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Well, I think it's all over, at last. Sorry bit graphic.

Hi all,

Well, I think it's all over with now. Yesterday I ended up in hospital as I had been bleeding heavily all morning with the most terrible pains. I wasn't too sure what was normal with bleeding as i was soaking a pad through roughly every half hour so called the hospital who said to come straight in and it was far too much blood to be losing.
When I got to the ward they said they wanted a urine sample which I tried to produce but couldn't manage as filled the toilet with blood, I also passed what felt like a lump but couldn't check as there was just so much blood. Sorry far to much information.

Basicallly after most of the morning in hospital had an internal examination and the doctor removed some more clots and thought that eveything had passed so sent me home early evening saying that the pains and bleeding should ease unless there was some more tissue still there and to come back if need be.

When I got home still felt terrible with pain and passing a lot of blood DH was going to call hospital back and take me back as he said it just wasn't right. I really didn'y want to go back so suggested we just wait a little while longer to see if things eased. I then got the most terrible pain, and passed a great big lump of tissue.

I have to say things then eased up the bleeding was less and the pain not so bad, and this morning although my tummy feels so tender I feel a whole lot better. The bleeding has slowed right down thank goodness.

So now, I am thinking that what was my lovely little 10wk old bean has finally left me, I am very sad, sore and now a little angry, with the why me? but also very relieved that what I knew was no longer viable has gone. I can really start to move on now and hopefully open a new chapter.

Very tearful today and have already been in floods of tears over silly things that I really have no control over.

So sorry girls if I really have put too much info on this but just needed to get it off my chest, I know you will understand. As they say a problem shared is a problem halved.

Leigh-Anne x

Replies

  • Hi Leigh-anne,

    Just wanted to say sorry for your loss.

    I had medical management after my mmc and although i didnt have as much blood and pain as you did - i did pass my baby, (3 days after leaving hopsital and when i was at home on my own) i had passed a lot of clots originally and bled and had a lot of pain that then tailed off and the baby came away with surprising little pain and no prior warning (bled about 10 days all in less heavy than a normal af) so it sound like you have really had it tough, Mine didnt resemble anything that looked like a baby but i knew what it was straight away and just held it and cried and cried.

    I too was devestated as well as angry and bitter - why me. Babies shouldnt have to die but why mine (and all the other lovely ladies on here) if it HAS to happen why not to those who dont want to be pregnant or those who drink and smoke and take drugs not me when i wanted it so much and loved it so much already and had tried to do everything 'right' So many babies grow up with not enough love nd i find it so unfair and hard to accept that those who want a baby so much seem to be those who struggle the most.

    It does sound like you have passed everything now and i have to say despite the sadness i felt and the over whelming sense of empitness i also felt calm when i knew my baby had left me (as in my mind it was already 'gone' and it was hard knowing i was carrying that and also like being in limbo and i was worried about possibly needing an erpc so i felt relived that at least i didnt need that) at the very least i had passed my baby in the way i wanted to - without needing it surgically removed and i felt like at least physically things could start to go back to normal. Where as the emotional pain will never fully go.

    This all happened to me 6 weeks ago now (god where has time gone) and after 4 weeks off i went back to work....had a lot of pain a week or so after and bloods taken and tests but everything came back clear and i then just wanted my af to show...it did on Mobday 28 days later so like a normal cycle...started light and heavy for 2 days and is now easing a little (tmi sorry) bu this was like a normal af for me so im hoping things are back to normal.

    As scared as i am to ttc again - worried that it wont happen straight away again or that it'll happen again if it does im also looking forward to it as at least then you have hope...

    I am sorry i am rambling on here and i didnt mean to make it all about me in just trying to share my story (but i waffle a lot) sadly everyone on here knows what we are all going through in terms of understanding the pain of losing a little one (some even more so than others)

    The only support i have had has been from my husband who has been wonderful...my mum died in Septemeber so im still really cut up about that and thought a baby would be a happy thing to look forward to rather than all the crap i usullay have (yeah right) my sis couldnt care less and has fallen out with me as i wont just 'get over it' my aunt hasnt bothered with me and my sis told my dad who hasnt asked how i am either so without hubby i would have struggled to cope so take some support and strength from your OH and from anyone else who will offer it as you will need it...

    This site has been a great help and support to me over the past month or so and as you said a problem halved etc i have found that.

    Thinking of you,

    Lx
  • Leigh-Anne the beauty of these forums is you should be able to write what you want. Sometimes you just need to express it, if someone soesn't like it they don't have to reply.

    I am so sorry for what you have been through, I can only imagine how distressing it has been. What you are experiencing is completely normal, you will hopefully be able to properly grieve now.

    Emotions will be up and down, but in time they will settle. It doesn't go away, and we wouldn't want it to. But it becomes easier.

    We are here anytime you want to talk. Hugs. xx
  • Hi La-La,
    I am sorry you had to go through this. You sound so positive today despite what you have been through. I hope you can start to heal now and things start to get easier for you.
    Sending you hugs. We are all here to listen should you need someone to listen.
    Lilou x
  • Hi leigh-anne
    What a rough time you have had, my heart goes out to you. I had an erpc & no matter how we lose our little ones its very very hard.. I hope its an end to a start..if you know what i mean & the very best of luck.

    Annette xx
  • Hi Leigh-Anne

    I am so sorry that these last few days have been so difficult and traumatic for you.

    I'm glad that your pain and bleeding has eased and I hope that the physical process is coming to an end for you now so, like you said, you can look to the future and start a new chapter.

    Sending (((((hugs)))))

    Love NN xxx

    http://tac.families.com/ezb/1192802.png



    Click Here To Read My Ramblings On Living With Loss
  • big hugs hun, didnt want to read and run xx
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