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Medical management in the morning
I feel so angry. I have 2 children (12 and 14) from my previous relationship. My "new" partner (who is lovely!) and I decided to try for a baby (he has a son aged 21 from a previous relationship but was a child bride lol) and were delighted to discover we were pregnant on New Year's Day. All has gone swimmingly-as a qualified (but non-practising) Midwife of course I know the risk of miscarriage is around 25%-maybe slightly higher now I'm 39 (Aaaaarrrggghhh!) but having had 2 perfectly normal previous pregnancies I (stupidly) assumed all would be OK. We had decided on an amnio and on Tuesday went for our dating scan at 12weeks and 3 days. I have sat in on enough scans to know when something is wrong and stared at the ceiling blinking back tears (and almost severing OHs fingers) as we were told our baby is a 9 week size and no heartbeat. I have given the talk myself so many times I can recite it in my sleep but nothing could have prepared us both for the overwhelming sense of loss we feel. As I have never had a GA and OH said he would panic about me having one, we have opted for medical management. I took the tablet in clinic before having bloods taken and we return at 9am today (and yes I have been up all night) for the pessaries. I had to be induced with my eldest and had terrible prostin pains and am, quite frankly, terrified. I am also worrying about silly things like how OH will cope (his b**** of an ex terminated his baby at 20 plus weeks and he saw the baby as it was taken away) and whether he will still fancy me after it is all over.
I feel my body has let us BOTH down...I still feel pregnant and have not bled yet although I have had some crampy pains. He has been an absolute star and I know he is trying to be strong for me although he did cry when we came home. Second time I have seen him cry-the first was when we did the positive pregnancy test. Amonst my stupid concerns are; will we have a single room with a loo-I really don't fancy miscarrying my baby into a bedpan in a 4 bedded ward. What if it doesn't work? When I was a student I looked after one lady having a late TOP and it took 3 days (by which time I had finished my Gynae placement), what state will our baby be in having died almost 4 weeks ago...
I just keep dissolving in a heap and reading horror stories hasn't helped.I don't loke pain (who does?) but had diamorphine in first labour and threw up constantly for 12 hours after it so don't want an injection. I had hoped it would start at home but no. Also I work with showjumpers-how long should I take off? This all seems so unfair-we have done everything right and now this. I'm going out of my mind. In an hour I need to have a bath and get ready-I hope someone can help before I go because I am sat her with tears streaming down my face. Our dreams have been shattered and at the moment I am not coping at all. A big part of me wants to go to Theatre so it is all sorted quickly but the DR scared me to death talking about perforated uteruses.....
I feel my body has let us BOTH down...I still feel pregnant and have not bled yet although I have had some crampy pains. He has been an absolute star and I know he is trying to be strong for me although he did cry when we came home. Second time I have seen him cry-the first was when we did the positive pregnancy test. Amonst my stupid concerns are; will we have a single room with a loo-I really don't fancy miscarrying my baby into a bedpan in a 4 bedded ward. What if it doesn't work? When I was a student I looked after one lady having a late TOP and it took 3 days (by which time I had finished my Gynae placement), what state will our baby be in having died almost 4 weeks ago...
I just keep dissolving in a heap and reading horror stories hasn't helped.I don't loke pain (who does?) but had diamorphine in first labour and threw up constantly for 12 hours after it so don't want an injection. I had hoped it would start at home but no. Also I work with showjumpers-how long should I take off? This all seems so unfair-we have done everything right and now this. I'm going out of my mind. In an hour I need to have a bath and get ready-I hope someone can help before I go because I am sat her with tears streaming down my face. Our dreams have been shattered and at the moment I am not coping at all. A big part of me wants to go to Theatre so it is all sorted quickly but the DR scared me to death talking about perforated uteruses.....
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Replies
First, please dont think about your husband not fancying you..etc, i was worried about my OH and felt so guilty that i caused him so much pain and even tried to be strong which only led to a total collapse of hysterical crying at which i found my husband taking care of me. It then hit me that as much as he was sad, his fear for me and his love where much much more. A father is loving and everything but dont expect him to be feeling like you, no one is compared to the mother.
After i was better my husband told me that he loves me more than ever, because this fear he had and the time he was taking care of me made him feel so responsible of me. (hmmmmmmm perhaps a little of a mcho theory but i like it)
As for the management, well, i had a D&C (ERPC), my doctor didnt offer me the medical management. But it was a simple and fast procedure, first you dont actually get general anaestheis, i am a doctor, iand i know that there are many grades of anaesthesia, and for such a short procedure they give you such light drugs (i was out only for less than an hour, the D&C lasted 20 minutes). Also the risk of perforation is so minimal, lots of ladies here had the D&C once and even twice.
I was so scared before my D&C, but now i am happy i had it.
As for the medical management, i dont have any experience with it, but in case it doesnt work, then i am afraid you should have the D&C, as having the baby inside so long is not healthy at all.
Well, if i was you, i wouldnt check for the baby, most of the ladies who miscarried naturally or with medical management said that they passed a greyish clot, and they didnt se the baby. I wouldnt check, i wouldnt want to see the baby, it was devastating enough to see his heart beat one week, then to see him out of life the next week.
Just drink lots of fluids, and eat healthy, your body needs it. And if youhave any questions or want to talk, this is the right place.
You are in my thoughts
Love
Renee x
Sorry to hear about your sad news. I have had 2 MMC now and even when you know all the statistics and information, when it is you that it is happening to the pain and shock is just as severe. I hope the pessary does the trick for you today. I haven't ever had the medical management, but a few ladies on here have should you have any questions. Sadly as Renee18 said, if the medical doesn't work out some ladies end up having an ERPC too. I would opt for it myself as it is quick and 'over and done with' in one go. The anaesthetic drugs they use are quickly got rid off by the body. They don't use a muscle relaxant so are only lightly asleep. There really is minimal risk. As for perforations, these again are rare. If you have an experienced consultant then they will do this procedure frequently. I believe that rather than the older method of using the curette, which does have a higher chance of damaging the wall, they can use a vacuum/suction which doesn't carry the same risk. You could ask your Dr about their method.
But hopefully everything will go well and so you won't need to.
I know there is nothing I can say to make things better for you right now. Just know you are not alone and there are always ladies on here to chat to that have been through what you are going through now. You will be in shock for a few days whilst taking this on board but do come and chat to us. My MMC was reasonably recent so am on here quite a lot at the moment!
Lilou x
i am so sorry for what you're going through but can completely understand your fears and how you are feeling right now.
by now you will have had the medical management and i really hope that it works for you. i had a mmc and found out at the scan at 13 weeks and like you the baby had died at 9 weeks. i was totally unprepared for this as i was still suffering with morning sickness and the placenta was still growing. like you i was scared of the erpc and the consultant put me off. when i went in to hospital for medical management, i had a sideroom with a bathroom so it was very private. i was in from 9am til 9pm when they finally let me home as i really didn't want to stay the night. medical management only worked to a certain extent for me and i bled for a few weeks and passed large clots but when i had a follow up appt 3 weeks later i was told that the mc was incomplete. i ended up trying med management again(mad i know!) and of course it failed. they kept me in and i had to have the erpc which i had dreaded. even though i had really heavy bleeding after the op and i had to stay in overnight, if this were ever to happen again i would definitely opt for the erpc.
there is nothing i can say to make this any easier for you but i just want you to know that we are all here for you and if you need to know anything at all then please ask. it's such a difficult thing to go through and those who haven't experienced it just don't understand. take care. x