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Bittersweet

I decided after my last mc to still use the ov sticks the next few months even though we won't be TTC again until we get the recurrent mc test results back in 3 months. I thought any extra info I can take with me to the consultant is worthwhile and I don't really know what my cycle is up to now as I've only had one normal, full cycle since last April.

Anyway, I started using them a few days ago and today I got the LH surge. It feels so bittersweet - I am glad it seems that my body is getting back to normal but at the same time it's another reminder that I'm not pregnant and that I've lost another little baby :cry:

And I know it's silly (and I AM grateful that my body seems to be getting back to normal quickly - esp so we can have the day 2 bloods) but I feel guilty, like my body has forgotten about my baby already. That probably sounds so silly and I know it's nature etc but it was only 2 weeks ago yesterday that I mc'ed.

I feel I should be greatful to my body for getting back to normal but at the same time I feel so angry with it for not being able to hold on to my 3 babies :\(

Sorry, just feeling a bit low.

~ NN xx

Replies

  • Oh Nattynik,
    It is really poingnant! Sending you hugs! Hope you get your answers soon. I found the milestones really tough, checking a pregnancy test to ensure my body recognised things had moved on,first AF, scan dates, etc. It is really hard.
    Don't feel guilty, you have been through so much in the last 6 months. It is understandable to be all over the place. Hormones don't help either!
    Take care,
    Lilou x
  • OMG, honey, i havent been on for ages, can't belive i missed your 3rd mc, you poor thing, i was reading your post thinking you were talking about the 2nd time, and then i read on, im so sorry for what your going thou'. i really hope your tests give you some answers. You have been thou' hell. I know its horrible for anybody to go throu' but some people seem to bounce back easier, but you are so desperate for a baby its really taken its toll on you hasnt it.

    Life just doesnt seem fair. I really hope you are staying strong and being well supported again...

    i'll log on more often from now on, im here if you want to chat,

    Gemma x
  • Lilou - thank you so much for your reply and understanding. I've been feeling so low and this little things just seem to get to me right now - and you're right, evil hormones don't help!! Hope you're ok xxx

    Gem - so good to see you back again. Thank you so much for your kind words. After the first mc I felt so low but then seemed to pick up quite quickly thinking it was probably bad luck and we could try again. The 2nd mc was so quick and over before it had really started so we decided to try again straight away and that seemed to keep me going and give me hope. This time it just feels different - like now I know it's probably more than bad luck and this next chapter of our lives of tests and waiting and perhaps never knowing the answers and not knowing how many more times we'll have to go through this really scares me. And I feel so worn out physically and emotionally right now. But we're taking a break from TTC while waiting for the results so I'm going to concentrate on getting strong again. Anyway, sorry for going on....how are you doing? Take care, love NN xxx
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