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My poor OH

People have been very kind and have shown great concern for my wellbeing but what about my poor OH? I get texts asking how i am and not her, I got flowers from my step mum today but only addressed to me, and then a card came in the post from my manager at work, only addressed to me. No mention of my OH. She is hurting just as much as me. We both lost this baby. I don't know how to make it better for her :cry: People are thoughtful but not thoughtful enough and i feel all their well wishes on me are wasted cos there's none for my beautiful wife


  • BIG HUG for Mummaj's wife x x x x x x x

    the other half is usually forgotton but i think they can almost suffer more because they have to watch their loved one go through the physical pain which must be so difficult.

    Tell her that we are all thinking of her also x
  • This is such a sad time for both of you and its important that you look after her as well as her looking after you. People will not automatically think of the OH (they didnt with me and hubby was almost more gutted than I was as I felt more 'in control' of the situation - if that makes sense!). I made sure that he was looked after and I tried to support him through it. People want to be nice and they think they are doing the right thing but inevitably, people wont know what to say or do. I dont know what to say as there is no definative answer but you need to take care of eachother and make sure that you both keep talking and sharing and looking after eachother and hopefully she will feel included in your grief and vice versa.

    Sorry for your loss, and sorry if I havent helped.

    Lots of Love - to both of you xxx
  • Hi MummaJ

    It's awful isn't it? People do seem to forget about the other partner involved and that is was their baby too.

    Keep telling her that you know that she is suffering just as much too :\)

    Sending you both ((((((hugs)))))

    Love NN xx
  • Hiya MummaJ

    People can forget that in fact there are two people involved here, and whatever the circumstances you both have shared this whole experience from start to finish together and will continue to do so long after. You both had hopes and dreams for this baby and other people sometimes fail to recognise that you will both be feeling as much pain and hurt as each other.

    Obviously for the person who would have been having the baby its a bit different, but I think people who know you both also know that your lovely wife knows all too well about being a mother herself and is going to be feeling this even more so! Anyhow you have each other for support, bu*ger off anyone else who doesn't understand. We all do!!!!!

    Massive hugs to you both, and thinking of you xxxxx

  • oh Honey, i totally agree with the lovely ladies above, people are just trying to do the right thing, forgetting that your OH is hurting too, emotionally at least. After my miscarriage it wasnt the physical pain that was hurting me it was the emotional, and that makes my OH and your OH and all of our partners martyrs.

    I think that OH really cares about you and she wouldnt feel bad that people are paying attention to you, i think all she would care about is your response. So it is you who can hug her and talk her out of this pain, it is your turn now to supprt her i guess image

    Wish you all the best Hun

    Renee xx

    [Modified by: renee18 on March 28, 2009 06:27 PM]

  • Yeah I mean men must hurt too because my partner is so itching to concieve again and I think it is because he misses me being pregnant as much as I miss it. People do send alot of support for me and not him its kind of sad. I thought it would be easier because I already have kids this time but somehow its harder because I know exactly what I am missing out on and it does hurt and it must feel the same way for him he enjoyed spending time with our kids as babies too carrying them around in the kapoochi pouch and that. Why is it people think pregnancy only has to do with one partner I mean you both are about to be parents. Ah well I can never figure out half the things people do and believe so I am not gonna start trying now. Good luck for future concieving mummaj and give oh a big hug from me.
  • My work sent me for counselling through occ health. They were happy to pay for my OH to come too. Even if others don't give them the attention and care they need, perhaps counselling as a couple will give her a place to be listened to, and be a signal to others who just haven't thought (as painful as it is to you and her, this is usually the reason people don't ask and/or include).

    Good luck
  • This is such a good post and so true, my doctor (who is lovely) did only really talk to me when we saw her even though my hubby was right there she seemed to direct all her concern on me which was lovely and very appreciated but i can sooo see how our OH's get forgotten. They don't have the physical bit so in a way people don't think they hurt but of course they do - give your OH a hug from me and tell her that i am sorry for what you both lost!

    Love Rena xx
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