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Worst day

Hi all, i went to the lights of love service last night and it was like the flood gates opening. The readings were soooo emotional and then I lit a candle for my lost baby and could not stop the tears. Cried for an hour after I got home and sobbed all morning. I have started bleeding again which now means I have been losing roughly 9 out of the last 11 weeks, feel so tired and down. Everyone is cross with me cos I havn't seen a doc lately but I did go for a scan about a month ago and they said it would stop so don't see the point. My OH says I should be grateful for the gorgeous boy we have and i am but I still feel sad about the baby I've lost and it doesn't matter if I have another 20 babies I still feel guilty for not being healthy enough to protect my little bean. I know I'm not the only one and OH says I need to pull myself together but today I'm finding it just a bit too hard :cry:


  • Don't be too hard on yourself, it doesn't matter how many babies you have before or after losing a baby it still hurts.
    I had a mmc June last year and have now got a little girl who was born in August and in someways it makes me think even more about the baby i have lost and what they would have been like, I have days now even a year on when i can't stop myself crying about it, it's natural you have lost someone and are grieving for them. I think alot of people find it harder to understand as grief because the baby was never born, it's almost like they never actually existed in some ways but as the mother they were inside you and already part of you.
    I also felt very guilty about not being ablr to protect my baby but as my Mum says there was probably a reason that the pregnancy did not progress and my baby was saved any suffering.
    Please don't feel wrong for missing your baby and feel free to chat anytime.
    Love and hugs Jo xx

    [Modified by: sillymoo on December 15, 2007 09:27 PM]
  • Thanks Jo, I had the mmc 2nd Oct and was back in work 3 days after the erpc so didn't really give myself time to think about it and now it's hit me like a train. Feel like chucking all the xmas cards in the bin and stamping on all of the effing lights. Just spoke to OH (who is dropping tools to get home to me) and he can't understand why I'm dwelling on it ?!?
    I'm going to fill a hot water bottle and go to bed !!!
  • Hi, i had mc 3yrs ago and never stop thinking about especially the day my little one would of been due. Ihave gone on to have another lo and i already had my daughter which is what got me through,but you never stop missing and thinking about them.but like jo said there was a reason that it happened and it stopped any suffering, take care.
    vikki xx
  • Camlo, give yourself time to grieve and talk it through with your oh, it is hard for them to understand as they have not usually formed any kind of bond at this stage.
    I must admit like Vikki i find the time that my lo would have been due very difficult which was Xmas time but am just concentrating on my darling little girl and thankful that she is here and fine.
    It will ease with time and there are always people on here to talk to who do not judge how you feel or criticise because they know what you are going through.
    Take care
    Jo xx
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