok, but I find the whole thing very emotional and difficult. I think after all the numbness and denial of the days before the situation finally hit me and I cried for 2 hours solidly and all the way to theatre and as soon as I woke up started to cry again! They wouldn't give me a premed to settle me as they feel it delays your recovery. So my husband came to theatre and hold my hand until I was asleep with the anaesthetic. I know this would have been very hard for him as he isn't good with medical stuff or needles! But one thing I felt hard before was having to go on my own to theatre as this is the most upsetting bit. Not the anaesthetic etc, just that this is the point that I really 'lose' the baby. It makes it more real. But now that is done and I can try to come to terms with it and try to move on.
My world has shattered and I am now trying to decide what to do with my life. I don't enjoy working for the people I currently work for and find it stressful. I am trying to decide whether to alter my current position or leave and find another job. I need to find a purpose to my life other than just having a baby. There was so much pressure for this to succeed so I could do something positive with my self (raise a family) but it doesn't seem to be so easy! So I need to find an alternative 'meaning to life' while we sort ourselves out. One option is to find a part time job so I have time to try and join some clubs/find some hobbies and make some friends.
There has also been a question mark over the management of my thyroid. It seems they should have put my medication as soon as I got my BFP and despite me mentioning it to 3 GPs and the MW no one sorted it. My levels of TSH (Thyroid Stimulating hormone) in Dec were 5. They should be between 1.5 -3, and if pregnant not go above 2.5. If your levels are higher this means your body is trying to produce more thyroxine as there isn't enough free thyroxine in your blood stream and so when the babies brain is developing there is nothing for it to draw and so it can die. As my levels were already at 5 and in the first 10wks the baby requires more thyroxine and they didn't up my dose it didn't really help the bean to develop. I will be devastated if it turns out this was the cause. I will feel like they murdered my baby! When I get back I am going to ask to see a senior GP and ask the questions. We need to wait a few weeks/months to hear if the bean had a genetic problem. If it didn't then it was something else that caused the problem.
Sorry to ramble and such a long post. It has been such a difficult week. I don't know which way to turn. I so want a baby but don't feel I have the strength if this happened again. And I know there are no guarantees for future pregnancies. I just feel, as I am sure all of you do, that you just want to be pregnant with a healthy bean and to become a mother. It suddenly seems a huge thing to ask for, when I thought it was the most natural thing in the world!
I hope all you ladies are doing well. And sorry if I have depressed any one! Thank you for all your well wishes. One thing I find so hard is feeling like no one cares. I haven't heard from anyone since my op. I sometimes feel if I disappeared it would take weeks for anyone to notice! So it means more than you know to me that you were asking after me!
Take care,
Lilou x
I cant dare to say that i know what you are passing through, i just lost my first pregnancy, but we are all here for you. And ready to listen and talk.
Although it wont bring your baby back, but i agree with you that you should talk to the specialist to understand and to try to preven such thing happening again, sometimes we keep on trying to find a reason just to have a peace of mind.
And, i personally is still in a state of shock, and i am secluded , keeping away from everyone and anything. But i believe that you are right, we should try to get busy and keep our minds away from all this.
Good luck dear
lots and lots of ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
Love
Renee x
Firstly I want to send you some more (((((hugs))))).
You have been through so much and it is so incredibly difficult.
You haven't depressed anyone with your post - we're here to listen and you always offer so much love and support to others. Your post actually really helped me because I can relate to so much that you wrote - it was like you were inside my head! It's nice to know that others understand and you're not alone - I hope you know that too.
I'm really glad your hubby came with you down to theatre (my husband doesn't like needles either - men!! :roll: ). I think it's really good that you've gone to stay with your parents and have a break away from everything. I really hope it helps and that you can perhaps talk to your mum at some point about things and how you're feeling. I found that going away after my 1st mc really helped in making me feel a bit better. Sometimes a change of scenery really does help and gives you a new perspective on things.
I completely understand what you wrote about needing to find something else in your life. I don't work and my whole life became about starting a family and having a baby - I felt like that would make my life worthwhile and really give me a purpose. Now, like you, I've realised that it isn't as simple as you first think and that it's not going to happen instantly. Sometimes I think that major life events like mc really can make you reassess things and make positive changes. It takes time and healing but we'll all get there and hopefully learn some very positive things from this pain. Though of course I'd rather we all didn't have to go through this and didn't have to learn those painful lessons. But I hope that you can make some positive changes to your life from reflecting on your losses - perhaps change your job and start some new hobbies like you said. And these changes will always be in honour of your babies.
I am really outraged by how your GP's and midwife didn't monitor your thyroid problem properly. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling because of this. You must be so angry. I think you are doing right by going to see a senior GP and I hope you get some answers but be aware how their response/answers may make you feel. I know how it feels to desperately want answers and reasons but sadly so often there are no answers. My husband has to remind me sometimes to stop looking for answers because I can sometimes get a little obsessed and pre-ocupied!
Anyway, I hope you are feeling better physically soon so that you can concentrate on your emotional healing. I know it's so hard to look to the future and trying again but perhaps you can think that if your doctors have been negligent with managing your thyroid problem then with proper care you have a good chance of everything being ok next time when you are ready. I know there are never any guarentees but perhaps it'll give you a little bit of hope?
Take care, love NN xxx
Of course you haven't depressed anyone. You are always here with support for other people and now its our turn to do the same for you!
Its a good thing to be staying back at your parents as I went back to stay at my mums and found it helped. Even though I wanted to chat about what had happened we didnt really talk to much about it and she was always chatting about other things so it was a nice distraction. It will do you good to be away from your normal surroundings and have a little bit of a break.
How terrible that your GP and midwife didnt monitor your thyroid problem properly. It is a good idea to speak to a senior doctor and ask your questions again as maybe this time somebody might actually do something about it? Although I am disgusted that they didnt monitor you properly before!
I completley understand what you are saying about your job as over the last week I also have been thinking about my job. Dont get me wrong I do like my job but I want to be doing something more worthwhile, something that my heart is actually in. I was actually going to start a thread about this today. That would be a good idea hun if you were to work part time so that you could join some clubs and find some hobbies and also make new friends from these clubs!
Don't ever feel that if you disappeared nobody would notice because we were all really worried about you when you hadn't posted sooner. We are always here to chat and I think that sometimes it can be so much more effective than chatting to people in the 'real world'.
I hope you are being well looked after and take care of yourself!
S
xxx
I thought your post was totally understandable i feel just the same. I have my D and C on thursday and am so nervous but reading your post has helped me a lot so thank you and i want you to know that you are not alone and that there are lot's of people thinking of you at this time. It doesn't help i know but i'm glad that we can share how we feel with other women who are going through the same experiences and who also desperatly want to be mums so if you need to chat please know that i am here!
All my love
Rena
I was so pleased to read your reply and see you back on here. This is a really horrible and rubbish time. I was just thinking that I am definitely the saddest and most "blue" I have ever been in my life and having to go through this twice, as you have, or more is just brutal. I live in Scotland, away from my parents too and feel very isolated here, like I only know DH and one other person well enough to be really honest with them. This normally doesn't bother me too much but I have found it hard over the past weeks. That's why it's important to remember that we are all your friends on here and that we can do our best to ???????cyber-support??????? you. I think losing a baby is going to make you re-evaluate your life. As you said, I feel like I have put everything else on hold since ttc, not focusing as much on my ob/social life/hobbies. I think that I too may need to get back on track in this regard.
I hope that you are feeling better soon but don't worry if you're not there yet, we're all here for you
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I wish it was as 'simple' to make friends in every day life. Why do you think it is so hard? Do you think it is because we all live behind masks trying to protect ourselves and not be 'judged'? I feel so alone sometimes (which is why I can spend huge amounts of time on here!) I find it really hard to meet people and become friends. I have always moved around all my life. I usually make friends at work, but I am in a senior position now and so that doesn't allow me to get close to people. I am always so exhausted so don't get out much after work.
How do you all meet people? I need to get a life, it's pathetic! Sorry for rambling. (and thanks listening if you are reading this!)
Lilou x
lilou x
Of course I would do anything o be getting to know you all through a happier messageboard but that's the way it is. Roll on that day I say!! xxx