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Lost my daughter last week at 22 weeks please help

I have been a member of baby expert since October last year when i discovered i was pregnant ... we just got back from our wedding in Santorini and although i only came off the pill in August, things obviously happened pretty quick - it was a total shock - i hadnt missed a period, but something made me pick up a test.

I have never been a baby person - i have always been very wary of little ones ... not really sure what to do with them, so was very appprehensive at first (although we deceded to try, having been on the pill for years, i truly expected a long wait!)

I also got very stroppy about putting on weight ... for months i felt so fat and horrible - as i am 5ft even a couple of pounds showed and it really started to upset me - so so insignificant now and so stupid. I would give anything to turn the clock back.

After christmas i began to enjoy pregnancy - i had a proper bump and started to feel flutters, which grew stronger in time .... it was lovely to snuggle up in front of the TV with my husband every night with his hand on my belly getting kicked here and there. we found out at the 20 week scan i has having a girl - we had called her 'Bingo' (dont ask 'cos i really can't remember where it came from!) and the weekend we found out we decorated the nursery, put the cot up, it looked beautiful.

On the 7th of Feb, we sat watching my tummy to see her kicking ... it was lovely to see little bumps appearing and that night in bed my husband felt her kicking him in the back for the first time.

we were both so excited ... and constantly reminding ourselves how lucky we were. Just a year ago Nick had a heart infection and very nearly died - he spent nearly a year in and out of hospital, wnd had a replacement heart valve at just 33 - it was a really difficult time for us both, but follwoing an amazing wedding and the news i was expecting, things couldnt have been more perfect.

That night i tossed and turned with stomach ache ... to be honest i hadnt really thought too much about it, but in the morning i saw i was bleeding. I called the labour ward - at this point i wasnt worried, just thought should check it out and that it was probably something and nothing.

when i arrived at the hospital, i was told that i was 3 cms dialated and that i needed to see the consultant as i would need a stitch to secure my cervix which would then be taken out at 36 weeks. Bingo was fine - strong heartbeat and still kicking so i wasnt worried at all. It was only when the consultant explained the situation in detail.

As i was 3cms dialated, my waters were about to break and i would misscarry. At 22 weeks my baby had no chance of survival - her lungs would not be formed and so the only option was the stitch - this however was just as risky as my waters were laike a balloon that they neded to push backwards to put in the stich. however, it was my only option to save my baby so there was no question about having the procedure done.

The consultant wanted to give me an epidural so she she could talk to be throughout ... i did start to get really worried at this point as the reality of what was happening set in ... i remember shaking so much as i waited for the epidural to take effect.

It was such a strange feeling ... there was a lot of talking going on ... the plan was to put hooks around my cervix, then to add a stitch almost like a drawstring. at one point i remember that the midwife told me they had them all in and just needed to add the stitch. Which was when my waters broke.

I cant begin to describe the complete devestation when i realised it was over, and that my little girl, who was alive and growing had no chance of survival as my body had let me down. The whole day passed in a blur - i couldnt talk or see any one, i couldnt comprehend that i was loosing her.

I was told that i was expected to deliver any time from right after the procedure to a maximum of 3 days. We were told there was no hope at 22 weeks, that although she may show signs of life, it would not be possible to resusatate as she would be far too tiny, and this could cause more harm than good. Brain damage, disability. All kinds of complications. I felt as though i was trapped in a nightmare. That it wasnt really hapening to me ... as though someone would tell me it was going to be ok ... but it was hopeless.

We got through the night - i didnt sleep a wink. She was still kicking and i just wanted to hold on to that and keep her safe.

The next morning the consultant once again explained my situation. Due to my waters breaking, i was open to infection, which could be very agressive and could ruin my chances of children in the future. At the same time i was told that Bingo was lay across my cervix and not likely to move initially, so they would monitor me and put me on antibiotics to keep it at bay, but if it got a hold they would need to deliver my baby.

The scan showed that there was still fluid around her, and that her heartbeat was as strong as ever. Because of her position she was staying put, and that is when the hope returned. I was told that if she held on to 23 weeks, i could have steroids which would help with her lung development and then if she came there may be a million to one chance of survival.

I didnt move!! I stayed in bed for 3 days and old myself to be strong for her ... i ate all the hospital food i could get my hands on (!) and stayed positive, talking to her and telling her off for kicking and not to move! On the Fridy i pleaded with the consultant to give me steroids - my argument was that the date of conception is never really correct ... she could have been more developed internally but a smaller baby - at 5ft and 7 stone, i am a bit of a short ass and i needed to do wverything i could as she was holding on too.

I was so pleased when they agreed, but with it came the shock of the Paediatric consultants. They said at 22 weeks brain damage was 90% likely along with severe disability and they wanted to know that we understood what we were asking them to do should there be any way of helping her. Once again it was so so sad but we agreed to wait to see what happened when she was born - we really hoped that we could go another week for her which would bring her to the 'viable' stage

As soon as i woke on saturday morning i felt differently. i could tell she had moved and was not kicking and i asked for a scan. The scan showed that her feet had moved down in to my cervix and that i was in slow labour. I was devastated. I was told that i needed to do things naturally if possible so has to wait all day, praying she would be strng enough when she was delivered.

later that day i felt her feet and Paediatrics were called to assist.

I gave birth at 16.58 on the 12th of February and my beautiful little girl took a couple of breaths and left us. She was so so tiny - like a barbie doll, tiny but so perfect, she had black hair, and eyebrows and a little grumpy face. I held her and thought my heart was breaking. she fought for me and was just too tiny to carry on. We stayed with her that night. They found a moses basket for me and we wrapped her up but she was so little. just 13 ounces.

Yeaterday was the funeral the coffin was so small - just bigger than a shoebox. we cried for her, for ourselves and for the injustice of everything that had happened - the hope given and taken away so many times.

I havent spoken to anyone about the birh of our daughter yet. I cant explain my grief and the loss i feel - i miss my bump, my little Bingo. I need to be pregnant again. i go back to work next week but i a dreading it - i work across the country and probably see hundreds of people ... they all knew how excited i was. i am not sure how to handle them.

so my question is - when can we try again? I am so desperate to have another baby - i have a follow up apointment in 6 weeks but is it safe to try after my first period?

thank you


  • oh sweetheart, my thoughts and prayers are with you like u would not believe. your little bingo sounds perfect, she is now playing in the clouds with the other angel babies.

    my story is fairly similar to yours, if you need to talk to someone, please let me know and i will send u my number, u can text and time day or night, or email me, anything u want to.

    please take time to grieve for your baby girl, when you are ready to try again you can do.

    i went back to work 6 weeks after loosing Edward, it was very very hard, but was good for me in the end.

    please dont hesitate to contact me if u need to talk to someone who has been through the same, i know how very lonely it can be.

    love and hugs and floaty kisses to bingo.

  • G/C from due in August.

    so sorry for your loss, I cant help with your question but i wanted to say how sad i am for your loss.

  • I am so so very sorry for your loss x my heart broke when reading this. . Im sure your baby girl will always know you tried your very best and so did she x x x god bless x x
  • Thank you so much for the lovely messages of support ... everything is a bit of a blur at the moment i think - mornings and night time are the worst - when i wake up and remember and at night when we used to fall asleep feeling her kicking.

    knowing why it happened doesnt make it any easier - i have been assured that next time every thing will be put into place to ensure this doesnt happen again but i am so so scared that i wont be able to concieve.

    We are so desperate to try again - i am still bleeding 12 days later and have called my consultant who has told me to wait until next week as i may need a D&C ... it just makes me worry more.

    Everything seems so unfair - everything was perfect and ready for her and she was so strong and i feel like i let her down. i need to start to look to the future i know, but the waiting in between is so hard image
  • Sorry to G/C but I had to say how sorry I am for your loss. I can't even begin to understand how you're feeling.

    Bingo and Edward are probably playing together in the clouds now.

    All the very best for your future xxxxx
  • GC from TTCafterMC.

    Im so so sorry for your loss, my heart is breaking for you both right now. Wish I knew what words to say that could possibly bring you a tiny bit of comfort, but im sorry, I dont think they exist. Just want you to know that you are in my thoughts. Tracy x
  • I just want to let u no that I'm truly so sorry for both of your losses.Devastating.

    There aren't any words to be said other than I'm sure in time your pain will heal and you will get your bundles of joy that you deserve.

    Bless you both

    Love luck and baby dust to us all

    Love Yvonne xxxx
  • Hi Hun!

    I'm so so sorry to hear about your little girl! My story is very similar and I had all the same fears as you!

    Take time to grieve and when your ready it's ok to ttc! There is no right or wrong time just when you feel emotionally and physically ready!

    I went on to have a beautiful little girl, so miracles do happen!

    If you need to talk feel free to e mail me! Sending lots of hugs!


  • So sorry image huge hugs x
  • g/c just to send my love and thoughts, i cant begin to imagine what you are going through.xxxxxxxxxx
  • I'm G/C but just wanted to say how deeply sorry I am for you.

    My heart broke whilst reading this, I'm crying for you and your husband and the pain you must be going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you both and your little angel baby.

    Take care and be strong for each other.

    All the best, Ellie xxx
  • I have sent you an inbox message xx
  • my heart is breaking for you,

    i know how u feel sweetie, Edward was strong too, he was still kicking away until the end. it was my body that failed him, but i promise you with all my heart this vile suffocating grief will lift and you will start to live again.

    Bingo will be so so proud of you, she will be looking down on her brave mummy and always will be.

  • Hi there just want to say how sorry i am for ur loss , i dont come on here as much as i used to but felt i needed to talk to u , i lost my little boy charlie at 40 weeks during labour , we dont know why he died just that he got into distress ,

    that was 18 months ago not a day or even hour goes past where i dont think of my boy ,

    i had to have a c section and when we went back after 6 weeks to see if any answers on his death they said medically i needed to wait 6 months for my body to heal ,

    i felt excatly the same as u i longed for my babay back in my tummy i had had my 1st period aftre losing charlie then nothing so i took a test and to my amazment i was pg again 7 weeks after losing him !!!!

    i was in shock i was so happy but it was so hard grieving and being pregnant some days not sure how i coped

    i have 2 other children whom needed there mum so i had to get up in the mornings ,

    i was looked after very closely and had my little girl by section 9 and half months after losing my dear charlie

    she was perfect ,

    so i'm saying have another baby when u want one not to replace but to put a little piece of yr heart back , ella is neraly 9 months now , it hasnt been plain sailing at all she had to have open herat surgery 3 months ago to save her life and we was told she might not make it through so again our hearts were being ripped out , but she faut back agaisnt all the odds i know her big brother was wathcing over her and always will , take care xxxx
  • Hi,

    That bought tears to my eyes!! I don't get on very often so i'm sorry for the late reply. I just wanted to give you a little hope. I found out on the 17/9/2009 that my little boy had died at 27 weeks, I gave birth to him on the 19/9/09 and we started trying as soon as the bleeding stopped. We fell pregnant again in January 2010 and gave birth to twin boys on the 17/09/2010, exactly a year after our little boy died. I am so sorry for you loss and as you can see you are not alone in your pain. I really hope you and your husband can get through this and have a little rainbow baby of your own.

    Sending you hugs and love,

    Jackie xx
  • I've just read your story with tears in my eyes. I lost my little boy at 23 weeks in February. I had a risky procedure to alleviate a problem he had, but unfortunately I miscarried. He was tiny, but perfect, stayed with us for 15 minutes. We knew from around 12 weeks that he had a problem, and we did everything we could to save him, the loss though was none the less devastating. At the time, I was angry that nothing would be done to resuscitate.

    I had some bleeding for what seemed like ages, but after that stopped, we waited for the first cycle and tried again. Never thought it would happen so soon but I am now newly pregnant again (6 weeks) and nervous as hell! We will never forget our little boy, but are trying to look forward now. It's going to be a tough ride but worth it I hope. You should try again when you are ready, if that's now, then go for it.

    Wishing you luck xx
  • Hello, I just wanted to offer my support. My little boy George was born at 24 weeks and lived for 7 days. It was the anniversary of his death this week and I am currently 8 weeks pregnant. I wanted you to know that although many ladies do get pregnant straight after a loss it can take up to a year as it did with me. I was desperate to get pregnant but looking back I don't think I could have coped if I had fell soon afterwards, I needed to get my mind back in the right place first. Everyone is different though so you have to do what feels right.
  • we live in such a cruel world sometimes,and i cant imagine your pain,bless you
  • Little Bingo in the arms of the angels

  • Xxxx what a heart breaking story I wish you all the love and luck in the world. You brave mother. You and her soul will always be connected remember that. Good luck to u ad your husband for a wonderful future you will get. Xxx
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