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Delayed Miscarriage

Hi Girls

I'm new to this site and am looking for a little support / help (or even hope!)

Two weeks ago I was sent to the EPU for an early pregnancy scan as I had had some slight bleeding, we were overjoyed to see a little heart beat and be told that I was 6+2 and was invited back yesterday for a 2nd scan.

This time I went along without a care in the world just looking forward to seeing how things had progressed. The baby had grown was measuring as 7+5 (was expecting this to be 8+2), but we were unable to see a heartbeat. They tried me on a 2nd machine and also got a second opinion, but came to the conclusion that the heart had stopped and that I was having a delayed miscarriage.

They have offered me another scan tomorrow just to help me come to terms with this and are talking about having me in on Tuesday for ERPC if I decide to go that route.

I just don't know what to do, we wanted this baby so much and I don't know whether I am just clutching at straws, but has anyone else been in this situation and had good news, or am I just putting myself through unnecessary hell???

Apologies if this doesn't make much sense but have tears pouring down my face as I write this...

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks
C x :cry:
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Replies

  • Im so sorry you're going through this Emerald, I wish there was something I could say.

    I dont want to lie to you, the fact the second scan didnt show a heartbeat and that the measurements were not what they should be isnt good, but I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

    The girls on here are really supportive, so if you need to talk we're all here for you xx
  • I'm so sorry you are going through this.

    I have to agree with Ellie. At 7+5 there would be a heartbeat.

    I had a misseed mc, bean died at 9 weeks and we only found out at the 12 weeks scan. I'm not saying it is any easier for you, but at least you have found out now that something is possibly wrong.

    I hope the scan goes well tomorrow.

    An ERPC isn't that scary. It's more the emothional side. I couldn't face losing my baby naturally, it had been in there 3 weeks with no sign of wanting to leave. image/ It's a general anaestetic, and there is some bleeding afterwards.

    Let us know how you get on. We're here if you need us. xx
  • hi,

    Im so sorry but i also have to agree with what the others have said - the second scan should have shown a heartbeat!

    I got pregnant my first try in February and we were over the moon and wanted the baby so much and couldnt believe how lucky we were - my first scan at 6+4 showed a heartbeat but my scan 2 weeks later showed my little bean hadnt made it past 7+2. there was no heartbeat and the measurements werent right - i wanted second opinion after second opinion but unfortunately the results were the same and my baby had gone.

    Maybe there is a chance for you and i will keep my fingers crossed there is but im sorry that its not looking good. I found this site a huge support in the time that followed. I waited a week and with no sign of my baby coming away i had mecial management and passed my baby at home 3 days later. It was very difficult but im glad i went doen that way i didnt have the erpc as i really didnt want one and cant offer any advice on that but from what the firls have said and from what i was told its a fairly straight forward procedure but as mithical said its the emotional side thats hard (which hits everyone regardless of the way we lose our baby)

    My hubby found it hard and felt like maybe there was still a chance and what if they were wrong but i knew in my heart and i had done even before the scan no matter how positive i tried to be i just knew although it didnt prepare me in any way for hearing those words as nothing can! I found it extra cruel in a way that we had had the first early scan although im glad i did as we saw Poppet's heartbeat and i have a picture (of nothing more than a little white blob but that was my baby)

    It does get easier but i wont lie its hard although this site has been agreat support to me the past few months and if you need us we will be here!

    Like i said i hope you get some good news instead though!

    Stay strong!

    Lxx
  • Thanks for you posts girls and am sorry to hear that you have been through this as well.

    Lauz41 - sound like you had a similar situation to us, can I ask you something please?

    I've been given the following options:

    Letting nature take it's course - but not sure I can cope with 2 - 3 weeks of not knowing when or where.

    or

    An ERPC - which again I'm not sure I like the sound of as not keen on general anesthetic.

    You mentioned in your post about medical managemet, are you able to tell me what this is?

    Sorry to pry and don't want to upset anyone on here, would just like to know all my option so I can ask at the hospital tomorrow.

    Hope you understand, thanks in advance

    Hugs
    Cxxx
  • Hi,

    of course i understand and im so sorry you have to go through this. appologies in advance as this will likely be a very long post.....

    I was given the same 2 options as you as well as medical management although for some reason not every hospital offers this so it may not be an option for you.

    My preference was to let things happen natuarlly but my baby had stopped growing previously and i waited another week after finding out and with no sign of it happening i saw medical management as thebest option as i didnt fancy the idea of a erpc for alot of reasons mainly as i was worried about possible complications and i didnt want an aneasthetic.

    with medical management i went in and took a tablet which is meant to induce labour (some woman will pass their baby using this alone) i then went home and was admitted 48 hours later (the tablet made no difference to me despite being told to expect pain and possible bleeding) with medical management you have pessaries inserted into your cervix to cause it to contract and you can have a maximum of 3 lots.

    1st lot made no difference again to me (they are given 3 hours apart so we were there all day but i was lucky in that i was in my own room within the epu some woman have to go on to post natal and labour wards which must make things even more traumatic1) with the 2nd lot she said my cervix was still tightly closed (which i hope was a good thing in terms of a future pregnancy0 its a bit uncomfortable having them inserted and obviously very invasive which people might find uncomfortable (my hubby stayed with me the whole day which was also nice) within 10 minutes of those i started to have very bad cramps and i needed very strong pain killers, i then felt wet dribble from below and thought it might have been lubricant gel but i had started to bleed (you then have to do the toilet in bed pans all day so they can monitor ur losses) i passed some very large clots and i remember being in the loo and crying hysterically at the losses that was coming from me (sorry tmi) my hubby also found it quite distressing to see me like that. I was hopeful that the process had started so a 3rd lot would finish it off but no such luck i had the 3rd lot inserted and nothing - the pain and bleeding continued but i just passed clots then it started to ease off!

    I was sent home (medical management doesnt always work and some woman go through it and still need the erpc so if it is an option for you bear that in mind but for me i had to try it was importnat to me that as i had been given a choice my baby came out as it should and it made it more real i think - an erpc would personally have taken that away from me and i would have found it harder to cope with i think of one minute it being there and not the next) i went home bleeding but lighter than a period and i didnt pass much clots and the pain subsided this was on the Friday night and on the Saturday again nothing and by the Sunday i was convinced it wouldnt work so i sent my hubby to work on the Monday as i didnt see the point in him takin any more time off. I had been given a scan for the Tuesday to check if the baby was still in place and if so i was to have the erpc.

    At about 6 o'clock (i remember everything so vividly) i went downstairs to get a drink and with no warning when i was at the bottom i felt a sort of gush and something sliding out is best i can describe it and i knew what it was. I went to the toilet and there was a large clot on my pants (sorry if tmi) i then looked down the toilet distraught and there was my baby (this upset me the most that it went down the pan) it of course didnt resemeble anything like a baby but was purpley/grey in colou and a good size of hard but dquidgy tissue - i knew what it was and screamed the place down. Luckily my hubby was home 10 mins later -but i just held it and cried in the mean time it would have looked disgusting to anyone else but it was my baby so to me it was beautiful. There was no pain and not to much bleeding (i bled for about another 6 days but just like a light period) i took my baby through to epu that night who confirmed it looked like the baby and sac - myscan the next day showed a small clot left over but i passed that that night, A further scan 2 weeks later showed everything was clear. I also left my baby at the hospital as i couldnt bear the thought of taking it home and not knowing what to do.

    In terms of an erpc from what i have heard and read the erpc is physically easier and not as traumatising in what you have to see visually but as i said whatever what we have to lose our babies its painful.

    I was 'lucky' in that my af returned 4 weeks later like a normal cycle. I am currently on cd2 of my 1st cycle trying and gutted that af is here but im hoping it happens for us again quickly!

    Sorry this is so long and i hope it makes sense. Just ask if theres anything else i can help you with!

    It may not be an option as they havent offered you it but they should give you a reason why and it may not be the right way for you either if it was. i have to say erpc seems to what the majority of ladies go for for whatever reason but im glad i went through the way i did....i got to hold my baby at the end of the day and say goodbye properly.

    I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get a nice surprise tomorrow anyway! Let us know what happens...

    (((hugs))))

    Lxx
  • HI honey,
    So sorry to hear about what you're going through. I mc'd myself naturally at 9 weeks in feb and know how heartbreaking it is.
    Just to let you know the MIscarriage Association have excellent leaflets available online that exapline exactly what medical management and all the other options involve.
    Just thought I'd let you know as I saw you were online.
    Sending you a hug.
    xxx
  • HI honey,
    So sorry to hear about what you're going through. I mc'd myself naturally at 9 weeks in feb and know how heartbreaking it is.
    Just to let you know the MIscarriage Association have excellent leaflets available online that exapline exactly what medical management and all the other options involve.
    Just thought I'd let you know as I saw you were online.
    Sending you a hug.
    xxx
  • hi
    EmeraldMum2B - sorry to hear what you're going through. I don't have any experience or advice to share. Just to say I hope things work out for you.

    Lauz41 - want to say thanks for sharing your intimate experience on here. I was really moved. I've no personal experience but I can feel your pain through your words. Hope you get your BFP soon.
    xx
  • Thanks Gina!

    Lx
  • Hi Girls

    Thanks for you support girls and as you say Gina a very special thanks to Lauz for sharing her story.

    Well I'm off to the hospital this morning for my scan just to be sure, a real mix of emotions going through me at the moment, but unfortunately I don't think "hope" is a front runner! I've been having a few twinges in my tummy yesterday and overnight and the morning sickness symptoms seem to be subsiding. But still feel I need the scan to be certain.

    After the scan they are intending to fit me in to see a Doctor about the ERPC on Tuesday and / or other management options.

    Can't believe that at this time on Wednesday I was really quite excited about my scan and seeing how my little bean had developed over the last two weeks. Now this morning I'm sitting here typing this feeling completely numb. God knows how much difference 24 / 48 hours can make!!!

    Still I guess we will get through this. Hubby is understandably gutted as well, but has been great, an absolute rock. Love him soooo much!

    Well will let you know how I get on...

    Thanks everyone, it really does help to talk to others who know what you'r going through.

    Hugs
    C x
  • Thinking of you. xx

  • Thanks i didnt mean it to be sooooo long!

    If it is the worst news which i hope not then yoe are right...you will get through it! It may not seem like it now but it does get easier every day.....the pain doesnt go away and you wont forget but gradually the numbness stops and you start to feel again! I cry ALMOST everynight now as opposed to every night which is some progress and its been 10 weeks since i found out and 9 since my procedure...take time to be with ur hubby and help each other through!

    I've still got my fingers crossed that theres a little miracle for you let is know how you get on....

    Thinking of you..

    Lx
  • Well just got back from the hospital and it has been confirmed out little bean has died. :cry:

    So unless nature takes it's course over the weekend I'm booked in for a ERPC on Tuesday morning. This was the course of action that the hospital have recomended.

    So we are now tryig to take as many positives as we can from this whole awful experience and as the doctor said to us today, "at least you know that you can conceive" this is a small comfort and hopefully one day soon we will be holding our new born healthy baby.

    At the moment I just seem to be racked by guilt, would things have been different if I wasn't overweight, started the folic acid sooner, not eaten and drunk things that I souldn't have done before I found out??? But I guess these feelings are normal :\? I know it sounds silly but just feel as if I've let everybody down (hubby and our parents).

    Hope all you ladies that are trying again get good news very soon!

    Sorry for the rant!
    C x

  • Im so sorry to hear that....

    Feeing guilty is a normal reaction and one i think we have all felt but you have to realise that it wasnt down to anything you did or didnt do...it just wasnt meant to be! I tried to do everything right like not eating certain foods, cutting out caffine, taking folic acid etc and it made me so angry to see woman who smoke, drink and take drugs (and it stil does) have babies so easily and young girls who dont even want to be pregnant and so i found that jealousy and anger and bitterness were all part of the emotions i went through and i still struggle with all of these feelings but this site has showed me that they are all part of the process and that im not alone and neither are you. Like i said before in time it will get a little easier but at the minute take all the time you need to recover and be with your husband as you need each other (i had 4 weeks off work)

    We didnt tell anyone about the pregnancy as i thought before 12 weeks it might jinx us (yeah right) and the only people who i told afterwards were no help what so ever. My sister told me just to 'get over it' shes 18 but thats not an excuse and her friend is due a baby any day now (yes i am bitter about that as she was only with her bf a month and didnt want a baby but i cant help that) and my sis keeps going on about her 'nephew' and what she has bought/will buy, how excited she is, how she cant wait to meet them and babysit etc which really hurt me as although very early days i had still been carrying a baby - what would have been her niece or nephew and as a result she fell out with me and hasnt spoken to me in 8 weeks and cause i said it was shocking when her friend got pregnant (which i think it was even before i got pregnant and said so as my sis looks up to her and i didnt want her to think it was a good idea) she is never speaking to me again apparantly and she then told my dad who i dont get on with particularly well even though i had asked her not too and was keeping her secrets which really hurt and angered me further and he didnt say anything other than i should have told him as he had a right to my aunt who was full of 'it was probably for the best' erm how is that exactly?? I ost my mum 6 months previously and i miss her sooo soo much espec now as she would have been a great help! Sorry im goin off track and its not about me...

    My husband was amazing as it hut him really hard to..so take time to be together and take the support offered from your family as you havent let anyone down...we are all hear as well anytime you want to talk/cry/rant/scream.....

    Unfortunately life is shit and cruel sometimes but it wasnt down to you just shit luck really...i hope the erpc goes well (as well as can be expected given the situation) Hopefuly it will give you a little closure as i remember when i was holding my 'baby' and crying as i was so distraught i remember when we were going through to the hospital feeling a sense of relief as i had been so scared and worried about what was to come and on the way home from hospital a sense of calm.....once the physical side is over you can begin to tackle the emotional side!

    ((((hugs)))

    Lx

    [Modified by: Lauz41 on May 22, 2009 03:16 PM]

  • Hi
    very sorry and sad to hear your news, is a really tough time - but we know how you feel and people on here are great (I had ectopic so don;t know about the erpc etc)
    wishing you all the best
    Daisyx
  • Hi ,I'm so sorry to read your story and that of the other ladies on here, life really is crap sometimes.

    Please don't feel it's anytihng you did, it's just one of those random bad luck things i'm afraid.

    I thought I'd just pop on to say I had ERPC about 10 days ago at 7-8 weeks PG (baby died 5-6 weeks), I to had a scan a week earlier and saw heart beat although it was small. I went back the following week expceting good news and piccies etc only to be told it had died.

    I was so scared about an anesthetic I cannot tell you, but my OH didn't want us to let nature take it's course (things had been uncertain for most of the 4 weeks I'd know I was PG) and I couldn't face the medical management when I was told I had to stay in hospital for the staff to go through what I passed (and I had a friend who had a horrific experience with this and needed a ERPC anyway). however I am so humbled by the care I recieved by all the staff when I had my ERPC, I found out baby had died at scan at 11am, and was in theatre at 430pm and home by 9pm, I felt ok, slight period type bleeding for 8 days after and 2 days of AF type cramps. Nothing more. I just found I wanted it ending so we could finally move forward. Please don't be scared (I know it's easy to say for me now) by the ERPC, you will be fine.

    I am thinking of you xx

  • Big hugs to you.
    I found out my baby had died when we went to our rountine 13 week scan last month. I had an ERPC 2 days later. I am so glad I opted for that. I was dreading it but it was ok. Its emotionally that is worse. But rest lots after and take care of yourself. people on here told me it would take about 2 weeks to get over phyisically and it did. i even bleed for 2 weeks afterwards altho the hospital told be to expect 4-10 days. But it is only bleeding like a period (altho i had a few small clots).
    I wasn't given a follow up appointment but I had so many things going around my head - like what had I done??? So I went to my GP last week with a list of the questions I had in my head (I wrote them down because I knew I would miss out something - and they were fine with this and would urge others to do the same) i felt better after talking with GP. it is not your fault.

    Big hugs. x
  • Hi hun, I so sorry to hear about your miscarriage! I had a missed miscarriage about 10 days ago, went for our 12 week scan and found baby had died at 9 weeks! Like you I was given 2 options- to let nature take its course or to have an ERPC. I opted for the ERPC and had it done last monday, 3 days after being given the bad news. It really was not a bad experience physically for me- as you have a general anasthetic you really know nothing about it, and its all over within 45 mins- from going to sleep to waking up! I had some bleeding after the procedure but it stopped within a few hours and I have been fine since! I'm still feeling quite emotional about it all, but think I wuld have been worse had I waited for nature to take its course! I hope everything goes well for you- I'll be thinking of you!! xx
  • I'm so sorry to hear this. Big hugs. Hope it goes smoothly tomorrow for you. xx
  • Hi Girls

    Apologies for the delay replying. A big thank you to you all for your support and kind words, it has really helped being able to talk with others who have had the same sad experience.

    Well had the ERPC on Tuesday and all went well was back home by 3pm. I had a few tummy cramps that day and a bit of bleeding but that all stopped the following day. Physically I feel fine now if a little tired!

    Emotionally both hubby and I are very sad but hanging in there, silly little things keep making us well up - but guess that's to be expected!!! Our little Bean was much loved while with us and will never be forgotten. :cry:

    Thanks again for all your support and hopefully will be chatting to you all again very soon in the TTC forums!!!

    Hugs
    Cx

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