Forum home Pregnancy Miscarriage & pregnancy loss

It wasn't meant to be...

Hi ladies

Just got back from the hospital where I had a scan. I was told that there was no heartbeat and the baby was the size of a 6 week pregancy rather than 10 weeks. I went there expecting to see my little apple doing flipflops and sucking it's thumb. I'm in shock.

I haven't had any other signs of miscarriage apart from some spotting which everyone told me was 'normal'. I now have to make a decision to wait it out or go for surgical option. Both are difficult choices and I don't want to think about wither choice I just want my baby back.

I know that's not realistic but this is such a shock I don't know what to think...

How long will I have to wait before baby leaves me? do you think days, weeks????

Kathy

Replies

  • Hi Kathy,

    Im so sorry hun to read this. It is heartbreaking news & understand how much you are hurting.

    We also had a mmc just over 2 wks ago, I opted for erpc as my personal experience with a previous mmc was very difficult.

    It's very hard to say hun how long the process will take everyone is different, 1st mmc I started spotting a day after the scan & the bleeding progressed I ended up having to have an erpc despite passing my pg in the hospital I still had some tissue left behind & was bleeding far to heavy.

    The decision as hard as it is can only be yours.

    Everyone on here has experienced the same so will be here to offer advice & comfort when you need it hun.

    Sending you lots of hugs & love xxx
  • Don't have any advice on MMC but just wanted to say again that I'm so sorry you're going through this xx
  • Hi Kathy

    I know totally what you are going through. Last tuesday i had a 12 week scan to find out that my baby had died at around 9 1/2 weeks (had no warning signs what so ever to indicate a miscarriage). You are just in shock, upset, numb not sure what or how to think or feel. I just left with a load of leaflets and didn't really hear alot of what the sonographer was telling me. Went to see my Gp the next day to see if they could explain things better but they put me in with a trainee GP who just stared at me whilst i was in tears and said that she ddn't know much about the proceedures and to contact EPAS as i had been told the day before. Left the GP feeling worse that when i went in.

    After speaking to EPAS I opted to have an ERPC which i had on friday. I just didn't think emotionally that i could cope with weeks of bleeding and coming to terms with losing the baby over what could be a long few weeks if I let nature take it's course.

    I had a lovely nurse when i went to the day surgery unit, she made things alot easier, even though i had to sign cremation forms and other various things. I thought that over the last few days i was doing better, had hardly cried since I had the ERPC, but today i just feel so devastated all over again, i don't know whether i am still tired from the anaesthetic, or not getting much sleep at night, but i feel a complete wreck. The only things keeping me going at the moment are my really supportive partner and my 22 month old son.

    I can't really answer as to what is best for you to do next, i just did what felt right, but i don't think i will get over things as quickly as i first thought. I think what i am finding most difficult is not having anyone to talk to who has been through the same thing or who can understand how i am feeling, I don't know whether you feel the same.

    So sorry for your loss
    Jodie x
  • Hi there,
    Thank you for your replies.
    I spent most of yesterday afternoon at the hospital seeing the Dr. She confimed that I am having a missed miscarriage, which means that my body is still holding on to the baby even though it died about 4/5 weeks ago. Because of the risk of infection I am having a ERCP this afternoon as an emergency. On one hand I am relived that something is happening rather then being in limbo but on the other I am scared about how I will feel afterwards. The events of the last few days have sunk in for hubby and he doesn't know how to deal with it. He has had to work this week and feels really guilty for leaving me to go to the hospital myself. He will be there to collect me tonight which is the main thing.

    I not questioning why or thinking about the 'what if's' I am just trying to make sense of the fact that I look like a nearly 3 month pregnant woman but I'm not - I don't get it???? That is the most painful part of this for me and I can't look at myself in the mirror because it makes me so sad.

    Like you Jodie I think having the op will help me come to terms with the shock of what has happened to us and I know that I will have some good days and bad days after this but it won't last forever.

    I think it is important to find something that you can hold on to to provide some comfort. I sing in a gospel choir and I always sang to the baby and I have found that singing still calms me down now, so that is what I will continue to do.

    This is something that feels like the worst thing that could happen to us as women but you know we will get through these hard times and it does help to talk to people who have been throug similar experiences. So don't think you are alone or people won't understand because on this forum we certainly do!

    I will check back woth you guys in a couple of days when I am feeling a bit better. I'm going now to pack my bag :\(

    take care

    Kathy
  • Hi Kathy

    Good luck for today, i know how difficult it is going to be for you, will be thinking about you today.

    Big hugs x
    Jodie
  • Hi Kathy,
    I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope today goes OK for you........thinking of you.
    Pleaee come on here for support. Big hugs
    Kelly xx
  • Hello ladies,

    I had the ERCP on Wednesday and it has been an emotional rollercoaster since then. I am still in shock because on Monday I was a proud mum to be expecting to see her baby and now have have had to deal with the fact that my baby died, I had been carrying for nearly 3 months with no clue anything was wrong and then to have him/her taken from me so quickly.

    I tried to explain to my hubby yesterday that this feels like a race, I am at the start line and i know I will reach the finish line but I don't know how long it will take me to get over the hurdles.

    How I will get through this week because sometimes I feel as though I can cope but then I feel this overwhelming sadness that reduces me to uncontrollable tears. My Dr signed me off for a week from yesterday to give me time to recover, I am in a lot of pain today. For anyone else who has had a ERCP how long did it take to recover? When does the bleeding stop?

    I had a weird dream this morning where my body parts were in the wrong place?? That just sums up how confused I am.

    How does this happen that on Monday morning I was so happy and now on Friday I am in pieces???
  • Hi Kathy really sorry to read your posts, we had a MMC and it brings it all back..I opted for the ERPC too as I couldnt go on feeling pregnant when I knew that there was no chance for our little bean, that was 2 months ago and I still have bad days, but the bad days seem to be coming less and less, and we are now trying to focus on the future, we wil never forget who we have lost. It takes time to heal, so try to take some time for you and your partner, sending you lots of love at this difficul time Love Luc xxx
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