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Not doing so well.
Sorry, this is self-indulgent. I just have nowhere else to get it all out.
I just want my baby back.
I didn't know it was actually possible to hurt so much over something so small.
I can't see a way through this.
I can't cope.
One month and one day ago I was so happy.
I can't see my friends as most of them seem to be pregnant or have children, and even if they didn't I'm too unhappy to see anybody.
I put a brave face on it at work but I really could just sit there and cry all day.
My husband doesn't know what to say to me about it anymore. We were doing so well.
I just can't do this. I can't.
To see our beautiful baby wiggling around and their heart beating and then to never be able to meet them or hold them. To watch the baby you loved so much end its days in a hospital bedpan then be flushed away before you could hold them. There's no pain like it. I'll never even know if it's a son or a daughter we've lost. I just know I can't call myself a mummy anymore.
In 3 week's time I'll have spent a year in TTC limbo and all I have to show for it is a dead foetus.
I just want my baby back.
I didn't know it was actually possible to hurt so much over something so small.
I can't see a way through this.
I can't cope.
One month and one day ago I was so happy.
I can't see my friends as most of them seem to be pregnant or have children, and even if they didn't I'm too unhappy to see anybody.
I put a brave face on it at work but I really could just sit there and cry all day.
My husband doesn't know what to say to me about it anymore. We were doing so well.
I just can't do this. I can't.
To see our beautiful baby wiggling around and their heart beating and then to never be able to meet them or hold them. To watch the baby you loved so much end its days in a hospital bedpan then be flushed away before you could hold them. There's no pain like it. I'll never even know if it's a son or a daughter we've lost. I just know I can't call myself a mummy anymore.
In 3 week's time I'll have spent a year in TTC limbo and all I have to show for it is a dead foetus.
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Replies
I understand completley what your going through, dont worry about posting it here either I wish I had this site when we had our 1st mmc as I felt exactly the same then & do now.
I agree with DM I think maybe you need to ask your GP for some time off work, not to much as you get to a point were you just want to stay in & do nothing & see nobody and that can be the start of depression, but just to have some time to reflect on your feelings & greif.
I know that we have BE for support but when we had our 1st mmc I contacted the mc association & they sent me some literature which I found very helpful it helped me make sense of my greif & all the different emotions I was feeling.
It is easy to put on a brave face im doing it now but the greif will just eat us up & at some point we need to cry or do whatever it is to have some sort of emotional release I know it's scary cause you feel like once you do it you've let go, but you always hold your little angel close to you. Maybe you would want to do something to honour your baby like a balloon release with a few words or write something down.
If you need anything hun just call for us or email.
Sending you lots of love & hugs xxx
I wanted to send a message yesterday but I didn't have the words to say what I wanted to.
The overwhelming feelings will catch us by surprise at the most unlikely times and you may feel like you can't cope but you can.
Sometimes we think we are not coping with difficulties but everyday you are coping and you don't even know it. You have to do what feels right for you to get through this period of grieving. If that means posting a message about how you fell that moment then do it. if it means crying you heart out, then do it. if it means watching a funny movie to take you mind off things then do it.
No-one could have described to me that empty feeling when you feel a part of you has died but I understand it now. It is crushing I know.
Sending you lot of hugs and i hope you feel a little better today
Kathy xx
Maybe you could ask the doc to sign you off for a little bit - maybe a week? Or maybe a cheap break like a mini weekend with you and OH might help make you feel a little better - reason why me and OH are going to the Lake District at the end if the month as I feel I just need a little time out too and maybe something like that might be good for you?
I hope that you're OK - thinking of you xxx