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Sorry but I am back...

Although I hadnt officially announced my bfp result, I went for a scan today, at 7 wks, and this little baby hasnt made it either. So this is recurrent mc no 3 for me (4 in total) and I am absolutely gutted. i was really feeling more optimistic because I had been taking aspirin in this pg. Despite worrying about symptoms half way through, I was definitely feeling pg at the time I went for the scan - having been feeling sick in the morning, and having cravings. the feotus measured 7 weeks, so they said it has just happened.

They did seeing some bleeding inside, but because I have a heart shaped uterus, they couldnt' tell if the bleeding was on the non pregnant side of my uterus. They are going to pass me onto the consultant now, and refer me to St Mary's miscarriage clinic in London. I have an appointment on Monday for a medical management, but also to see the consultant who will do another scan, but I don't think the outcome will be any different from today.

I feel so empty now, but feel numb too.


  • Oh hon, I'm so sorry to hear your news. Take things easy until monday, look after yourself and remember you'll always have support or a listening ear here if you need it.
  • Oh no honey I really don't know what to say to you I'm so sorry for all you have been through x I hope you get on ok seeing the specialist hopefully that can find something that's easily sorted x my thoughts are with you and your hubby
  • so so sorry to hear this hun. hope you are ok. massive hugs xx
  • I don't know why this happens to good people all of the time. I could barely cope when it happened to me the once so I can't even imagine how you are feeling. Im so sorry.

    It sounds like you will be in good hands now with experts in the field doing everything possible to help you.

    I always remember a lady who had been in a very similar situation to you and eventually got there in the end..after so much heart ache. She said all of the pain she'd felt before meant that her baby was all the more special to her.

    Try not to give up (I know easier said than done) we will all keep the faith for you whilst you are finding things so raw and painful and one day soon Im sure the little one you so rightly deserve will ease all of the pain you have felt before.

    Life really sucks sometimes. x
  • Oh s-evans i'm so so sorry to read this. I won't say I hope you're ok because I know how you're feeling right now and all I can say that you will get through this. With my third I too was convinced things would be fine, I felt pregnant and had awful nausea and felt totally different to the other 2 times, but as you know it wasn't to be either.

    You'll have tests now to see if there's a possible reason and hopefully it will throw some light on why this keeps on happening. Keep on their case for these tests, i'm having a nitemare with getting my results, I get the impression that i'm just a nuisance. However i'm up in N Scotland and you're in London so you have much more help and support where you are.

    I really hope all goes well on monday, look after yourself and if you ever want to chat then I always have my e-mail button on xxx
  • Hi s-evans,

    I'm so sorry for your loss, thoughts are with you and you hubby.

    Big hugs. X
  • Oh I am so sorry for your loss, I know how you feeling...

    I am going trough my 2nd mmc its horrible I know...I cant found I word to tell how hard it is...But we need to be strong and we will get there...we will have our little angels, its will happen...

    I have got a book about miscarriage and the author is from St. Marys hospital in London. Its really good book, so for sure you will be in good hands there.

    I hope that medical managment will work for you, because this treatmant doesnt worked for me. I am booked for D&C on Saturday morning.

    Take care xx
  • I am so sorry S-Evans, I wrote to you in PG after MC. My first comment is that is seems odd you would lose it today when you are scanned as you are measuring exactly right. Did they do a trans vaginal scan or abdominal? When you go back make sure they do a TV ultrasound as they can determine and see much more at this stage. As you know I have been where you are and I know they will figure out what is going on if you have lost this beany but I would want to be sure before I do anything more.

    I'm so sorry hun I wish I could give you a big hug.

    I'm here if you need to chat and I will pray that they find HB when you go back Monday......

  • So sorry that your going through this again.

    Big hugs.

  • Aw so sorry to hear your news. My thoughts are with you adn remeber us ladies are here for you x Take care xxxx
  • It finally hit me last night and today when I couldn't stop crying. I have now decided to seek counselling to see if it can help me understand why things like this may happen and how I can move on. I really was so optimistic thinking that perhaps it was sticky blood. The hospital were really optimistic for me too.

    BoB - you are so right with your comment.I am so glad with your insightfullness, and if you can think of anything else, please let me know. I think I ov'd around day 11, a bit earlier than usual. When I went for my scan, I was 7 weeks and 1 day. but I thought since I had ov'd early, it is possible that the feotus could be slightly older by a few days. The only thing I felt the day before was a sore tummy like wind or that I had eaten too much. But I really didn't have a clue plus I was sure I was having cravings too. They scanned me on the outside, not internally. They even got the Clinical Specialist Nurse to look at the scan too -so in the end 2 people looked. I suspose I am surprised they didn't scan me internally as I have had this done in the past only. I will ask them to scan me internally on Monday. But I guess I thought it was spooky that it had just happened. Do you think the heartbeat was happening to start with and then just stopped or do you think the heartbeat never happened at all?

    I think the hardest thing to accept is that there is probably something wrong with me and I feel like a failure. I wanted to give my little girl a little brother or sister, and at my age of 39, it is probably never going to happen now. I do reckon that I have one more chance to get pregnant again before my 40th in March, but the chances of it being successful as very slim going by my track record now.

    Sorry for waffling, thanks for listening.
  • Im so so sad to read this. I know nothing I can say is going to make you feel any better so im just sending you a huge virtual cuddle and hoping you have friends and family to lean on right now.

    You are in my thoughts

    Lots of love Tracy xxxx
  • S-Evans, yes definately have them check with an internal scan as at such an early stage it would definatly be hard to see a HB fron an external scan. I really hope they find one Monday, of course I also don't want to give you false hope....

    I'm 38, I don't know if you know that and had had no live births until now - I too thought my age was an issue but I got here.

    Also there are plenty of things they can help with for your next pg if this one is not meant to be, as I tried heparin injections (this didn't work for me and I lost my 3rd) and progesterone along with aspirin to get my DD.

    If I think of something else I will jump on and let you know.

    You might also want to look at this website it gave me hope:

  • Thanks for the cuddle Tracey.

    BoB - what investigations did you get done after you lost your 3rd? I will definitely look at the website in detail but from what I can see from it, it looks great. I didn't realise you were 38 but is good to know. Will let you know how I get on Monday.

    Thanks for your support, really means a lot.
  • They basically took a whole load of blood and did a barrage of testing on it including antibodies and genetic testing. My results came back with raised antibodies indicative of autoimmune disorders including mixed connective tissue disease,lupus and Sjogrens syndrome - I have had hardly any symptoms of any of this though so they don't know what came first the antibodies or the PG loses and now I have had my DD they are due to run more tests on me once the hormones have settled down in August. I also had a sonohystogram to check the shape and to make sure there were no abnormalities in my uterus - If you have had one child though I would doubt they would do this as your uterus was able to hold a PG before. They also did not feel it necessary to check my dh as the specialist said that if had any genetic mutations the swimmers are very unlikely to make it to their destination and the fact I was pg 3 times told them there was nothing wrong with him.

    Hope that helps and I'll be looking out for you update Monday and keeping everything crossed for you.

  • I had my second scan today, and despite praying for a miracle, the pregnancy was still confirmed as non viable. will start medical management now on Wednesday, and be admitted on Friday.

    I feel so crap. I guess time will be the healer and once af is back, it will be back to TTC again. I think I will have quite a few large glasses of wine this weekend - I haven't had a drink since my last mc - I gave up thinking this would help me.

    I haven't told any of my family, not even my mum because after the last mc she was quite negative and was basically telling me to give up trying and just adopt. I don't think I am ready to hear that. I have booked a set of free couselling sessions at my work (work in the NHS), but that won't take place until 28th June. So I am hoping that that will help me come to terms with things.

    Sorry for such a dower message, but hopefully I will come back soon a bit more cheerier.

    Thanks for all your support.
  • Just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts. For some of us this is such a long and hard journey. Something that should be a happy and natural thing for us turns out to be the hardest thing we have to go through. I think the councelling is a fantastic idea...I hope it gives you comfort.

    I wish you the best....lots of love Tracy xxx
  • Hi

    I'm so sorry for what you are going thru. Sending more cuddles and here for you if you need to talk.

    Love pink xx
  • Hello s-evans

    I am so sad to hear your news and my heart goes out to you. You must feel worn out with the range of emotions you have been through in reent weeks so I am not surprised a few glasses this weekend are in order. Please do look after yourself and OH.

    I also took up the opportunity of some women's health counselling on the NHS after my last mc at the beginning of May and I have to say I have found it helpful so far. Sometimes talking to someone completely neutral is helpful to work through why you feel the way you do. Although tough at times and I have shed many tears this last month again, I feel better for having done so.

    I was referred to the recurrent mc clinic (not st marys sadly as I understand they are very thorough) and have had a heap of bloods taken but nothing is back yet. I found the experience odd as there wasn't that much discussion - more a whole load of questions....and the usual 'you are old' message getting trotted out. I will reserve judgement for when I go back to discuss any results. Failing that I am considering whether to pay to see St mary's...but having spent a fortune on issues between the mcs I am kind of running low on the cash front.

    Do let us know how you are when you are back home. Much love to you both ((((hugs))))

    Apple xxx
  • Oh S-evans I am so sorry hun I was so hoping they were wrong....

    I didn't tell my Mum either about my 2nd and 3rd mc as like yours she was not helpful. I think talking to someone will help for sure and also having some testing done will make you feel like you are doing something positive.

    Thinking of you hun.

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