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blaming myself
Hi,
Just need somewhere to speak. I had a private scan today on my first pregnant as I wasn't sure how far I was (nearly 10 weeks or 13 weeks) and didn't want to miss out on the nhs nuchal test as I am 37 years old.
I could see the sac but there was only a very small bit of grey in there. After what seemed like ages of moving the probe around and trying to hear a heartbeat we got the news that something was wrong and that it was not the size of a 10 week baby (I am definite it is not earlier than that). I am now waiting to ring the EPU on monday for a scan to confirm. I was doubting my dates thinking I was later as my pregnancy symptoms had reduced considerably over the last 10 day, my breast have not been as sore etc, but thought it might be the placenta taking over as I have read about.
I cannot stop crying and although I know everyone will say it is not my fault I can't help thinking that going on holiday from 6-8 weeks(it was booked and paid for and our only holiday) has contributed. Maybe I was too hot - I don't know. Sorry for the rambling post I feel so lost
Just need somewhere to speak. I had a private scan today on my first pregnant as I wasn't sure how far I was (nearly 10 weeks or 13 weeks) and didn't want to miss out on the nhs nuchal test as I am 37 years old.
I could see the sac but there was only a very small bit of grey in there. After what seemed like ages of moving the probe around and trying to hear a heartbeat we got the news that something was wrong and that it was not the size of a 10 week baby (I am definite it is not earlier than that). I am now waiting to ring the EPU on monday for a scan to confirm. I was doubting my dates thinking I was later as my pregnancy symptoms had reduced considerably over the last 10 day, my breast have not been as sore etc, but thought it might be the placenta taking over as I have read about.
I cannot stop crying and although I know everyone will say it is not my fault I can't help thinking that going on holiday from 6-8 weeks(it was booked and paid for and our only holiday) has contributed. Maybe I was too hot - I don't know. Sorry for the rambling post I feel so lost
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Replies
Look after yourself...Tracy xxxx
Just wanted to say - please don't blame yourself. I've just got back from my local EPU and I was seen by the consultant, big boss lady. She told me at least twice not to blame myself and told me that nearly all MCs are down to chromosomal abnormalities - it's your body's way of saying that this baby wasn't quite right. I know that doesn't bring back your baby but please don't think this is something you did.
I am really sorry this has happened - I am sending you big hugs, I am right there with you. I cried all the way home on the bus, didn't care that people were looking at me. I am at home now with my furry babies (my kitties who know that something isn't right and all cuddled up with me). Be kind to yourself, all these feelings are normal. You are mourning the loss of your baby and all the hopes you had invested in it.
This has happened to me three times now. It will happen for us, be kind to yourself and accept your emotions - they are entirely normal.
Will be thinking of you.
PP X
Im so confussed with what to do now as my bleeding only lasted 2 days and im worried that it isnt complete and i might get an infection or something. The doctor etc werent helpful at all and havent even checked me out. They just talked to me on the phone and when i said that i had grayish clots (sorry if tmi) they just said "its a mc, dont worry im sure everything will be fine next time". As if that helps. I wanted this baby, thinking about next time doesnt help me now.
My fiance is devestated! I feel awful that it was me that put him through that. I know i shouldnt think like that but i gottipsy when my little bean needed me.
Im sorry that this has to happen to any1.
It seems unfair to me that there isnt more help and that people arent more understanding.
I wish my midwife had talked to me more as i was only 6 weeks so we hadnt told any1 yet, we were planning to ask for a scan b4 xmas and if we didnt get one we were going to pay for it. Then get loads of copys and tape them inside xmas cards to give our familys and close friends. I know that all I will be thinking of on christmas is how empty i feel.
Sorry to go on, just needed to get it all out.
Hugs
xXx