im having a m/c

sexybutsassy · Aug 18, 2008 5:32PM

Hi Ladies i just saw this site i've been in ttc, i started having a miscarriage wednesday, i found out i was pregnant on the 1st. I dont know if i've been dealing with this in the right way my dh couldnt come to the hospital with me yesterday when i went for the scan and when i told him i told him and everyone who knew about it i want no sypathy i want to hear about random thing so i havent spoke about it at all. I know its not good to bottle thing up but it just the way i deal with things. Im one of thses people when im hurt or upset i dont want to be touched i just want to be alone then i see this part of the site and im falling apart as we speak because i was only 5 and a half weeks i thinking i've been veiwing this in a strange way as i wasnt pregnant in the first place to make it worse my best friend just got pregnant and so did 2 of my aunts. im babaling i know i dont even really know what im saying or if im asking a question hope you dont mind listening

kayleigh xx

tillyjayne · Aug 8, 2008 6:03AM

hiya,you can rant and talk all you like thats what we're all here for. everybody deals with grieve differently and i don't suppose there is any right or wrong way. i'm going through medical manangement for a miscarriage at 8 weeks all though it had ended at 6 weeks. i seem to be handling well and around friends and family the show goes on but to be honest it is all a lie i feel terrible inside but i don't want anybody to feel awkward because i'm a wreck,having other children also means i've got to get on with it!! i'm pretty much,like you want to be on my own or with my husband and kids just untill i start to feel better. i'm so sorry for what your going through i hope you can take some comfort in knowing that we're here for you and can share in some of your experiences. try not to block it out having a good cry will do you good. try not to push your hubbie away as he'll be feeling it too. in a strange way i feel it's brought me and my husband closer together. thinking of you. xxxxx

Lentil · Aug 8, 2008 9:44AM

Kayleigh,
Don't worry - we're all a bit nutty at this point. This morning I was reading a pregnancy magazine and yesterday I was trying to work out if I was ever really carrying a child. My hubby wanted me to go out with his parents this weekend- as if I can manage to hold myself together for that? I screamed at the telly earlier cos murder she wrote isn't on. Normally I hate daytime tv and say its a government conspiracy to get us back to work. Now I just need the distraction.
Can't share this with anyone other than hubby, I'm a positive person with friends and can't bear to let myself down. Also I know I'm talking a lot of rubbish and saying things I don't mean. I don't really want to be let out in public just yet! Somehow got to pull it together - my little sis is getting married a week tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid. I can't help thinking I've ruined her wedding day.

CupcakeLadyJ · Aug 9, 2008 3:03AM

Kayleigh, I'm so sorry you're going through this - its an awful time so I have to say that I think you need to try and talk to someone, even if its us. It isn't good to bottle these feelings up. Your hubby will be feeling very sad too and you could be a great support to each other. I don't know how I'd have coped without my hubby being there. I was sort of the same in some respects, I didn't want to see any other family apart from my Mum. I'd got to the point where I couldn't bear to cry anymore and Mum is the only one who is 'less emotional' in our family so I knew it was unlikely she'd cry! I did bottle my feelings up to some extent and recently, having thought I'd got over it, I had quite a big relapse of emotion (at my brother in law's wedding of all things). But it helped to talk again and I talked to a stranger (my other brother in law's boyfriend) about everything I was feeling. Although you might not want it, you do need sympathy, you're going through a tough time and incredibly sad time and I personally feel you need people around you. I know its easy for me to say, but try and open up, you will feel better.

Lentil - I'm so sorry to hear about your situation too. I wanted to say, don't say things like you have ruined your sister's wedding. As much as she might be getting stressed with last minute plans and might be being a bridezilla (I'm obviously only guessing as I don't know her!) - she will be grateful that you will be there on her special day and she will be thinking of you and what has happened. If she's not and IS being a total bridezilla (I was a bit of one myself!!!!!) then you need to tell her you need space and time and perhaps someone else should do some of your bridesmaid duties.

Please ignore me if I am over guessing on your situation tho as I don't know for sure what is happening! All I wanted to say is don't think things like that - you're going through a really hard time and I'm sure you sister and family know that and will be understanding of how you are feeling & acting.

Hope that makes sense and you know what I'm trying to say!
Julie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lentil · Aug 9, 2008 2:36PM

Joo
Thanks for your comments. Sis is fortunately (?) 400 miles away so I get to escape the panic mode until midweek. I think I was worried already about upstaging her as I'd been looking forward to telling family - I'd have been 11 weeks and was hoping I'd have had my scan in time for wedding. Its going to be a bittersweet wedding anyway as our dad passed away in February so I think we were going to be fighting back the tears anyway, without that extra bit of sadness around us. I just think its going to take a lot to keep that happy smile in place on Saturday.

CupcakeLadyJ · Aug 9, 2008 2:44PM

Oh sweetie I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad too

Are you doing anything special to remember him? I only ask as my husbands Mum passed away the Christmas before our wedding, we lit lanterns and floated them in the sky to remember her by (and 2 other special friends who had passed away). Every year we are going to send off a lantern for his Mum on our wedding anniversary and we'll light one for the little bean we lost in June too.

It will be a hard day, but you'll get through it.

Thinking of you loads - come and let us know how it goes if you want?

Take care love & hugs xxx

Lentil · Aug 11, 2008 5:58AM

I'm thinking of placing my bouquet on his grave (round the back of the church the ceremony is taking place) after the photos. I think mum and sis and I will raise a toast before we leave for church and I know there'll be some silent prayers - not just from us - throughout the service.
Will pop back next week to let you know how we got on.

Lentil · Aug 18, 2008 3:18PM

Hi
Wedding went really well - it didn't rain!
Back to work again coping ok so far
Lentil

tillyjayne · Aug 18, 2008 5:32PM

Glad you had a good day!! keep smiling! xxxx

im having a m/c

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