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How do you get through the first few days?
(Cross posted to ttc after miscarriage/ectopic)
I miscarried my first baby last night at exactly 10 weeks.
Fortunately I was able to pass everything without need for surgical interference so physically I am doing reasonably well. I am still bleeding but in no pain.
How the hell do you get through the first few days/weeks? My hubby and I want to start trying again as soon as we are able but I just can't see through these few days. I'm exhausted, I had virtually no sleep last night as was so nervous/upset.
The doctor at the hospital said I'd be well enough to go back to work on Monday but I just can't face it. I boobed by getting excited and telling a few colleagues, including a lady who is 16 weeks pregnant, that I was pregnant and I can't face their questions or pity. I can't face work either, Or other people.
I want to go out shopping but I know I'd just burst into tears at the sight of a pushchair or a baby shop.
I could see friends but most are in the midst of a baby boom and either new mums or heavily pregnant.
My hubby is being so good and I have my family's support but I just don't know what to do/say/think to make this feel better.
How did you cope? What did you do? I'm so utterly at a loss. There's no 'Miscarriage for Dummies' book anywhere that I've missed is there?!
I just can't see myself getting through these early stages. I know it becomes easier with time but how?!
I don't want to have to deal with this.
48 hours ago, my darling baby was probably already dead inside of me and I had no idea I'd have to be dealing with this.
I literally can't see past the tears in my eyes to type this and I just want to sleep. I've had about 2/3 hours sleep in 36 hours. Every time I try and settle I think of the baby and it just wakes me up.
Help!?
Becky
I miscarried my first baby last night at exactly 10 weeks.
Fortunately I was able to pass everything without need for surgical interference so physically I am doing reasonably well. I am still bleeding but in no pain.
How the hell do you get through the first few days/weeks? My hubby and I want to start trying again as soon as we are able but I just can't see through these few days. I'm exhausted, I had virtually no sleep last night as was so nervous/upset.
The doctor at the hospital said I'd be well enough to go back to work on Monday but I just can't face it. I boobed by getting excited and telling a few colleagues, including a lady who is 16 weeks pregnant, that I was pregnant and I can't face their questions or pity. I can't face work either, Or other people.
I want to go out shopping but I know I'd just burst into tears at the sight of a pushchair or a baby shop.
I could see friends but most are in the midst of a baby boom and either new mums or heavily pregnant.
My hubby is being so good and I have my family's support but I just don't know what to do/say/think to make this feel better.
How did you cope? What did you do? I'm so utterly at a loss. There's no 'Miscarriage for Dummies' book anywhere that I've missed is there?!
I just can't see myself getting through these early stages. I know it becomes easier with time but how?!
I don't want to have to deal with this.
48 hours ago, my darling baby was probably already dead inside of me and I had no idea I'd have to be dealing with this.
I literally can't see past the tears in my eyes to type this and I just want to sleep. I've had about 2/3 hours sleep in 36 hours. Every time I try and settle I think of the baby and it just wakes me up.
Help!?
Becky
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Replies
Hun, cry, cry cry, hug hubby and just make sure you both talk, and keep talking i guess. Time will heal, at the moment it may seem impossible, but i guess it will. And keep reading this website, it has been my saviour this week. Just reading others support has been sooooo reassuring and stops you from thinking you are going mad!!
Hugs to you, sorry i don't have any definite answers for you hun.
xxxx
Hope you're healing okay... don't be silly about not having any definite answers... it meant so much to see that someone had given my situation such thought and seeing that you're getting through this made me feel miles better.
Becky x
I have been watching on you since you left ttc and knew you had a bleed a few weeks ago but to read this is just so sad.
Anything you need just ask xxxx
How I got through it was by staying in the house and just letting my OH take care of me. Sofa, blanket, food, tea, chocolate, tv. It all sounds like stupid little things but I was in a bit of pain (I was only 7 weeks) and just needed to curl up on the sofa and cry when I needed to, and feel comforted.
That was 2 months ago now and its amazing how much stronger I feel as regards seeing pregnant women, prams etc. It will get easier for you in time.
I also found coming on this website a great help. Obviously I couldn't face the Due in forums or TTC, but I came into this forum and the support I received was unbelievable.
Especially from MH above.
Thinking of you
xxx
After about a week all I could think about was getting pregnant again, I thought that it would make everything better but looking back I think I needed to work through the mmc before getting pregnant. I avoided everyone who was pregnant and felt furious at anyone who couldn't understand what I was going through. My husband was great and amazingly supportive but its something that you just have to go through in your own way, you are grieving and there is no wrong or right way to do it, as long as you are being kind to yourself and oh then you will get through it.
5 months on I am still not pregnant but I have just spent a few days with my brother and sil who's baby is due three weeks before mine would have been and I felt nothing more than happy for their impending new arrival, a little bit sad maybe but nothing like how I thought I would feel.
You will be OK, I wish we could all give you a big hug.
I cried, stayed in my pyjamas for a couple of days. Then realised I wanted to get dressed.
Take your time in grieving, it does get easier, although the light at the end of the tunnel can seem a long way away. There's no time limit, and no way you are supposed to be feeling. You will know when you are ready to go back to work. For me I felt 2 weeks was the longest I should have off. It was hard to return, but after the first day, it got better.
If you feel you would like to do/get something to remember your bean then do. It is a bereavement like any other. We got a Ty teddy with Little Angel on it. It will be pride of place tomorrow on my due date.
I couldn't imagine I would be lucky enough to get pg again, and it all be ok. But I am extremely lucky to be 18 weeks pg, and fingers crossed all is well.
You have to think of the future as well as the past, and you will be able to do this given a little more time. Don't rush anything.
Take care, big hugs. xx
Ive had 2 mmc and i know nothing will make you feel any better right now, but listen to Mythical, she is very wise and there is no time limit on grief.
I understand your concern about the people who knew you were pg, i also learnt that lesson the first mc and have never told anyone early again.
There will be light at the end of the tunnel. I dont understand why we have to go through. I was lucky enough to get pg straight away after my first mmc and had a healthy pg, then got pg easily and had a second son, it was 2 years later when i had another mmc. Ive no idea why, some people say with your first pg your body just doesnt know what has hit it, but it will be more prepared the second time, which i like to believe is the case. Maybe i had another one to help other people come to terms with their mc.
There is no right way to deal with things, and if you dont feel strong enough to go back to work, then dont. I was off for nearly 4 weeks after my first. I can relate to you not wanting to see other prams ect, i used to think how can they have a baby and i cant!!! All these feelings are quite normal and they will fade and you will be stronger.
Thinking of you
Gemm x
As you no i have very recently had a MMC and i am only just starting to bleed the first few days is just unbearable to be honest i don't think their is anything to say that will help you get through it just spend time with your hubby and have lots of cuddles i have very up and down days but i am finding things a bit easier now it has been a couple of weeks xx
I am sending you all the love and hugs in the world i feel for you both i know how hard it is if you need to talk just let me know xxxx
A week and a bit on, I am feeling a bit stronger, which I am quite suprised by - I have been back at work 2 days, yes, could do without work altogether, but it has helped take my mind off things. Yes, I won't lie and say I don't have sad moments, I do, and they hit when I am least expecting them... about 5 ladies in the office have recently had babies, so there isn't a day that goes by without babies being discussed or photos being sent to update us... it is hard. But on the whole I have been able to manage my emotions - which normally I struggle with. I had to pop round to a friend's tonight to drop something off and beforehand I thought I'd just pop it through the door, but she saw me and invited me in - was slightly apprehensive as she has a 6mth baby girl, but I held her, and I didn't cry, yes, I did feel a gutted feeling, but I had to get through it at some point. What I am trying to say is, it won't ever go away, but a week on, I am feeling a bit stronger.
Discussed with the fertility nurse yesterday that after my next AF, hubby and i have talked and we will start ttc again, providing our thoughts are still in the right place. I was due to start taking clomifene but because I have managed to get pg naturally, we have decided to give ttc naturally a go for a few months. If in a couple of months, still no joy, then we may re-consider the clomifene option.
Stay strong beccaroo, you will get through this hun.
xxxx
I am taking the week off work and have made my team aware of what's happened. I'm glad I did that as I've had a fair amount of time off with various pregnancy things and I was worried they'd all talk and think I was skiving. They have been lovely and sent me some beautiful flowers today, which has really helped. I feel like they're supportive of me now so I can go back in a bit happier and not worried of what they'll think.
It's difficult to know how to grieve because it's such a private grief.... you're grieving someone you never met and yet you loved them with all your heart. We're taking it one step at a time. I'm glad you're beginning to feel better. When I MCed I didn't feel like I'd ever feel okay again but it does feel already like there is light at the end of the tunnel. I think the hormones screw you over aswell. Well done for having the strength to deal with other people's pregnancies and babies. Only last Thursday me and a lady at work were bemoaning our morning sickness, she's 5 weeks or so ahead of where I was and watching her bump grow is going to be a constant reminder of what I don't have.
I took your idea of the sleeping tablets and got some off my doc. That's really helped, I found the worst times were when I'd wake up in the night to change my towels and just be a wreck who couldn't get back to sleep, then I'd feel worse the next day because of the exhaustion and not be able to eat. I have a history of depression which hasn't reared it's head for a while and I'm desperately trying to avoid that.
Where did you see a fertility nurse? I feel really lost, have all these unanswered questions about whether my body is okay or not (see other thread) and I don't know who to ask! My care in hospital was excellent but other than asking GP for a sicknote I haven't had ANY aftercare whatsoever.
We'll also be TTC naturally for a while. We're going to start straight away, the GP didn't seem too concerned and conceded they only say wait a month for dating purposes. Whilst I won't be gutted if we don't do it first cycle, I would be gutted if I took any chance away from myself. That said, we're taking time and finding things to enjoy doing together before babies come along, trying to almost see it as being blessed with extra time just the two of us.
Sorry, this turned out a lot longer than I was expecting! I'll go now. Hope you continue to cope as well as you have been so far, thanks again for your amazing support everyone.
Becky x x x
Speak to your doctor, even if its just for peace of mind...
Take care.
xx
Just thought I'd share some of my experiences with you. June 2007 I was where you are now - just had a mmc, first, much wanted pregnancy, cruelly taken away from me. I was in a state, couldn't eat, sleep...but I did things which helped
-read books/ researched mmc and early pregnancy
-came on here and shared feelings with others in the same position and those who had experienced it
-planted a tree to remember out LO
-forced myself to see pregnant friends (there were 12 others pregnant at that time - this was a mistake as I didn't need to do it and it only hurt me more)
-kept a dairy- rated each day a mark out of 10
-talked lots with OH, had a few days out away from where we live
and when we were ready - started ttc once again, the only thing I can say about this is I felt I had to be strong enough to cope if the same thing happened again...anyway, soon got in to the whole new world of ov sticks and charting.....18 cycles later, I have a +ve and am now 34 weeks pregnant.........
so take each day as it comes, be kind to yourself and do something nice for yourself each day...cry when you want to and get your thoughts out - whether it is on here, in a diary or to a friend/ OH
It does get better xxx