Troubles after miscarriage

Em1978 · Nov 29, 2007 4:54PM

Hi, I'm new to the site and desperate for some support.

I miscarried twins last month (missed miscarriage) and had a D&C on 23rd Oct. It has been such a difficult time for me, both physically and emotionally. The pregnancy news came after my Husband and I had been trying for a while - my periods had been irregular for about one year after finding out my Dad had progressed Cancer. Obviously we were delighted when we found out we were pregnant, excited too that we could share the news with the family. But now, recent news of how my Dad is doing tells me that because we have now lost these babies, he may not be with us long enough to ever see any of our babies in the future. I am so upset about this and can't stop crying about everything really...the fact that we have had a loss, that Dad is poorly etc and the latest news that my sister is Pregnant has really destroyed me. Although I am delighted for her news, I am so upset for me and my Husband. I think I have done an awful thing by telling her I need some space and have asked her not to get in touch for a while whilst I get my head sorted. The Doctor has prescribed me sleeping tablets and anti-depressents to help but this has nerved me too as I am desperate to get preganbt again and worried that the tablets will either affect our chances or harm any future pregnancies.

I am so confused and messed up. Can't ever remember feeling this way and can't see a way out at the moment. It's just too much.

I wonder if anyone has felt this way or has had a similar experience?

Thanks, Em x

HelenNic · Nov 27, 2007 3:25PM

Hi Em
I'm so sorry your having a difficult time.
I had a MMC in july, also with twins. I had a scan at 11wks as I'd had some brown spotting, there were 2sacs but they only measured 8wks. A week later I had a d&c.

I found it very hard to cope with, didn't want to leave the house for the 1st few wks & when I did I had an anxciety attack. I still find it hard at times, it just got easier to deal with as the mts went by.

I cant imagine having to cope with a MC & your Dad being so ill. The only thing I can say helped me was talking about it & how I felt. Talking to everyone on here was a great help, you can be more honest about how you really feel. I often didn't want people to know when I was upset so I would come on here.

I'm here if you need to talk, I hope your Dad is OK.
Take Care
Helen x x

Em1978 · Nov 27, 2007 4:45PM

Hi Helen

Thanks for your kind words. I think this site is a really good idea. It's great that people can give each other encouragement and hope. When something awful happens it's easy to think that you are the only one, but as I have discovered, I'm not and there is something reassuring in the fact that someone else understands what I'm going through.

I have become so obsessed about my OV dates and my pending period as I am desperate to get pregnant again. I even used OV sticks to see if I was ovulating as I convinced myself after the MMC that I would never be able to have children again. As it happens, I did detect an LH surge the weekend before last and waiting to see now if my period arrives or not this week. Was probably a bit naughty as never waited for a natural period. From what I have read on this site, some women have become PG straight away and some haven't. Just have to watch this space.

Sorry too to hear or your loss back in July. I hope that you are feeling at least a little bit stronger now. I have really cut myself off from family and friends for the time-being. It just seems that there are babies everywhere at the moment. Did you feel like that?

Love Em xxx

LouMichelle · Nov 27, 2007 5:22PM

When I had my mmc 2 years ago, 3 of my friends were pregnant and due about the same time as I would've been and I couldn't handle seeing them and pretty much cut myself off from them, it wasn't intentional but it hurt so much, especially when 2 had the cheek to smoke infront of me! Sorry to hear about your dad, your obviously having a really tough time at the moment. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to get pregnant straight away, you are probably still grieving for your babies and it does take time.
Take care, thinking of you.xxxx

sillymoo · Nov 27, 2007 6:08PM

So sorry to hear about your loss and you dad. You have so much to cope with at the moment don't try to deal with it all on your own, even if all you do is chat on here it will help.
I had a mmc last year i found out at 13 weeks after having a tiny spot of blood, i had just told everyone i was pregnant and my cousin was due at the same sort of time, i found it really hard seeing her and when i did i couldn't look at her bump because i felt so mixed up, angry, jealous, i also worried that it meant i wouldn't get pregnant again but i have gone on to have a little girl earlier this year. so please don't give up hope and keep talking about it.
i also tried straight away but didn't fall for a few months, it is hard and i still think about my baby alot but it does ease as time goes on.

Em1978 · Nov 28, 2007 7:38AM

Hi LouMichelle and Sillymoo. Sorry to hear that you have had some difficult times to cope with too. It's nice to hear that you have gone on to have a healthy baby Silly moo.

I have just returned from popping out to the bank and I had to stop myself popping into the Chemist to get a PG test. Really don't think I am PG but just felt like I wanted it at home to check at the weekend if my period doesn't arrive. Why am I doing this to myself? My periods have been irregular for the last year so if it doesn't arrive on estimated (complete guess more like) time it will probably be because of that. It is all I can think about at the moment. Know how gutted I'm going to be though if it doesn't happen. Feel so up and down.

Has anyone else felt so desperate to concieve again, regardless of your emotional state?

xxx

camlo · Nov 28, 2007 2:35PM

Hi- I am finding it really hard so working like a fool and taking on extra jobs just to stop me thinking about it. We talked about having another baby and agreed it would be lovely but is not essential to our relationship but all the time I was thinking YEAH RIGHT. I feel I am letting people down by not getting preg and managing to hold on to it. It was like this when I tried before with my ex and after our IVF failed I actually ended my marriage because I felt so useless as a wife.
Really trying not to obsess about ov sticks and CM but already poas x2 'in case'.
xx

HelenNic · Nov 28, 2007 4:07PM

Hi Em
Hope your feeling ok.
The 1st 2mths after my MMC I was obsessed with getting preg again & was so upset when AF arrived. I guess I felt being preg again would help me feel better. As the mths have gone on I no longer feel as desperate as I did that 1st mth. I am still obsessed about getting preg, I take my temp, I use fertilityfriend.com to track my cycles, I'v just bought OV sticks for this mth. Sometimes I think maybe its not good for me to do all those things. I'v said if I dont get preg the mth then I'm going to stop doing all those things for a while.

I'v just been to see my friends new born which went better than I thought. Its the 1st baby I'v seen since my MMC so I wasn't sure how it would make me feel.

Take Care
Helen x x

LouMichelle · Nov 28, 2007 6:21PM

When I had the first mc 2 years ago I wanted to try again straight away but I couldn't as I had a dermoid cyst on my ovary the size of a plum so I had an 8 month wait until my op, then I fell again 3 months later whilst on the pill, but I lost that too, but I hadn't even had the all clear from the hospital thats why I was on the pill.
My dad had a health scare in feb/march this year and even though we were trying nothing happened but when he got the all clear in April, I relaxed, booked a holiday, joined weight watchers and guess what,6th May I found out I was pregnant and am now 34wks.
Its been a tough couple of years but I've finally got through it.xxx

Em1978 · Nov 29, 2007 9:37AM

Hi girls. Helen - know exactly what you mean about doing everything possible within your own control to help make a PG happen. I'm sure given time as you say, I will mellow about this. Don't think it's an option anyway as am having terrible period pains today even though no period in sight yet or expected until weekend at least! Will be the first one though since the D&C and was warned it may be more uncomfortable than usual. Was this the case for anyone else? I'm pleased you say that seeing the baby went better than you thought. I have been avoiding my PG sister and other family members with babies. I'm sure my time will come to see them too, but it's just not yet. Crying in front of them would just make me feel worse.

LouMichelle - I'm delighted that things have worked out for you and also that your Dad got the all clear. I'm sure the fact that you relaxed about his scare and with the life changes you made, helped you to conceive. This is what worries me so much. The fact that I can't relax about my Dad getting better because we've been told that he won't. But yet I'm so desperate to get PG so he can meet our first baby. Feel so down and fed up. Struggling to see a way out of this.
Em xxx

LouMichelle · Nov 29, 2007 4:02PM

It may take time but you will get through it, its all just part of the grieving process. Some people bounce back straight away, others it takes months or longer. I found that anti depressants and sleeping tablets didn't work for me, my doctor gave me the number for an all female counciling clinic in my area. Whatever you do don't put too much pressure on yourself to get pregnant, I've been there done that and it doesn't work. I know it'll be hard but try to concentrate on something else, I started booking my wedding for instance and again that was at the time I fell as I was putting all my efforts into the wedding, rather than stressing about getting pregnant.x

Em1978 · Nov 29, 2007 4:54PM

Sadly the witch has shown herself

Obviously not meant to be. I have decided to decorate the house - in the process of choosing the colour schemes!
Hope you've had a good day today.
Em xxx

Troubles after miscarriage

Replies

Featured Discussions

Promoted Content