Miscarriage & pregnancy loss
Mar 26, 2009 7:24PM
Miscarriage & pregnancy loss
I am anxious to know how you are doing sweetie pie, I know its horrible and when you are up to it, just drop a line to let me know you are ok, thinking of you. xxxx
Mar 26, 2009 12:54PM
Sorry to highjack your thread again Dottie but just logged on too see how mummaj was so thought id add to this thread hope thats ok.
Mummaj have been thinking of you and hope your bearing up, and your colleagues were supportive big hugs
Mar 26, 2009 2:22PM
Nice of you to be thinking of me, thanks.
Well ERPC yesterday and actually the procedure was really fine. Went in at 11am and they kindly put us in a sideroom to wait. I have to say though that the morning staff on the day surgery ward were farcical (*sp!*).
Firstly my partner used to work with one of the nurses, who recognised her. The nurse then proceded to go ahead and make some reference about me being her daughter! FFS she's only 4yrs older than me and i know i may have looked a little young in my tracksuit but come on!! So my partner was obviously insulted and pointed out that she was NOT my mother but my partner, at which point the nurse said "oh i thought you had children". My partner said that actually she did, in fact WE did and that we had a DD together. The nurse then looked very shocked and said "Oh, well how did that happen then?". OMG, what d'ya mean "how did that happen?" and who the f**k is she to ask. So my partner told her very bluntly that it was none of her business and that we wouldn't ask how she got PG. So she then went on to say "Oh come on i'm only interested, i only want to know the biology of that one"-I mean she's a nurse, if she doesn't know how babies are made then she really should consider a career change. So again my partner said she thought she ought to mind her own business and eventually she gave up asking. But i mean, how inconsiderate-she now knows we're partners, she knows i've had a MMC, but she's asking inappropriate and down right nosey personal Q's about having children. We were so furious and stunned.
Anyway i knew i was on the 'emergency' list, surgery to occur at about 2pm. They had told me not to eat or drink after 8am so to be very cautious i didn't eat or drink after 7am. So then the Anaesthetist came and asked a few Q's about medical history etc and also enquired about when i last ate and drank. So told her 7am and she looked very shocked/worried, checked the time on her watch and said oh i don't think we can do your surgery then. What?! I know from my work that they prefer a min of 6hrs without eating or drinking for a GA so what was her problem. I wouldn't be done till at least 2pm so that would be 7hrs. When i asked she looked a bit flustered and said she would have to check but that it "should" be fine. She then walked out. Obviously i checked with the nurses, who then double checked with the Dr's who said there was no problem at all, so i don't know what that was all about but it made me decide i was being looked after by a bunch of idiots.
Now i know i also mentioned that they had said they would get one of the Consultants that i work with to do the ERPC out of courtesy but when i asked the nursing staff who was doing it they said they didn't know but it would be the SPR on call. Well i was a little disappointed but at this point wanted it all over and done with.
So i'm sitting there in my gown and slippers with a blanket over me, looking like a real little old lady when this ray of sunshine in the form of my Consultant walks in and i've never been so pleased to see anyone. In fact the first words she said to us were that she was so "sorry", and do you know what, she was the only one that morning to say that to us, noone else did. In fact noone else even acknowledged the reason for my admission, i could have been there having my toe nail removed for all they gave a s**t. So things got better from that point.
She had organised a team of good, tactful and confidential people to be in theatre with me and suddenly i felt looked after. My OH came down to theatre with me where we were met by a lovely ODP (Anaes assistant) that we both know. She told my OH she could come down to the Anaes room and be with me if she wanted, which she did. And she let her stay until i was asleep-this is NEVER allowed and i'm soooo grateful. I had the ODP holding one hand and my OH holding the other. The ODP was so kind when they couldn't find a vein to cannulate me and they had to try numerous times (i'm now covered in bruises) and when i woke up in recovery she came to see me and gave me tissues, held my hand and said all the right things when i was crying. She was like an Angel, i'm so thankful.
When i got back to the ward, my OH was waiting with this big fluffy flower with a smiley face on (you're not alllowed real flowers on the wards now due to infection so that was her substitute-cheesy huh!) and thank God all the staff had changed over to the Late shift and they were so lovely.
I was in a bit of pain and bled quite heavily to start with but that soon stopped and i was home by 6pm.
I felt really numb yesterday and do so too today. Have only cried once or twice but have been spending some good quality time with OH as MIL is looking after DD until Fri-they've been so good.
We both feel immensly sad and final but can now at least look towards moving forward. Have decided, as corny as it may sound, to plant some daffodil bulbs in the garden as they are all in flower at this time of year. Then every year when they come up we can think of our little Perkins-RIP.
I feel much more philosophical today. i'm sorry Lou that you're having a bad day again, i guess it's gonna be all ups and downs for a while. I think you've been really strong so you're my inspiration, i can only hope to cope as well as you!
Sorry for such a long post!
Lots of love to both you and DB
Mar 26, 2009 2:47PM
I haven't been on for a while so missed your story earlier. I am so sorry for your loss and sorry you had the misfortune to be treated by some unproffesional staff.
I hope you can start to feel better soon. I have had 2 erpc and found the time afterwards different both times but did have the numbness. I think that is when the reality of it all really hit home. I hope you find the support on here of comfort over the next few weeks/months.
Take care of your self and best wishes to your OH too.
PS Sorry for high jacking the post!
Mar 26, 2009 3:04PM
Hi, im not sure if this is the right thing to say but im glad its now all over, i mean the medical bit so that you can now rest and try to recouperate, I know that it will be a long hard journey but ive always looked at it that at the moment your at the bottom of the hill so as hard as it will be the only way is up.
I think planting bulbs really helps, not sure if you were up to reading the oct 09 posts so sorry if im repeating but i planted a weeping willow when i m/c i didnt do it till many months after as hadnt thought about it but to have something concrete so to speak, was proof that she had existed and that she was loved and that she was/is part of our family.
Im reallly sorry the nurse was tactless, as you know i was worried that i was gonna be and that was under such different cirumstances, i must admit im in a state of shock she cld be so rude. Im glad you eventually got staff you knew and trusted.
Mar 26, 2009 4:55PM
Arh there you are, I was begining to get worried. I am glad that although it was pretty grim having to go in and that stupid, stupid insensitive woman was just so rude and asking inappropriate questions that were, yes none of her f*cking business (how you kept calm I don't know!) that you and OH could be kept together right until you went under. That must have been real relief and a comfort to you both.
Mar 26, 2009 4:55PM
Arh there you are, I was beginning to get worried. I am glad that although it was pretty grim having to go in and that stupid, stupid insensitive woman was just so rude and asking inappropriate questions that were, yes none of her f*cking business (how you kept calm I don't know!) that you and OH could be kept together right until you went under. That must have been real relief and a comfort to you both.
Sorry not sure what happened then BE went nuts on me!!!! Opps
I am glad the Consultant lady was good and the team in afterwards, the last thing you need when you are having to go through anything like that is people who are not capable of being understanding of your situation.
Anyway look I'm pleased for you that that bit is over and like me, you can start to deal with the rest of the feelings that are coming our way. No one said it was going to be easy did they? I had a big wobble this morning but cried myself to sleep and when I woke I felt a lot better. I guess these feelings and emotions just take us by surprise at times and when your not prepared they are kinda hard to know how to deal with. But like you say we will cope with it and through it together, there is a happy ending out there for all of us, of that I am certain.
I love the daffodil bulbs idea, I have been thinking about what if anything I might like to do in order to remember my little one and I'm just not sure yet in what form/how this will take place. But it is about whatever we want it to be, as its our loss and personal to each of us.
I am glad you are spending quality time with your OH, I hope she is doing ok too?
Today I thought about how fantastic my OH has been and it occured to me that through all of this I fallen in love with him all over again for being there every step of the way for me, for being my best friend and for all the little things he doesn't even realise that he does. See you have to see the good through the bad.
Speak to you soon MummaJ and take it easy sweetie.
Love Lou xxx
[Modified by: Dottie1 on March 26, 2009 09:12 PM]
Mar 26, 2009 6:14PM
Dottie, its the cold play song 'nobody said it would be easy but nobody said it would be this hard' that seems to me too sum it all up
Mar 26, 2009 7:24PM
Bloody Nora Mummaj! what a right couple of idiots you had to deal with at the beginning it would have taken all my strength not to knock them out!!!!!!
I am soooo glad the consultant was nice and i can't believe how insensitive the other staff were i mean grrrrrrrrrr!!!!
Anyway i am glad you are home and can now start to heal both emotionally and physically!
Sending both you and your partner a hug!
Rena x x
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