Forum home Pregnancy Miscarriage & pregnancy loss

Please can I join you?

Hello.... I was very lucky to have got my BFP in March (we had been trying since November) and would have been 9 weeks yesterday. But last Monday I naturally miscarried and lost my baby. It was the most horrendous experience I have ever had to go through.
I went home that weekend to bring my mum back to us for a holiday and we travelled up to the midlands on Monday morning. By the time we arrived home I had some light period pain type feelings. I told hubby and then a little while later I started bleeding. It was just like the start of a period. again I told hubby and burst into tears and didn't know what to do. The only other person we had told was my sister so I gave her a call and asked what to do. She said I needed to tell mum. Well that was hard, to explain to mum that I was 8 weeks pregnant and bleeding.
We saw the doctor who sent me home for complete bed rest and siad that miscarriages are common and just to hope for the best. Later that evening the pains got even worse and I passed my baby. It was awful. Mum and hubby were brilliant and looked after me so well.
I am trying to be strong but all I can think about is how happy we both were and now it is gone.
We are both desperate to try again... hubby wants a baby as much as I do.
Today is the first day on my own since the miscarriage (hubby was able to take some time off to be with me and had holiday too) and i know I should be trying to keep busy and my mind active but its hard. I am a teacher so still on holiday. I don't know what to say when I go back to work as noone at school knew we were pregnant. But that will be hard too as we have one girl who had her baby in January due back from leave very soon, one about to head off on mat leave in a couple of weeks and another who is pregnant and due to leave at the end of term. I am so so happy for them all but not sure how I will cope with all the talk of babies...
Sorry to go on but needed to talk to someone...
Thanks for listening
D:cry:

Replies

  • Oh sweetie, here we all know what you are going through.
    No one can uderstand you more, i have been trying for 9 months, and the day i got my BFP was the happiest day of my life, only to start bleeding 3 days later, on and off bledings but baby was doing great and growing fast and strong, only to have the big shock that he died inside me and had to have D&C.

    Please, take your time to grieve, you can never over react, my friend was one month ahead of me, and i couldnt see her for at least 2 months after my loss, all of a sudden i started seeing pregnant women or babies everwhere, that is just normal.

    My only advice is to go easy on yourself, there was nothing you could have done, and try to go away with your OH, somewhere nice, a change of scenary is great.
    The thing i can surely say, is that you will never forget your loss, but the pain will get better by time, believe me hun, i had lots of ups and downs an di thought i would die, but time is the best medicine.

    Lots of (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
    Any time you need to talk we are all here for you
    Love
    Renee
  • I was so happy when I got my bfp it would have been my third child and I was as happy as if it were the first but I had to have a d&c on the 22nd of March because I had a mmc. I understand how hard its going to be listening to all the baby talk and that but like you I have a partner who is keen to try again and that always helps. You will get there with the grieving process every day is so hard and I still am not 100% but with the support of my partner who I love so much I am getting through and you can too. When you feel down just come here everyone is willing to listen and they have listened to my rants and tears and they will listen to yours. Sending you a big virtual hug. My first day at home alone was tough too but you can make it.
  • Hi, sorry you have to be on here. The first day alone is a bit hard but it does get better, its a week since my ERPC following my mmc and I feel a lot better already. Its a real rollercoaster and your emotions will be a bit up and down. That desperation to try again is something that lots of us feel and has really helped me.

    I'm sorry that going back to work will be hard - I think I would really struggle with it too but in time this definately gets easier.
  • Hi, im sorry that you are joining us on here and im sorry for your loss. I was 9 weeks when i found out my baby had died at just over 7 and had medical management to 'evacuate my utereus' and it was horrible and traumatic and i will never forget seeing 'my baby' i just held it and wept as to me it was the most beautiful thing in the world. this was 3 weeks ago and i am now eagerly waiting an af appearance which im hoping is soon to ttc again.

    We got pregnant 1st month of trying and were so chuffed espec when a scan at 6+4 gave us a good heartbeat and we are devestated and plan to try straight away also and hope that we are lucky!

    Its good that you have some support round you - i lost my mum in September and my sis couldnt care less so without my hubby who has been amazing i dont know i would have coped. I remember though when he went back to work (he took a week off to be with me) i felt really alone and scared and lost. I have since had 4 weeks off and today is my 1st day back at work and its very hard (and also such a long day as its goin in so slowly and i so much wish i was at home in my bed cuddled up with my dog for company instead) anyway, i dont have anyone at work pregnant or on mat leave which is good but i work with health visitors and have just done my first visit this morning which was so hard as i know i should be looking forward to that - i would be approaching 14 weeks now and should be getting bigger and telling everyone.

    It hurts so much - i just hope my af appears soon and that we fall quicklyaagain with a sticky BFP this time but im also petrified at the thought of trying again incase we have to go through all of this again (touch wood) but wanting to try again soon seems to be a fairly natural response.

    I currently 'hate' pregnant woman, not in a bad way as i wouldnt wish mc on anyone but i cant help being jealous at what they still have to look forward to and at what i have lost especially when i have to go and visit some of the families that i do and they couldnt care less about thier children - why me??? (and why all of us life is so unfair!)

    Anyway as i said this site has been a great help to me in terms of the kind wishes and words of support i have recieved from all of the lovely ladies on here as sadly we all know what everyone is going through.

    I hope things go ok for you over the next week or so and try to stay strong when you go back to work - you dont have to tell people if you dont want to but i have found that telling people has actually made it a little easier but its not something that people feel comfortable talkin about and unless they have gone through it often dont know what to say to you and as i have found can even make it worse. Also dont go back unrtil you are really ready to as i think i made myself ill last week at the thought of it and that it was my bodies way of telling me i needed a bit longer. You need to look after yourself your health is much more important!

    Anyway there is always someone here to listen....you will also come to notice that i always tend to write really big rambling waffly posts (sorry!)

    Take Care,

    Lx
  • Hi honey,
    So sorry to read your story. I mc'd naturally at 9 weeks in Feb and it really is the worst experience.
    No advice will make the pain go away but I promise it does get easier, although you certainly won't be feeling that way just now.
    Keep posting on here- everyone is so supportive and will help you through the next few weeks.
    Sending you lots of love.
    xxxxxxxxxxx
  • Thank you all for those lovely comments... I can see I have come to the right place! I am so sorry to hear of all your losses but (in the best way possible) its nice to know we are not alone.
    Well I have done ok so far... done a lot of reading, been shopping (that was hard as so many babies there...I guess you don't notice normally), had lunch whilst reading (so I wouldn't think too much), done the washing up and have mowed the lawn (all with ipod on so brain can't wander!). Am preparing a nice dinner for hubby when he comes home as I know today will have been hard for him too.
    I am sure I will be visiting here lots over the coming weeks so thanks again for all the wonderful comments... you are all so brave and supportive.
    Dx
  • Hello, I'm so sorry for your loss.

    As the girls say, we know what you are going through. I went to my 12 week scan to find the baby had died at 9 weeks. I had an ERPC the same day, so thankfully didn't have to wait for it.

    I found things hard at first, because everyone wanted to say sorry. But didn't know what else to say. I also have a couple of pg ladies at work. My best friend has a new baby as well.

    I found time helped, and not bottling up how you are feeling. I also managed to spend a weekend with my friend and baby, and appreciated the baby cuddles. It wasn't as hard as I thought.

    It sucks right now. You might have some people who have no idea what you are/have been through say some stupid or insensitive things, but they can't help it! lol

    Cliches work, take time to grieve, don't bottle things up, if you can do something to remember your bean. Take care, we're here if you need us. xx
  • Hiya,

    Am so sorry for your loss.

    I too had a mc naturally on 25th Feb. It was so sad. I woke up at 3 in the morning with excrutiating stomach cramps and bleeding. My hubby and I went to the hospital the next day. The worst thing was, I had to sit in a waiting room for over two hours until I was given a scan. And because they were so busy in the early pregnancy emergency ward, I was sent down to the main Ultrasound dept, where I then sat for a further 45 mins (in a lot of pain) before I had my scan. Surrounded by happy couples coming in for their 12week/20week...scans.... I was last to be seen in every ward I was sent to. I felt like the world was conspiring against me.

    The nurse couldn't find my baby on a normal ultrasound scan. I knew it was going to be bad news for sure, as a 10 week baby should be visible on a normal scan. She gave me an internal scan, and said that my dates must be wrong because the baby was only measuring to 6 weeks. Then she said she was very sorry but there was no heartbeat. I remember my husband's face. I think up to that point he thought we were going to be ok, even though I had warned him I didn't think we would get a happy ending.

    I was then sent back up to the early pregnance emergency ward, where finally I was given a bed. I had to wait a further 2 hours to be seen by the Consultant. I mc'd shortly after I spoke to the consultant.

    It was such a traumatic and painful day. But slowly you start to feel better physically and emotionally. For me, I just wanted to get back to normal so that we could ttc again.

    My husband has been so good (I know this was quite upsetting for him too). Made harder by the fact that his bro and SIL are ttc for their second child.

    I have found that quite difficult to deal with. I wish they would just go away. Do they have to do this knowing the pain we've been through? But of course it is not their fault. You can't help having irrational feelings towards stuff like that!

    Anyway that is my story.

    Hope you feel better soon.

    Love,
    Edie xxx
  • Hi there

    Just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss.

    There's nothing I can say to make the pain any less but please know that you're not alone and we're always here to listen.

    Love NN xxx


    http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10719;30/st/20090413/e/%27Round+4%27/dt/5/k/a085/s-event.png




    Click Here To Read My Ramblings On Living With Loss
  • didnt want to read and run, welcome to our little gang, xx
Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions