how did you feel? and how do you feel now?

Replies

• littleminx

  Aug 2, 2009 9:23AM

  Hi Jade
  
  Really sorry to hear your story, I hope you are doing ok, loss takes time to deal with, I too had a mmc and that was just under 4 weeks ago we have been quite up and down and obviously very anxious about it happening again we had an early mc back in March too. We have found it really tough and Im dealing with it by focusing on the future and TTC again, I dont think you ever get over it you never forget, but it just becomes easier to deal with, some days are still tough like you say when your friends are pregnant and you want to be happy and support them, but it is really hard, I found the girls on here have helped me get through it as its nice to talk to people who understand how you feel and the suport they have given is immense
  
  hope you are ok
  
  Love Luc xxx

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• joanne1818

  Aug 3, 2009 2:44PM

  I guess it is different for everyone really, I guess as littleminx says, you'll never forget it, but surely it must get easier - just found out today i've had a double mc... the thought of meeting up with a friend who was only 5 weeks ahead of me is quite a tough thought, but i guess you just have to deal with it. Sending you lots of hugs Jade, my thoughts are with you.
  

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• xCALLEIGHx

  Aug 3, 2009 5:57PM

  i does get easier. my friend was due two weeks after i should have been and my auntie 5 days. i had my miscarriage in late oct / early nov and it hurts still. getting past my due date helped but remembering the stages i should have been at were terrible. like, this should have been my 20 weeks scan etc... getting pregnant again has helped, but i still feel sad about it, especially when i ov'd on my due date, which kind of ties the two together for me. like this one is meant to be. however, that doesnt stop the manic knicker checking several times a day and constant worry that the same will happen again.
  
  i went through a range of emotions at the time, but mainly anger. took me a long time to get past that (although if i'm honest i still get angry that my much wanted and tried for bean was taken away when 2 friends of ours are due in oct with accidents that they were "so upset about".
  
  i named my bean (Alex) which helped me. made it real. and we planted a tree on my due date in our garden.
  
  hth

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• joanne1818

  Aug 3, 2009 6:23PM

  what a lovely idea ***Calleigh*** - think i might plant a tree for my two beans - had a double mc confirmed today... soooo sad.

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• jade_smith

  Aug 3, 2009 10:09PM

  thank you so much girls. just talkin 2 ppl who have been in the same situation as me makes me feel better.
  
  i find it so hard, i blamed it on myself at first, because you fink to ureself that u were carrying the baby so it must be somethink that you have done for it 2 happen.
  The thing that hurts the most is i see girls who are pregnant and there talking about how they dont even want there baby, an they only got pregnant for the benefits and cause they will get a house. people like that i just want to slap them.
  Calleigh i never thought of that. Thats a really good idea. I had a feeling that it was going to be a girl so i fink i will name her chantai. I managed to get the lady at the hospital to give me a scan pic so that i can remember my baby always.
  
  mrswilc, sorry bout the double miscarriage. that must be devastating for you, but dont worry. If you need to talk just message and we all will be available for you cause we have all been through and are going through the same pain.
  
  
  xxxxxx
  

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• joanne1818

  Aug 4, 2009 2:00PM

  Its so reassuring to talk to others that are going through the same - starting to feel that i am not mad by the what if questionst that keep forming in my brain. Didn't sleep last night, so extremely exhausted from it all, fortunately my doctor has given me a few tablets for the next night or so to take to help me sleep - its in the dark that my hurting is more for some reason. Thoughts are all with you and the pains you are going through too.
  

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• jade_smith

  Aug 4, 2009 7:38PM

  mrswilc, what ure saying is so true. When i go 2 bed i feel worse than in the day, its like all ure hurt and pain builds up in the night time. Sometimes i wonder why it happens but thats a way of grieving when u look at it. Dont worry bout it bbe, take as long as you need to recover, everyone grieves in there own way and everyone is different.
  Take care an keep posting so that i no ure coping alrite
  
  xxxx

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• Radkad78

  Aug 5, 2009 9:03AM

  Hey Jade I'm so sorry for your loss, its hard but I agree with the others - you won't ever forget but it does get easier though some days are harder than others!!!
  My MC will have been 11 weeks ago this Friday and we started TTCing again last month (wasn't succesful) so BDing again now for OV next week but that in itself made me feel guilty last month for doing so though feel better about it this month.
  Things still make me cry and I get very angry at chavs and articles in the paper of 'mistakes' and ill treatment of babies and children - as how can these idiots have them and not appreciate their babies/children and we all struggle to have one!!!
  Plus things like Ben Fogle and his wife MCing made me cry on telly the other day as you horribly know exactly what they're going through and you wouldn't wish it on anyone.
  
  I bought a bracelett to remember my angel and will also be releasing a sky lattern on the due date in January and when the time ever comes we can afford to buy our own home I will then plant something in the garden too.
  It will get better hun xx
  
  mrswilc - I am so so sorry for your double loss - huge hugs to you hun. In the day its like you feel you can cope as you feel you have to get on with things but night time is different and be can so very lonely when hubby asleep and the dark thoughts set in - as Jade says the girls on here are all here for each other so please come and talk to us when ever you like - thinking of you
  xxxx

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• joanne1818

  Aug 6, 2009 4:21PM

  last few days have been almost unreal, functioning like a zombie really. Tears seem to come almost unexpectedly at crazy times during the days, almost feeling i need to be strong and hold it all in, strange. I know i need to let it all out, but as i say, it almost feels unreal, that's its not happening to me. Still bleeding, so every time i go to the loo, there is a reminder... just want it to be over, and just want to be pregnant again, but then having admitted that, already feel a bit guilty for even thinking it. Man, this is tough...
  Thank you for being there, this site is a well needed tonic.
  Hope you guys are all ok.
  
  xxx

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