2nd Miscarriage - numb

littlemo · Feb 26, 2009 4:20PM

Hi girls. So sorry to be back on this forum again. Have just been for a private scan and found out our little bean didn't make it at 6+4, i would have been 7 today. The heartbreaking thing is I had a scan last week and the little heartbeat was going 10 to the dozen. I had some bleeding on Friday so booked a private scan as I couldn't wait until Monday which is when I would hve got one through teh NHS.

This is my second miscarriage. My last one was in October 08 and was at 5+5 although I found out at 7+5. This pregnancy has been horrible as I hve been bleeding since day one so in a way i'm a little bit relieved it's over but obviously not at the same time.

I'm so scared of getting pregnant again and I am thinking of going private to try and get some tests done as i'm convinced tehre is something wrong as this seems to be happening around the same time. Has anyone else done this?

I just feel completely numb at the moment and actually quite angry which is completely different to last time where i was emotional straight away. My DH is gutte and seems to be able to cry but I just feel dead inside. I feel angry at the lack of support you get on the NHS unless you go through this again you can't even get a sodding blood test!

I had an ERPC last time and don't think i can go through it again but I don't want to wait around to pass the baby and I am terrified of seeing it.

Thank you for listening i know everyone on here has been through so much pain and suffering also.

xxxx

spursgirl2 · Feb 25, 2009 12:51PM

I'm so sorry for your loss, and really sorry you're going through it for the second time. I can't really offer any words of comfort but I'm thinking of you and your OH at this sad time. Take care of each other xx

MrsDAO · Feb 25, 2009 12:51PM

So sorry littlemo.
I really feel for you and your oh. It must be completely shattering to go through this nightmare twice. I'm thinking of you xxx

littlemo · Feb 25, 2009 4:26PM

Thank you for all your support.

Still don't think it's hit me yet. I know when it does its going to be like a ton of bricks! In quite a lot of pain in my lower abdomen and just want it to be over maybe it will hit me then.

Just cant believe i'm back here again, its so frustrating, I took my vitamins, ate properly got plenty of rest no caffeine or alcohol and its still happened. Can't belive the little bean was thriving only a week ago. Just keep thinking WHY???

Thank you for your kind words. xx

renee18 · Feb 25, 2009 4:57PM

Oh littlemo, dont upset yourself more. There is nothing you could have done more, you did everything you were supposed to do but it just happened. I am also sorry that they wont test you, my doctor told me that 45% of women get at least 1 miscarriage throughout their lives, and 35% get 2 miscarriages. On a hopeful view, my mother had 2 miscarriages before she had me, the first was around 5-6 weeks, the second around 7-8 weeks, and she went on to have 3 healthy children.

I only had one miscarriage, so cant help with the NHS problem. But i wish you luck and i want you to take care of yourself. We are all here ready to listen and talk
Love
Renee x

ashyashy1986 · Feb 25, 2009 5:24PM

hi i just want to say how sorry i am that you have had another mc. i had one in sept, we found out at the 12 week scan that baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. im preg again and am 9 weeks, had a scan at 7 weeks due to a small bleed, and everything looked fine but i had another bleed at 8 weeks and the nhs wont scan me again so i have to just wait until 12 weeks and hope everything is ok. i had a natural mc last time and it was horrific, couldnt go through one again so if this bean doesnt make it then im definatly having the erpc. just wanted you to know your not alone and we are always here is you need aa chat.

ashy xxx

_Minnie09_ · Feb 25, 2009 5:37PM

Hi littlemo

I'm so sorry for your losses.

I understand you feeling angry this time - that is exactly how OH and I felt after my 2nd miscarriage. You just can't believe that it has happened again and it hurts so badly and there's nobody to be angry with because it wasn't anyone's fault, which makes dealing with the anger even more difficult. But remember that it was nothing that you did or didn't do. It was NOT your fault.

I have just had my 3rd mc and have now been referred for (and had) all the blood tests but it is very frustrating that you have to go through this heartache 3 times before getting any help. I did actually get referred to the Gynaecologist after 2 mc's (due to me having anxiety and depression and my GP not wanting me to go downhill with these worrying about a potential problem) but my appointment has only just come around now and is on Friday.

Some GP's are kind and refer you somewhere after 2 mc's but it all depends on your doctor. But I would ask your GP first before going private as I think it'd be very expensive and if you can get it on the NHS then you may as well.

You are in my thoughts at this awful time.

Take care, NN xx

littlemo · Feb 26, 2009 5:12AM

Thank you for your reassuring message Renee. My grandma also had 2 miscarriages before having my dad. I've never asked her how far gone she was or if she knows what happened. But it is reassuring to know that this may be over and I may be able to have my so wanted for child.

Ashy I remember your story from the pregancy after miscarriage forum and i remember you left me a message after i went for my previous scan and got a heartbeat. I can't believe you can't get another scan until 12 weeks - how can they make you suffer like that. I hope everything is ok. The statistics for pregnant women who bleed and go on to have healthy pregnancies are good and i was just unlucky enough to fall into the percentage that doesn't. I'm sure it wont happen to you.

NN thank you so much for your advice. It is really helpful. I'm so sorry you have been through this 3 times. Its reassuring to know that i'm not alone at having such a different reaction from the 1st one. I hate being angry and its just not me (my friends always joke about how laid back i am). I don't want to resent people and push them away but that's just how i feel.

I have left a mesage for my doctor to ring me as she has no appointments free. I do have a history of depression that has been under control for years now (i would never have contemplated becoming a mum if i wasn't stable) but i'm scared that all this is going to tip me over the edge again. Its also killing me that this could be something that can be sorted out relatively simple. i have always suffered from extremely difficult periods having bad PMS, spots (i'm 30!), lack of sleep, raise in temperature and a range of other lovely symptoms so I can't help feeling my horemones are slightly out of wack.

Anyway i'm rambling again. Being off work is not helping as i'm thinking about things too much!

Thank you everyone for your support xxxxx

lydiavn · Feb 26, 2009 5:31AM

Hi Littlemo,
Sorry to see you back again.
Your story and mine are quite similar. I had a MMC with my first pregnancy in Oct 08. Found out at my dating scan, but had seen a HB at 7+3.We conceived again Christmas week, had 2 scans at 6wks and 8+4 both completely normal. Lively wee bean with strong HB and waving arms then the awful news at the dating scan that it had died again. I was in shock and numb. Cried in fits and burst but predominately had anger. I was furious, I had had my one MC that seemingly most people have at some point, why was I having another?! I was also angry with my wee beans for dying. Like you, I had done everything by the book. Not even had chocolate because of the caffeine in it. Wasn't bleeding...just couldn't understand.
I too had a hideous time with the NHS the first time (very hard, unsympathetic staff) so we went private straight away. Things happened quicker, got consultants to speak to instead a junior doctor, booked in for another scan to confirm everything (I was still in denial). Had another ERPC 3 days later. That was last Friday so I am still quite raw over the whole thing. I am hiding from the world not wanting to go back to my life as then I will have to face the fact that I am no longer pregnant. As we went private, we have persuaded them to send the placenta and bean for analysis to look for genetic problems. There is also a query over whether I have PCOS so am waiting for a scan. They are testing for thyroid antibodies and rechecking my thyroid levels as these were out (another story!) If you can afford to go private I would if you want answers. That is the only way we are getting it looked in to earlier as the standard is 3 MC.
This is still really early days for you. So give your self time to come to terms with it. It is still shocking and upsetting. But I am reacting differently this time round. I am still hiding away so not sure how I will cope when I have to go back to work etc.
If you have any questions, give me a shout. Otherwise, sending you a massive hug. It is just so unfair!!
Lilou x

littlemo · Feb 26, 2009 10:38AM

Thank you Lilou. I am so so sorry for what you have been through. My main problem has been with my GP both this time and last time even though i have changed doctors. I am now considering whether to change my surgery even though the nearest one is 5 miles away. My doctor has done her job but she has never once said "i'm sorry" and seems to have a very brusque manner. I know they see this all the time but this is everything to me.

I still can't believe they on't test people until they've been through this 3 times. What other medical condition would you have to suffer with 3 times before you got help!!! My husband rang the Miscarriage Association today to ask if they could provide any information about how to go about getting testing done privately and the lady was so sympathetic that he just broke down in tears. This was the first time somebody apart from family and friends had acknowledged the loss and it left us both in tears.

I have spoken to a Dr at the EPU today and they can fit me in for a slot tomorrow! they say I wont be on the emergency list like i was last time as that put me off. Waiting around all day for an operation like that is not pleasant. The Dr was actually really nice and said that he was on shift until 11 tonight and said i should ring him and let him know what I decide.

I know what you mean about reacting differently. I know its early days but I just feel completely different than last time and just feel like hiding away and withdrawing from everyone. I have already decided this time if anyone asks if I am ok i'm going to say NO! and not "I'm fine" like last time. Thank you for your message. It makes you feel less alone knowing that there is somebody going through what you are going through (even though I am sorry you are).

DebbieA - thanks for your message. Sometimes a kind word is all that's needed.

xxxx

lydiavn · Feb 26, 2009 4:20PM

Hi again,
It is shocking that some people in the medical profession can't seem to empathise with what their patient must be going through. I know they must see it all the time but if they have become 'immune' to the effect it must have they need to start questioning if they are still in the right profession. In my job we can have days that we give people bad news and I am always moved by the dreadful situation these poor people can be in. If anything I have to keep a grip of myself not to break down too. I feel for them so much.
I have found the Miscarriage Association great. I have a meeting with them on Tuesday.
Hope everything goes smoothly for you tomorrow. At least you will know what to expect.
Hope to chat to you when you feel up to it. Sending you hugs,
Lilou xx

2nd Miscarriage - numb

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