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ERPC Tuesday

Hi ladies, I've been lurking for a week or so with suscpisions I would need to join here eventually, my name is Suz and I found out I was pregnant about 4 weeks ago.

My story was never straight forward, I was really monitoring my fertility and not expecting PG so soon, I had a period 11 days PO and thought 'fair enough', however my temp didn't come down and I did a test really expecting a negative, but it wasn't, so I was sort of shocked but happy. Things seemed ok for about 2 weeks, I explained what had happened to the Practice nurse and had a HCG blood test and the result was 2785 about 21 days PO, so a positive sign, anyway that's when things started to go wrong, I had a small bright bleed and a further HCG test 6 days after the first which only went up to 4258, so it hadn't even doubled in 6 days (meant to double every 2-3 days). I was advised to go to A&E as the EPU c oouldn't scan me for 6 days (due to bank holiday) and I was worried about ectopic or just waiting the whole weekend to start bleeding. A+E didn't do anything different but examined me and reassured me it was unlikely to be ectopic. Anyway a scan at the EPU a few days later took me and OH by surprise as they were really postive as they found bean and heart beat, (they dismissed the HCG levels), it was small so they wanted to scan me a week later. This was last Tuesday and we were saddended, but not wholly shocked to be told that was no growth and no heart beat.

So I reluctantly chose to have an ERPC and the hospital staff were all fantasitc and I cannot praise them enough for the compassion and professionalism they showed. I was terrifeid of having an anesthetic but couldn't face the other options for ending the pregnancy. things had been uncertain for the 4 weeks that I'd known I was pregnant and I just found relief that at last we had an answer, althought it wasn't the one I would have prefered, I just wanted this ending so that we could move on and start a recovery.

I'm fine in myself really, sort of relieved it's over. I'm sad to leave the ladies in due in dec forum as they are a fantastic supportive bunch. I'm not religous at all, but I'm a great believer in fate, what's meant to be is meant to be and nature is far wiser in controlling things than we are. There was obviously something so wrong with the bean that it couldn't had devloped properly.

I will be so anxious if/when I next get pregnant and don't know how I will cope with the uncertainty of it all yet. I think once I've given my body a month or so to get back to normal, we will continue to try again.
It's strange but only 2 of my close friends knew we were TTC and now my partners family and my work all know what has happened, so there's so added pressure now I feel.

Hey ho, I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you my story. I wish you all the best and if I can help anyone with my experiences I'd be happy to.

xx

Replies

  • hi starry..im sorry to hear about whats happened to you...i feel exactly the same about feeling anxious etc if/when i get pregnant again..its difficult because you dont tell people you are trying and then this happens and you need some support..its great that you can write it down and im sure these lovley ladies on here (including me)will listen if you ever need to chat..all the best x
  • hope you feel better soon .know what you going through so i m sending leads pma.you will have good days and bad days i went from busy busy yest to very down ,just take care and give yourself some time to mentally prepare.the body gets over it quick enough but the poor head is always thinking at a million miles an hourxxxxxwe here to talk anywayxxxxx
  • Hi starry. Yeah i made the mistake of telling everyone at 8 weeks to find out at 10 weeks the baby had died. i am not a very good liar and we were going through the adoption process after being unable to conceive for 8 years. When everyone asked how the adoption process was going, i ended up telling them i was pregnant! And because we were so delighted, we wanted the world to know. Now we have neither the adoption (we stopped it when we found out i was pregnant) or the pregnancy. I know exactly all the thoughts and concerns that your having about conceiving as we are having the same. Keeping fingers crossed for us all xxx
  • Hi hun, so sorry you are here.

    I had an ERPC, and fell again 2 months after. It's hard thinking it could all go wrong again, but reality is I have no control over it. Roll on 12 week scan!

    Give yourself as much time as you need. A bit of TLC. You'll know when you are ready to try again. Take care. Hugs. xx
  • Just wanted to send a hug and say i am so sorry for your loss! And you are not alone in feeling the way you do i think if i get pregnant again i shall not just have to cope with my hormones but also my fear of what if's!
    Hope that you are able to get some rest and that your body starts to recover soon! Sending another hug and take care,

    Love Rena x x
  • Hi,
    I am sorry for your loss. I am glad you are feeling more settled. It is such a roller coaster of emotions and waiting in limbo adds to the stress. I remember saying to the nurse before my first erpc, 'I just want to get off this rollercoaster ride now!'
    I hope you can start to feel better emotionally as well as physicallly and look to the future.
    Sadly I think we are all tainted by what we have been through when we get our BFP again. But you will find the strength to deal with it at the time. And the ladies in the forums will be here to support you.I hope you get your sticky BFP soon.
    Lilou x
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