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FAO MummaJ
I just wanted to say I will be thinking of you Wednesday, and although we are are all different, upon reflection I am so glad that I had the ERPC yesterday as today feels sad yes, empty yes, but at some point whether it happens naturally or not it will most probably feel like that. Personally I didn't want to see anything resembling my baby and didn't want to put myself through the torture of waiting for it to happen and all that beeding, however each to their own and it felt right for me to do that at that time.
Today its done, yes a bit of tummy pain but nothing like my normal period pain and I feel spaced out, not from drugs or anything but just shock and numbness, which from reading on here is quite normal. I am very frightened of needles and surgical proceedures and am lucky enough not to have had anything wrong with me before, so yesterday felt like one day had made up for all of my life. But saying that I felt relieved through, just knowing one way or the other and being able to move on and deal with it. You see I had this feeling things weren't right, started last wed but over the weekend I was pretty sure it had all gone wrong, intuition I dunno, but it was the same after I fell pregnant, I just knew instantly.
I cannot get out of my head the image of being in that dimmed room yesterday whilst being scanned and that poor woman telling me that it was all over, though even though I cried I had already known in my heart but I wanted it so bad I was trying to believe it wouldn't be true.
Can't believe I still had the symptons for so long after and part of me feels like a muppet for not knowing any earlier that something was wrong. Bodies are a funny/amazing thing and at the end of the day, they are only doing their job and keeping us alive and safe, something was wrong this time round but hey fingers crossed next time will be just fine.
I know your story from reading in TTC, and I am sure once you feel better and ready there is no reason why you won't be able to get pg again, you will get you turn in time my lovely I know you will.
Best wishes to you and your partner. xxxx
Today its done, yes a bit of tummy pain but nothing like my normal period pain and I feel spaced out, not from drugs or anything but just shock and numbness, which from reading on here is quite normal. I am very frightened of needles and surgical proceedures and am lucky enough not to have had anything wrong with me before, so yesterday felt like one day had made up for all of my life. But saying that I felt relieved through, just knowing one way or the other and being able to move on and deal with it. You see I had this feeling things weren't right, started last wed but over the weekend I was pretty sure it had all gone wrong, intuition I dunno, but it was the same after I fell pregnant, I just knew instantly.
I cannot get out of my head the image of being in that dimmed room yesterday whilst being scanned and that poor woman telling me that it was all over, though even though I cried I had already known in my heart but I wanted it so bad I was trying to believe it wouldn't be true.
Can't believe I still had the symptons for so long after and part of me feels like a muppet for not knowing any earlier that something was wrong. Bodies are a funny/amazing thing and at the end of the day, they are only doing their job and keeping us alive and safe, something was wrong this time round but hey fingers crossed next time will be just fine.
I know your story from reading in TTC, and I am sure once you feel better and ready there is no reason why you won't be able to get pg again, you will get you turn in time my lovely I know you will.
Best wishes to you and your partner. xxxx
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Replies
I too knew something wasn't right but i think i've felt uneasy the whole time i've been PG. Was worried that i didn't really have any symptoms other than tender breasts (which upsettingly are still tender, like a horrible reminder) and i kept asking my partner if she thought everything was Ok to the point she got anoyed with me being so negative. I too 'knew' i was PG so i guess we must be intuitive people. It was my unease that prompted me to ask my colleague to scan me-but i thought it would allay my fears-i was wrong. And i just keep thinking how awful she must have felt-she was so lovely and kind. She said afterwards that whenever she scans (which is on pretty much a daily basis) she always says a little prayer first-obviously the one she said for my baby was not answered.
I'm glad your ERPC went as well as can be expected. I feel just like you about not being able to go through it naturally if i have the choice-i keep praying i wont start to bleed before tomorrow but i guess my body hasn't done it for over 4weeks so hopefully won't do it now. Can't face the physical pain as well as the mental torture. The only thing i'm worried about is waking up with the feeling of finality-that's it, all over, no baby. But i guess that will happen whichever way you lose your baby.
I'm scared for the future as worried i wont get PG again, felt so lucky as despite having all the odds stacked against us with doing DIY AI I still conceive on the 2nd cycle-too good to be true huh?!
I feel stupid too-i don't know why, maybe for not being capable of keeping this baby alive, which i know is irrational but i just can't face seeing anybody at the moment. Today i'm still in my PJ's and have no plans to change out of them. Sorry if i sound really sorry for myself, I'm very sorry for you too and all the others who have sadly had to experience this.
Please keep me posted with how your journey is going. My little Bean can hopefully soon join yours, and all the other unfortunate ones and they can keep eachother company!!
xXx
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xXx
I don't feel like seeing anybody at all today however my mum is coming over in a bit, she had many many MC's when she was trying to start a family and had even worse things than that happen to her still So she is kind of an inspiration really as she has the three of us, my brother sister and me so it goes to show that it can and it will happen.
Like you I fell pg very quickly which I didn't think was going to happen and was really surprised, funny really I kind of had the feeling that it was all going too well, especially with no morning sickness etc, but I know it it just the begining of this baby-making adventure and we WILL all go on to conceive again. Don't even worry too much about that right now, just wait till you are mentally and physically ready. Take some time for yourself.
I really felt for my scan lady and I wish I'd have pre-warned her in way that I had a feeling it would be bad news, nevermind they were all really kind, was very hard walking past the waiting room full of big bumps waiting to find out if they are having girls or boys.
Don't be too worried about the finality of feeling there is no baby, I feel like that today but am just kind of thinking why - but there is no answer to that, it is something we will overcome in time together.
I too am still in bed and in the comfy clothes OH brought to the hospital for me to leave in and I still have my plastic tags on my wrist and cotton pads and tape from the horrific needle stabbing going on on my hands! So still feeling sorry for myself but don't care today, I'll allow it lol
Although when I start to whiff I might have to embrace the shower!
Re: The Dottie cat, she is called Tilly and is the most sweet natured cat and hasn't left my side today -do you think they sense things? lol
Big Hugs MummaJ, I'm right here with you xxx
Ive been taking a break, af is two weeks late but im not pg so have stayed away from ttc, so we are unofficially trying, no charting etc id become too obssessd and it wasnt healthy.
Anyway on a lighter note i will try and upload a picture of my cat (dh has the camera at work at the mo) he somehow got covered in oil and he is a long haired persian neway went to vets and they shaved all his body fur off right down to the skin but left his tail and head so now he looks like one of those bald dogs, my neighbours keep laughing at him.
take care of yourself
xxDBxx
Thank you for kind message! Re: your poor cat, that does sounds (unfortunately for him/her) quite amusing lol!!
Lou xxx
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