Completely Devastated

Blue_Gecko · Jul 31, 2009 3:10PM

Hi All,

Hubby and I found out yesterday we'd had a MMC, was supposed to 11+2 but found out that Baby Allen died nearly 3 weeks ago, absolutely devasted. We were so close to 12 weeks, or so we thought. Just can't get my head around it! Booked into the hospital tomorrow to have the pessary, don't know what to excpect.

Mrs A x

KTDaisy · Jul 21, 2009 11:32AM

Hi Mrs Allen
Wanted to say so sorry about your recent loss, its so hard to get your head round especailly in the early days - I hope this forum helps a little as everyone can appreciate how you feel
Take time for yourself and dh and I hope tomorrow is over quickly
(sory can;t advise re this as had ectopic)
Daisyx

Lauz_41 · Jul 21, 2009 12:03PM

Hey,

sorry to see you over here...i replied on your other post. I had the medical management so if you scroll through my topics you can see how i found this....everyone is different i know but i had no idea what to expect and it may help knowing but maybe not....

thinking of you,

Lx

mithical · Jul 21, 2009 12:10PM

I'm so sorry hun. I had mmc at 9 weeks, found out at 12 week scan.

I can't help you with the pessary as I had ERPC. But I think it starts cramps to help you naturally expel the baby. I'm not sure how uncomfortable it gets or anything.

Hope it is over quickly for you, so you can grieve properly. xx

clarehair · Jul 21, 2009 12:33PM

will be thinking of you tomorrow mrs allen.

its a horrible time,but we are all here for you,we have all been through the same thing,i had MMC at 10 weeks,baby had died at 6 weeeks,but i was still having symptoms,i had an erpc and physically i got over it pretty quick,but mentally it will always be there.

hugs

Clare xxx

Blue_Gecko · Jul 21, 2009 12:48PM

Thank you for your kind messages ladies, life is so cruel at times! x

LottieNH · Jul 22, 2009 4:32AM

Mrs Allen I am so very sorry to read this, its an awful thing to go through for both of you. We found out at our 12 week scan that our baby had died at around 8 weeks,

I had an ERPC so I don't know much about the pessary but they will be very kind at the hospital and physically it should all be over fairly soon.

Take time for you and oh, its really hard at first but it does get better and we are all here to listen and answer ANY questions you have got.
xxx

littleminx · Jul 22, 2009 3:36PM

oh Mrs Allen, so so sorry to read your post, it is so hard to go through, I was over in the Feb forum with you and found out that we had the MMC, we opted for the ERPC so I dont know much about the pessary either, but hope it went ok at the hospital, thinking of you hun, the girls on here have been a great support and provided more info for me then the hospital, sending you lots of hugs Luc xxx

Blue_Gecko · Jul 22, 2009 4:02PM

Thank you littleminx, I have to go back to the hospital on Friday for the pessary to be inserted. It's the most awful situation!

We decided to name our little angel Grace, we both believed our baby was a girl and it is helping as our LO has an identity now.

How are you coping? Hug to you xxx

http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs146.snc1/5411_144549060464_585075464_3523288_2125782_n.jpg

[Modified by: Mrs Allen on July 22, 2009 09:05 PM]

clarehair · Jul 23, 2009 8:31AM

oh mrs allen.

grace is a lovely name,absolutly beautiful!
we were convinced we were having a girl too,as my symptoms were so differant from my PG with my son.
i remeber seeing the screen when we had the scan,i wish i had asked for a picture.

xxxxx

Blue_Gecko · Jul 23, 2009 12:05PM

We didn't actually get the pucture at the time, we were offered it when we went in for part one of the medical management, shame she's not alive in the picture.

Grace will be taken to the Funeral Directors tomorrow after the second part of the process and they will look after her there until her cremation day. We will be going with her to the crematorium and there will be a little service for her. We will be able to collect her ashes a few days later. They will be putting a little plaque on the ashes box with her name on it. We both feel a little better after today, this process is helping us say good bye to her x

littleminx · Jul 23, 2009 2:40PM

Grace is a lovely name and sounds as though the hospital are taking good care of you. our experience was quite a bit different, but we are doing ok, It is easier some days then others still having our ups and downs, and its the silly things that make you sad, but I know your OH is supportive and the girls on here have all been amazing and offered lots of advice and support, and in the ttc after miscarriage forum. I wish I could just give you a big hug, I found talking about it has really helped, and I did go back to work quite soon after more then anything to keep busy, hope it goes ok tomorrow, will be thinking of you love Luc xxx

Blue_Gecko · Jul 23, 2009 3:17PM

Thank you littleminx. I know it's going to take time and I'm not expecting things to be easy. Maybe we could support each other through our journeys of TTC etc? Would be nice to share things with you. I don't know about you but I'm so scared!!!

Love Mrs A x

clarehair · Jul 24, 2009 4:00AM

i think its a lovely thing to have a service for grace ,i didnt know you could do this.....we were given 2 very old fashioned planters from hubbys nan,just after she died,she was buried the day i found out our baby had died,we still wnet to the funeral,we used the planter to plant lovely daisy bushes in,there is one either side of our back doors,so one for bean and one for nan,that gives me pleasure as i tend to them and i can look after them.
i will be takinga week off in october,bean was due oct 16th,i want to go for a lovely meal and release a balloon on the south downs for beans birthday..i havent discussed this with hubby yet,but i really want to do this.

i also think alot that maybe i should have asked to have a look at bean when they did the ERPC but think that the drs may have thought i was mad,i wasnt offered to look or any form or reminder or memorial from the hospital,i was just given the number for SANDS and a couple of weeks later a letter came through for counselling,which i never had.

thinking of you today Mrs Allen

huge hugs xxx Clare

i hope today goes aswell as it can for you

littleminx · Jul 25, 2009 4:27AM

Hi Mrs A just wanted to log on to see how you were doing today, and how it went yesterday. I know what you mean about feeling scared, I certainly do like Im sure a number of the other girls do on here, I get scared of the thought of it happening again as it would be the 3rd loss for me, though sadly my doc wont do any testing till its happened 3 times, so Im praying my 3rd bean will be a sticky 1, is that what you feel scared of? what helped me to deal with it was to think about TTC again, but that was more to focus on the future, and everyone deals with loss in different ways, its not that I forget what we have lost, but being a mum is something that I have wanted since I was tiny, I just havent been in the position for it to happen till now, you never expect it to happen to you, naive I know. but there are some girls on here who have some really positive stories and great advise and that has really helped me keep strong and not loose it. anway Im rambling on! but if you want to chat you are more then welcome to message me if you just need someone to listen, hope you're doing ok love Luc xxx

Blue_Gecko · Jul 25, 2009 1:50PM

Well... again I don't know where to start. We were admitted yesterday for the second part of the medical management. After a hours wait in the waiting room we were shown to our room on the ward. After another 3 hours the gynae doctor came and inserted the pessary's. Minutes after that there was a massive storm, seemed kind of appropriate given our circumstances. Me and Hubby just hugged each other while we watched the lightning.

We waited a few hours and nothing happened, just passed a few clots and by 5:30pm we were moved onto the gynae ward as the day ward was closing. The consultants came down to see us and told us it looked like the procedure was going to fail and gave us the choice to either wait for nature, wait a few days and repaet the medical management or to go to theatre in the morning which they strongly recommended.

Hubby spent the night with me and nothing further happened so we had the operation at 11am this morning. I lost quite a lot of blood in theatre but I'm home and resting now. It's been pretty traumatic. They wanted to do some tests on Grace but we decided not to. She was so tiny and we felt it was wrong. We just want to lay her to rest now.

Thanks for listening

Love Mrs A x

littleminx · Jul 25, 2009 3:00PM

Mrs A, I really dont know what to say except Im really sorry that the medical management didnt work, and that you have had to go through surgery too. sending you hugs, rest up and make sure you take good care of yourself Love Luc xxx

clarehair · Jul 26, 2009 4:03AM

Mrs A.

im sorry you had to go thro that for it not to work and to the have to have surgery,very traumatic for you.......grace is at peace now and i think you made the right decision to leave her this way.

as littleminx says,rest up and take care of yourself.

sending you a massive hug today xxxxxClare

Blue_Gecko · Jul 26, 2009 7:20AM

Thank you, the consultant has signed me off work for a week, just need to rest now. All my pregnancy symptoms are disappearing now and my little bump has gone just feels so final.

I miss Grace so much.

Love Mrs A x

littleminx · Jul 26, 2009 11:38AM

Mrs A

take the time that you need your work will still be there but your health is alot more important. Sounds like your hormones are returning to normal,I know it makes it seem more final, but hopefully that will make the dealing with it a little bit easier, I used to get tearful in the few days between finding out about the mmc and going into hospital because I felt so pregnant, it even got to the point that I asked for a scan before I went into surgery as I was finding it so hard to believe. And still was hoping that it was all a big mistake...sadly it wasnt.

so so sorry you are having to go through this as I know all the girls on here will empaphise with how you are feeling, please dont feel like you are going through it on your own, we are all here to listen love and hugs Luc xxx

lucystapleton · Jul 26, 2009 3:57PM

Mrs Allen, I truly am so sorry for your loss.
I remember you from the due in feb forum and when i saw the title of this post and your name beside it I couldn't help but cry out a little.

I'm not sure what else I can say to help you through this awful time but what has helped me is the ladies on this forum. I'm only 23- newly married, and felt totally alone when my mmc happened as none of my friends are at the same stage in life as I am. I had no one to talk to who understood what I was going through- i got the usual- it was for the best; there was something obviously wrong; you'll get pregnant again soon etc etc and these were words I didn't really want to hear.

I wanted to mourn the baby I had lost, the baby i had loved for the last ten weeks, the baby that my husband and i had created together out of love.

I think it's a good thing that you have got this week off to take care of yourself and get your head around this horrible situation. i have just been away for a week to portugal and i think it has done me the world of good- just needed to escape the day to day routine and have some me time.

if you want to talk let me know. and i hope we can continue on our ttc quest together

xxxx

Completely Devastated

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