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It's 'different'
Hi everyone
I am feeling really sad because people are sort of treating this 2nd mc like it doesn't matter so much as the last one because I wasn't so far along. 1st time I was 10 1/2 weeks and this time I was not even 5 weeks. And yes, in ways, it is different but at the end of the day I have still lost another baby. This baby was no less important than the last one just because I wasn't pregnant so long.
It hurts and it makes me angry. Should I feel less sad and grieve less just because I wasn't so far along??
Sorry, I just need somebody to understand that this baby is just as important as our first.
~ NN xx
[Modified by: NattyNik on 27 October 2008 22:24:05 ]
I am feeling really sad because people are sort of treating this 2nd mc like it doesn't matter so much as the last one because I wasn't so far along. 1st time I was 10 1/2 weeks and this time I was not even 5 weeks. And yes, in ways, it is different but at the end of the day I have still lost another baby. This baby was no less important than the last one just because I wasn't pregnant so long.
It hurts and it makes me angry. Should I feel less sad and grieve less just because I wasn't so far along??
Sorry, I just need somebody to understand that this baby is just as important as our first.
~ NN xx
[Modified by: NattyNik on 27 October 2008 22:24:05 ]
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Replies
Sorry to hear of your Mc. I have just suffered my second MC too. My first one was like your last one at 5/6 weeks and this second one was at 11 weeks and baby stopped growing at 6/7 weeks
You have every right to be sad and grieve as no matter how far you were you were still pregnant.
I understand how you feel and here if you want a chat
Take care
xxxx
xx
I was 6 weeks when I m/c. People say "oh well, you can try again". Thats the last thing you want to hear. You feel gutted and you want that baby, not another one!
You do grieve as a little life has ended before it has even had chance to begin.
Your just left saying "why!"
xx
Bubblychick - I am so sorry to hear about your losses. Thank you for the offer to chat
Kittyboo - my MIL said that exact thing to me on the phone this morning - 'don't dwell on it too much'.....I have been seething all day since. It was my baby for heaven's sake......... :x Sorry you've had to hear the same thing too. Thanks for being here for me.
Babymonkey - I know exactly what you mean. People think you can just replace one baby with another....it doesn't work like that! My MIL keeps insisting on telling me that we can have 'so much fun trying again'. Grrrr. Thanks for understanding.
~ NN xx
Anyway, if I want to cry I do it with hubby, not the others xxxx
moony - thank you so much for your reply. You are spot on - a baby is a baby no matter how old...it's so nice to be around people who understand. And you are right, people who keep making such comments are not worth worrying about. I know I worry too much
[Modified by: NattyNik on October 28, 2008 10:11 PM]
Moony - you are so right.....and put so nicely - thank you xx
Im sorry for your loss, I can sympathise with what your saying.
Ive just had my first MC at 5 wks, we didnt tell friends/family so the grieving has been done privately - at times Ive found this difficult as feel like screaming to the rest of the world "do you have any idea whats happened to me"!
I had confided in a close friend and although I felt better for sharing it with someone close I do feel now that the "sympathetic" stage has worn off. Now when I say Im still a bit up and down I just get - "you fell before, so you'll fall again". A) I dont KNOW for def that I will fall again or for that matter how long it will take
I do agree though in that people just dont know what to say, Im sure they think they are giving us positive comments (ie, the dont dwell on it comments!) when truly we'd just wish they'd keep quiet!
I didnt tell my mother for exactly those reasons - I can hear all the insensitive/stiff upper lip comments now!!
Take care and dont feel daft in moaning - we all need to sound off! Im just grateful we have these forums to be able to share and relate to each others experiences - as tough and rubbish this situation is for us all.
HUGSSS...... Sue x