Forum home Pregnancy Miscarriage & pregnancy loss

My Fault?

Hi,
I went for my first scan (3 month) last Monday to find the sack was empty? had to go back in the next day to have it all removed..I am heartbroken it took us two years to get to this stage and no one can explain why it happened I had a healthy pregnany no bleed etc...want to try again as soon as we can but they say wait at least two months! I feel that in some way its my fault I also lost my Dad earlier this year and dont seem to be allowed any happeness.
Sorry just had to get that off my chest..I do know I am not the only one and my heart goes out to everyone else.

Replies

  • Hi hun
    So sorry to hear your sad news. I too had the same experience 2 years ago.. 10 week scan and empty sac.. was gutted as I also had no miscarriage symptoms, and had never heard of this happening. Since then i have learnt it is common. Not that it makes it easier.
    All I can say is dont give up hope, and please do not blame yourself at all!!! These things happen for a reason, usually its because there was something not right with the baby and it just stopped growing... nothing you could have done to stop it hun.
    I am now pregnant again, and was petrified it would happen again, but at 10 weeks everything was fine. i still worry now at 12 weeks, but have to stay positive.
    1 day you will fall pregnant again hun, and go on to have a healthy baby.. keep positive, and your day will come hun.
    They also say you are most fertile for about 2 months after a mc, so if you feel ready to try again, then next few weeks will be the best time hun.
    Take care and try and stay strong.. there are happy endings to lots of us mc sufferers!
    caz xx
  • Thanks for the reply.
    The hospital said not to try for two months (after two periods) so that you recover emotionally and physically - is this right? We are ready to try again as soon as I feel better and I would probably wait until my first period...what do u think?
  • The hospital tell you to wait for 1st period, so if you get pg quick its easier to date the next pregnancy... thats usually why. But some women dont get a period for ages after they m/c, so get frustrated. I would say its up to you hun, honest. Ive heard a lot of people on here fall within the 1st month of having m/c, and they just have an early scan to check dates etc... just when your ready hun.. hope this helps.
    caz xx
  • Thanks for that, it has made me feel a bit better
    TC
    H
  • Hi Helen
    Sorry to hear about what happened, you will get plenty of support from ppl here, many have experienced similar things and can help.

    I had a mmc in June, I thought I was 12 wks but when we went for the scan the baby had stopeed growing in the 7th week. I had an early scan at 7weeks and saw the heartbeat so was not expecting bad news at the 12th wk scan. To make it worse it was the 1st anniversary of my dad's funeral.
    I can totally understand how you are feeling right now as that's what I was experienceing a few months ago.

    We decided to wait for 2 periods and then start trying, so far we have had negatives! When you feel up to it, then you try. The way I measured it, as long I felt strong enough to face failure once again - this is an awful way to guage it but I think it hit me so badly because I was not prepared.

    I am finding this ttc very emotional and I think a lot of it is to do with bitterness over losing my dad and a year later losing a baby. Out of a friendship group of 10 who are/ were pregnant, I was the only one to lose a parent and a child - everyone still has their parents and their babies and this I have found very difficult to accept....the whole why me questionning!

    Anyway, take things day by day.
    Lots of love
    Sian XX
  • Thank you all for sharing your hearts with me, I know Im not the only one, Im also not the best person to wait around for things to happen but will have to learn to be patient and maybe if I keep busy with work the time will pass by.
    Thanks again
  • I've just replied to your other post.... but please please don't ever think that its your fault.. its not. Sometimes babies aren't strong enough to make it and its noones fault.. blaming yourself won't help.... trust me I know this.. I've been there.

    We were told after we lost our little one to wait for at least one period before trying again - but as someone else said its only so that it makes dating easier. Personally I think you should try again as soon as you are ready. We left trying for 5 months but that was partly to make sure I wasn't 8/9 months pregnant on our wedding day - although if we hadn't had the wedding coming up we would have left it a couple of months. When you are ready then try again. Personally, I found it really comforting to know that I was pregnant again as my original due date approached.

    Keeping busy is good, but don't forget to both take time out to grieve in whatever way works best for you - sharing our grief and supporting each other was what got hubby and I through our loss
  • Hi Helen
    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    I had a mmc 10wks ago, I had a very small bit of brown spotting so they sent me for a scan, I was 11wks. They found 2 sacs measuring 8wks but no babies. I'd never heard of this type of mc before but found lots of useful information about it on the net.

    I was told we could try right away if we wanted but I decided to wait for 1st AF, I'll find out this week if I'm preg again.
    The nurse told me it had nothing to do with anything I'd done, something just wasn't right, they think my babies only grew for a few week.

    Take Care
    Love Helen x x x
  • Thanks Kia for your comments.
    Helen, I do hope you have good news this week. I have spoken to my OH and he says to try whenever I feel ready he is so supportive, I said that i would like to after I have had a period.
    I am slightly concerned as I dont seem to be bleeding a lot after my surgery...anyone else had this?
  • Hi Helen
    I only had light bleeding for a couple of days then had brown spotting for a week, my AF arrived 31dys after d&c.
    I wanted to try right away I feel it will help me cope better, also my best friend is 13wks preg she started trying the mth after me. We thought it would be great to be preg together.
    Hopefully I wont be too far behind her.

    Take care, it will take time just make sure you cry when you want to & I found talking about it helped.
    Love Helen x x
  • Thanks Helen for all your comments, good luck my thoughts and hopes are with you.
    H
  • Hi Helen we lost our baby in July she was 20 weeks we were told to wait for 2 periods too we waited for 1 but my period started this week so upsetting when all you want is to have a baby but it will happen and please don't blame yourself i know its hard not to thnk that way but it is true. good luck in whatever you decide to do x
  • thanks aa x
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