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Missed miscarriage = in limbo

We found out on Friday that I've had a missed miscarriage, they didn't give us much information at all and I wasn't left feeling 100% convinced so we went for a second opinion private scan yesterday.



Sadly it's been confirmed, she thinks we lost them a couple of weeks ago.



I had decided to book in for an ERPC but the consultant yesterday advised against it on the grounds that as my babies stopped growing at about 6 weeks it shouldn't be too horrific to deal with naturally. She also said that in NHS hospitals it's very often not a consultant who carries out the procedure so the chances of things going wrong are higher than they would be if I just let my body attempt to deal with it.



So, we've decided that I'll give it a week and see what happens, if I've not started bleeding by this time next week I'll book in for an ERPC.



So now I'm just sitting around waiting for my body to realise what it needs to do. And I hate it. I'm no longer pregnant, yet I haven't actually miscarried. It's awful, I'm in limbo and to be totally honest I'm really scared about how it'll be when I do actually miscarry. Pain I can cope with, it's everything else that scares me. I'm trying to be brave, but failing miserably.

Replies

  • Hi

    I am so sorry to hear your sad news and i'm sending a huge virtual hug your way. I know exactly how you feel but please try not worry it all seems very scary but you will get through this. I had my first mc/ aug 2010 when i was 11 weeks but they said the baby stopped growing at about 8 weeks. We were devastated and at first I did choose to have an ERPC as I was very frightened and scared as I didn't have a clue what to expect. I spoke with the gynacologist & then decided to wait for things to happen naturally & they did around 48 hours later. I'm not going to lie it was painful as your tummy does contract but not unbearable & it was all over quite quickly (roughly few hours) and the bleeding eased after I had passed it. I have just had a 2nd m/c 2 weeks ago & this one was very different, the baby stopped growing around 6 weeks & I started to m/c at 8 weeks with very heavy bleeding but no pain whatsoever, I did go to A&E as the bleeding did frighten me but was told all was normal & to expect the bleeding to ease by the next morning (i was heavy bleeding for 10 hours). It did ease and I felt fine physically both times but mentally it has taken a lot longer. I feel for you but it does get easier eventually ( i promise). The second time round I also bled for 2weeks rather heavy afterwards. I hope I have prepared you for either possibility but if you are worried go straight to A&E as did I. I am glad I didn't go through with the ERPC & waited for it to happen natually. I found this website a great help & i didn't realise so many other women had been through the same,



    Lots of love Nicki xxx
  • Thanks Nicki, that's a really useful post. I'd rather be prepared than be caught unawares, so thanks so much.



    And I'm really sorry to read that you've been through it twice yourself.



    Fingers crossed we both get there eventually (although at 43 I know the odds are against me).



    xx
  • Just an update, after much soul-searching we have decided that I won't wait for Mother Nature to do her stuff.

    We spent over 4 hours at the hospital today trying to get booked in for an ERPC - at one point the doctor said that he wasn't 100% sure about what's happened and asked if I would wait a week to see if there's been any growth.



    We've already had 2 scans, the second of which was with a private obs consultant who was 100% definite that out babies stopped a few weeks ago. I can't believe that after spending all weekend trying to get our heads around the fact that we've lost them, he then goes and says that and gives us some hope. Talk about messing with our heads. I made it very clear that we already are 100% definite, as well as the 2 scans my pregnancy symptoms have also gone, even my boobs are rapidly going back to normal and my hair is falling out as much as it ever used to.

    He went to check with a consultant and I said that if he expected us to wait another week, and run the risk of miscarrying at home, which after much thought is exactly what we dont want to happen, then I want blood tests to check my HCG levels.



    After checking with the consultant he came back and said that the consultant is 100% that we've lost them so they can go ahead with the op.

    I'm booked in for tomorrow. Very mixed feelings about it. It'll be a relief to get that side of it over and done with but at the same time it's so sad that our babies won't be in me anymore.



    Anyway, sorry for such a long rambling post, I suppose I just needed to vent a bit. Thanks for listening.
  • I'm so sorry for your losses, losing twins must be awful. I do know how you feel being in limbo, i've had 3 mmc's and the first I wouldn't believe it and waited 2 weeks to see what happened. There was no sign of a natural mc and before I went totally insane I phoned the hospital and asked for an erpc which they did the next day. I must say i've never heard of them being unwilling to perform an erpc if the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks, my first stopped at 8+6 and my 2nd and 3rd both at around 6 weeks. I had an erpc twice and took the medical route the 3rd time. I couldn't cope knowing that I was carrying a baby who had stopped growing so I knew the erpc was best for me, not being awful but I wanted it over and done with so I could start to try and cope with the loss. I only went for the medical route the 3rd time because all my losses occured within 11 months and I didn't know how my body would cope with another erpc.



    I hope everything goes ok tomorrow; try to relax, I know how hard that is, but it is a painless procedure. Has the hospital explained what will happen? With mine I had quite bad af type pains afterwards but nothing that I worried about. Before the op they will insert some pessaries (i'm telling you this because I had no idea and was horrifed when they came to do it), this doesn't hurt at all and they do this to soften the cervix, it makes the op safer.



    I hope i've not scared you, be sure the op is safe, i've had it twice and it really does help you to start to cope with whats happened. If you've got any questions just ask, the ttc after mc/ectopic board is quite busy (unfortunately) and it really does help knowing others are or have been in the same boat. Good luck tomorrow, you can start to come to terms with it when it's over with, and try not to worry, hard as that seems xx
  • Thanks kwn_32, and really to hear that you've been throufh the mill.



    I was well prepared for yesterday, the only thing was that i hadn't warned us that we were slotted into the emergency theatre, so everytime an urgent case came up we got shunted down the list. This is fair enough but would have been easier to deal with if we'd known.



    The op was ok, I was a nervous wreck and almost had a panic attach, I was visibly shaking all over. Had a really rough time in recovery though, I have a really high pain-threshold but really couldn't come with the pain. I was in recovery an hour and forty minutes until they stablised me after 3 massive doses of fentanyl. Most distressing was that they didn't keep my other half informed about what was going on - he'd seen them take the other ERPC lady up after me and she came down about an hour before me so the poor bugger was woried sick about what had gone wrong with me. I knew he'd be worried, in between drifting in / out, and this distressed me even more.

    It was a long, horrid day but was so lovely to come home last night.



    I'm glad we chose the ERPC in the end, I couldn't have coped any longer with the waiting and certainly couldn't have coped with miscarrying at home. I'm glad on one hand that the physical side is pretty much over, but at the same time there is now nothing left, apart from the original scan photos and some medical notes, there's nothing to show that my babies every existed :cry:
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