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Feel so lonely & empty...
Dont know what to say I just feel nothing I still cant beleive this bubs has left us I need to just write cause I need to cry & cant I want to explain how I feel but cant it's just empty & lonely!. Do you understand what I mean by lonely when you have people around you but you still feel lonely? does that make sense at all.
We want a baby so much & I just feel like were never gona have one to keep I know were being referred now to a clinic but im so scared of even thinking about trying again cause what if it keeps happening, I know loads of women go on to have healthy pregnancys but that just doesnt comfort me in anyway iv always stayed positive after the 1st 2 & was so positive for this bubs that we would carry to full term & get to cuddle this one but I was wrong even my instinct about this one bein sticky was wrong.
Im not a bad person so why does this keep happening I always think that were only given what we can handle but im not so sure now im a strong person but I cant keep doing this. Im worried that my body is going to be damaged if it keeps doing this or it already is so maybe we shouldnt try again for the time being but then how do you decide that when you want something so much & also the emotional trauma of going through so much loss how do you get over it the 1st time took me ages I was signed off work for a month cause I couldnt cope the 2nd time was vry early so didnt have much time to get used to the idea (chem pg) and this time I just really felt differently about it all probably cause of how badly we wanted this.
I know i've just gone on I just needed to get it off my chest.
xxxx
We want a baby so much & I just feel like were never gona have one to keep I know were being referred now to a clinic but im so scared of even thinking about trying again cause what if it keeps happening, I know loads of women go on to have healthy pregnancys but that just doesnt comfort me in anyway iv always stayed positive after the 1st 2 & was so positive for this bubs that we would carry to full term & get to cuddle this one but I was wrong even my instinct about this one bein sticky was wrong.
Im not a bad person so why does this keep happening I always think that were only given what we can handle but im not so sure now im a strong person but I cant keep doing this. Im worried that my body is going to be damaged if it keeps doing this or it already is so maybe we shouldnt try again for the time being but then how do you decide that when you want something so much & also the emotional trauma of going through so much loss how do you get over it the 1st time took me ages I was signed off work for a month cause I couldnt cope the 2nd time was vry early so didnt have much time to get used to the idea (chem pg) and this time I just really felt differently about it all probably cause of how badly we wanted this.
I know i've just gone on I just needed to get it off my chest.
xxxx
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Replies
Your angels are watching over you - you need to take time to heal and really push for some investigations to be done.
You will be in my prayers tonight hunny - i wish you a quick physical recovery and hope that the emotional side follows quickly after x x x
[Modified by: summer76 on August 24, 2009 06:02 PM]
I'm sorry that I don't have anything properly useful to say but I understand how horrifying this must be for you, three mc's must be devastating and the way you feel now is competely normal and understandable. We spend our teenage years being led to believe that becoming pregnant is too easy to believe and then to find out that this kind of thing not only happens but happens so frequently its staggering.
When I think of our group of friends and the number of couples (easily 60%) who have either had fertility or mc problems it leaves me reeling, only one couple has been unable to have children and are considering adoption and although its been a long, tough journey in a lot of cases (I kid you not, unexplained infertility - quite a few, endo, male problems, multiple miscarriage) they did get there and they did have beautiful babies in the end.
You are being investigated now and hopefully soon you will be able to at least have some kind of timeline for what is going to happen.
How is your oh coping with it all?
Do come on here and talk about what you can if it helps, its early days and I'm sure you know you do need to grieve for your loss.
Sending you lots of hugs and moral support.
xxx
Do you understand what I mean by lonely when you have people around you but you still feel lonely? does that make sense at all.
You have summed up exactly what I feel after my MMC last month. I wish I could say something to make you feel better.
)))) Big Hugs ((((
I really hope that you get some re-newed hope after your investigations.
My SIL has had a rough road and I hope her story will give you some hope.
She is on her 5th pregnancy now and only has one daughter who has just turned 6. Her 1st pregnancy ended in MC at 6 weeks and a few months later she became pregnant with Bryony who was born August 2003. When Bryony was 6 months old they started to TTC again but nothing happened for 4 years. Eventually in April 2008 they found out they were expecting again all was well at the Nuchal scan at 11+6. When it came to the 16 week check the Midwife couldn't find a heartbeat so they were sent for an emergency scan and found out that the baby had died at 12+3. They fell pregnant again in the October and lost the baby at 5 weeks, it was classed as a chemical pregnancy. This April SIL found out she was pregnant again and is now 22 weeks pregnant with another little girl and is due 28th December. 6 years later she will get her second baby. She never gave up hope and is full of PMA.
I really hope telling this story hasn't upset you, I just wanted you to know that it is possible to have a family after mulitple miscarriage.
Baby dust and PMA just for you xxx
Do you understand what I mean by lonely when you have people around you but you still feel lonely? does that make sense at all.
Thats how I felt / have felt since the MC too
There is nothing I can say to make you feel better but you are a lovely fantastic person - you give so much love and strength on these posts, to me and the other ladies and my heart aches for you but I am a firm believer we will all get our chance to be mummies very soon........you will have your chance - I am sure - and hopefully the docs will be able to help you achieve this - don't give up hun xxxxx
Your angels are looking down on you and they love you very much
Come here for support and sending you a huge hug xxxxx
I do keep faith that we will one day have a baby to keep I just really thought this time would be it.
I found out I was pg again a few days after our 1st due date & beleived it was a gift from above.
I think just knowing that there are women who understand makes it that bit easier. I dont think well be trying again just yet im still in pain!!
My gp has been great and has made an apt for 22nd sept with the gynae I just have no idea what to expect but dont have to wait to long to find out.
Radkad im sorry that af came it was sounding really positive for you, big huge hugs to you.
Thank you again all for your words & virtual hugs sending lots back to you all xxxx
All of the girls here have given great advice so I haven't got much else to add. Please do not think that you are damaging your body, your body will take the time it needs to recover and you will feel strong enough one day to continue TTC.
I am thinking of you
xxx
We understand and here for you and each other!
Really hope the 22nd will give you some answers xxx
As soon as I am feeling a bit stronger i'll be back on properly for a good chat with you all.
Thank you all again xxx