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New - Just lost my beautiful baby at 22 weeks

I lost my baby girl, Ava, last week at 22 weeks, I gave birth to her on Friday after I was induced. She weighed only 9oz. We knew there were problems as i'd had 3 lots of early pregnancy bleeding, I was signed off work sick because of sickness and then at my 20 wk scan it showed up that she had a short femur, I had to have a amnio and aweek later I hadn'tnoticed her kicking so went in and they scanned me and confirmed that she'd died.

I am so sad, I still can't believe this has happened to me.

I havea 1yr old boy, Jack, who is getting me through this.

Ava has gone off for a post mortem and it'll take about 6 weeks for the results to come through. I desperately want another baby, not to replace Ava - nothing could replace her, but I just feel like I need to give Jack a little brother or sister.

Has anyone else had a 'Late miscarriage'?xx


  • so sad to hear your news, my heart goes out to you x
  • I am so sorry. You must be absolutely devistated. I was lucky in comparason, I lost my baby at almost 6 weeks so nothing like the trauma you are going through. I really hope you are hanging in there and getting lots of support from your loved ones around you. xxx
  • Oh I'm so sorry for your loss hun.
    Good luck in the future.
    may Ava rest in peace soon.
  • I'm so sorry to hear of the terrible time you have had. I understand something of the pain you are feeling as I too lost a baby at 22 weeks back in October 2006. Please give yourself time to grieve and take support from everyone around you. While some people won't understand our pain as we never 'knew' our babies and their little personalities - the grief is as much about losing all the hopes and dreams that we had for them and their lives.

    Try to wait until you get the results of the pm before you start trying again. Our little girl had a condition called Pataus Syndrome which is having an additional chromosome 13. We went for genetics counselling and were given a 'statistic' of it happening again - or of us having a baby with another chromosomal problem - but we decided to go ahead anyway and I'm very glad to be able to tell you that we now have a very happy and healthy 11 month old son.

    While the pain may seem unbearable at the moment - and I still do shed a tear for the baby girl I lost - I also know that if that hadn't happened then I wouldn't now have Rory and know his wee personality etc. and so I can look at it as not a good thing - but as one of those things that life throws at you - one of the hard times that everyone goes through at some stage.

    Be good to yourselves - allow yourself time to cry and try to talk to each other about the feelings of anger and sadness of the loss of what you had hoped for little Ava and how she would have contributed to your family - but also try to remember that there are good times ahead - things will get better, it just takes time. One of the things that helped me most was having to answer all my 7 yr old daughters questions - as she asked me things that nobody else would dare - like what did the baby look like? What size was it, what colour etc. and I had to answer them all as simply as possible and without getting upset - I think that was a real help to me as it made me think everything through, slowly and clearly.

    I hope I haven't made you feel worse - I sometimes find it hard to convey exactly what I want to using the written word. If you want to ask me any questions about my experience then please don't hesitate to contact me.

    Take care and let your son help you heal.

    Gill x
  • Welcome to the forum, you will get so much support here. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of Ava, that is really sad to hear. Also to Gill, for your loss of your little girl earlier.

    I am currently miscarrying - I reached 10 weeks but my baby died at 7. I only came on here on the weekend and feel I have come so far since then by drawing strength from all the other girls on here. I wouldnt be able to cope as well without it, so please come on here as much as you like and talk to us and listen to our experiences as it helps you to come to grips with yours.

    Gill - your experience is so very sad too but we can all draw so much hope from it. Nothing will ever replace the little ones we have lost, ever. But know that there is a future out there for all of us. The time will come.

    Take your time to go through the motions and give yourself time to grieve. We are all here for you.
  • Just wanted to say i am so sorry for your loss.I had an early mc 6 weeks ago,so know what you a going through to a certain degree.
    We are all here for you if you need to talk.xx

    [Modified by: nikr on October 07, 2008 07:40 PM]

  • Hi, so sorry for your loss, I understand how hard it is for you at the moment, I lost a little girl at 16 weeks in May 2003, she too had died inside me, at the time all I could think about was getting pregnant again, like you say not to replace the baby we lost but just to help to heal the huge hole that was left in our lives, the 6 weeks till we got the results were tough and I had to go on tablets to stop my bleeding which didnt help as it was a constant reminder. I would definitely wait untill you get the post mortem results, our baby died as she had 69 chrosmosomes instead of 46, she had an extra one of each chromosome, it is called a partial mole and is caused when 2 sperm fertilise one egg but then dont split as they should to make twins, it is quite rare and we were referred for genetic counselling too.

    Give your self time to grieve and honestly much as I could have screamed when people said it to me, time really is a great healer, Its true that you dont ever get over something like this happening but you do learn to live with it, and eventually you will wake up and it wont be the first thing on your mind in the morning and the last thing before you go to bed. Although there are still times when it does hurt, for example our little girl would have been starting school this September and I did feel a little sad when I saw all the new reception year going on the first day, although happily I have had 2 healthy children since then.

    Give yourself time and be good to yourself, talk to and shout to whoever will listen, contact the miscarriage association they were a fantastic support to me and there is always some one there who understands, they can put you in touch with a local co-ordinator for you area who you can talk to. If you want to e-mail me then you can use the link below. take care xxxx
  • Hi so sorry 2 here about ur loss.

    i lost my baby girl jasmine at 18 weeks that was 5 weeks ago, i was so sad and confused as i had no signs. i also wanted to try for another baby straight away as i didn't want a big age gap between gracie and r next baby. my husband was brilliant he was happy 2 go along with it. but after thinking about it i dont think it is the rite thing 2 do.

    losing the baby made me think, these things happen for a reason, there is just so much going on in my life at the minute i just dont no wot im doing, my daughter gracie has a hearing loss, she is a handful and a half so i have my work cut out with her plus my mum has just been diagnoised with lung cancer so mayb the timing was just not rite.

    sorry if i am going on a bit but i just dont have any1 2 talk 2 at the min i need 2 get it out of my system. we r also still waiting on the pm results. hate waiting for results.

    we have burried jasmine with my grandmother i just feel so awful as i still cant bring my self 2 visit her.

    sorry again i have prob been no help 2 u at all.

    hope we all get through this xxx

  • i no exactly what you are going through too. I lost my little boy charlie 7weeks ago and i was 21weeks pregnant. I too didnt even notice anything was wrong until i went to the midwife cos i had a urine infection an she sent me for a scan just to check everythin was ok as i had already had 3m/c in a year...
    I burried charlie 3days after getting induced and i still cant bring myself to goto to the grave yard i have been once in nearly 7weeks and paniced as there where leaves on his grave so i dont want to go back until i am ready..
    I didnt opt for a pm as i didnt feel comfortable with it so instead the hospital are running test on me and my partner which my mum never shuts up about the conciquences as i am only 18 and have years to wait and see what nature wants.
    I also want to try again now i keep holding my stomach as if to speak to charlie and then realise he has gone. These times will honestly make us all stronger. I started college not even aweek after i had given birth to charlie and i openly admited everythin to the girls there and they have all been my rock even tho they didnt no me before charlie.
    I no i have been going on a little so i will let you go no. Just remeber ava is in your heart and always will be and she will be playing with all the angel babies and having a good time and not wanting her mummy to get upset. That is the only thing that has got me threw all this and i still cry and it still hurts asthough it was yesterday but dealing with that pain gets so much easyer.

    natalie xxx

    if anybody wants to talk feel free to email me.
  • hi everyone, really sorry to hear your news i lost my little girl whilst i was giving birth at term + 6 days!!!!! i had normal pregnancy, normal labour and she sadly died 2 minutes before she was born. Had post mortem done and there wasn't any explanation to why it had happened. She was called alexis and she weighed 8lb 13oz. I know how you all feel, this is the 1st time i have talked about it to anyone other than family and friends. When it happens to you, you feel so alone and feel that it doesnt happen to many people but when you talk to people you realise that it actually does! If anyone wants to talk im here for you image
  • I'm really sorry to hear your news - I've just lost mine at week-ish - at 6 weeks was bleeding and went through many tests to find out it was in an unknown location. So I had an injection at 8 weeks to get rid of it. It's all abit surreal - should have been 9 weeks yesterday - but I know it's not there - even though I still have all the symptons etc. I know it's not as far on as you - but it is awful for anyone to know their baby won't make it.

    I really feel for you hun - and I hope you go on to have a healthy pregnancy.

    Take care.


  • hi im really sorry to hear about ur lost .Ur not alone in this i also lost my baby boy at 22weeks im only 19 years old and it was my first baby .trust me when i say i really understand how u took me a while to take it all in .i had been crying asking alot of questions everyday.he died the day after his dad's birthday .my boyfriend is hurting alot because he first child died right after his birthday which was September 15 2008.All i could say is be strong u have full support behind .Now god has blessed me with another one that might be two in there.all u have to do if ur havin another one be careful try not to do alot to distress the baby ok .My heart goes out to u be strong and just smile everything will be ok
  • Hi there,

    My heart is saddened to hear of the losses we all share. I gave birth to my baby boy at 22 weks trough induction, knowing he was not going to make it. Through our second trimester untrasound, we discoveded he had a complex rare heart defect. We met with many specialists to try and figure out how to save him through multiple surgeries, but his heart was really mixed up. We decided to terminate the pregnancy through labor and delivery and then jusy holding him with comfort and care. I was in labor for 14 hours. i was so exhaused when he came, i only held him for a little while, then my husband held him for 4 hours before he stopped breathing. He turned blue on his left side because the Aorta was coming off the wrong side of the heart and he couldnt get enough oxygen. He was genetically normal, there is no explanation for the defect. We were blessed with the gift of technology to discover his major defect. His name was r. Bean. We chose that name because we laughed so hard at the Baby Center website wen they said sometime around 6 weeks, "your baby is the sized of a bean." He was our (R. Bean,) he wwas truly beautiful, I got to feel his heartbeat and he held my finger. I cannot bare life without him; but knew his would be a life of surgeries and suffering. We couldnt bare hime needing a heart transplant as a young person and not being able to give him one. 

    Three weeks have gone by and today is my Birthday. I always imagineed how happy and greatful I would be today...but instead I'm all alone. My poor litte bean should be here to celebrate and grow with me :'-

  • I'm so so sorry Serena what a heartbreaking story. Take comfort that he wasn't alone when he passed on and was with the 2 people who loved him most feeling warm and comforted xx

  • Hi everyone,

    Have recently read many posts on this thread but am new to this so please forgive me if I don't use correct terminology!

    I have been ttc for 5 years now with my partner who I have been with for 7 years. He is 29 and I am 24.

    At the age of 16 I was 38weeks and sadly lost my twin girls with previous partner, then at the age of 17 I lost my little boy at 21 weeks with my current partner, then at 18 I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks then couple months later lost another baby at 16 weeks, a few months after that I had an ectopic pregnancy and was treated with oral medication. I was then diagnosed with pcos and endometriosis which was lazered off in 2010. I have had two miscarriages both at 14 weeks since then.

    I have now been referred to the fertility clinic but am so scared that if it works that it will end the same

    If anyone else is going through this or similar then please post as I really feel like I'm alone at the minute :'(
  • I came Across this blog as well. We just lost our baby girl on Christmas. My water broke and she was coming fast. I had no contractions and I was not dialate, they have said I will need a stitch moving forward or progesterone shots.

    My heart is so empty. This was our first together. How long did everyone wait to try again? 

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