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Overwhelming feelings of it's never going to happen....... :-(
I just can't seem to shake it at the moment after three pregnancies and three missed miscarriages I just can't see an end to this misery and heartache and it seems more and more possible I may come out of all this with nothing!!!
I go back to liverpools womens hospital on the 6th of feb and I am hopeful they may have some answers but I can't seem to get myself from this dark place I am in.
I used to love live, be so full of energy and motivated to do everything but now I just wanted to do nothing, getting up for work is a challenge at the moment.... When will this end????
Sorry for depressing post I just feel blue
I go back to liverpools womens hospital on the 6th of feb and I am hopeful they may have some answers but I can't seem to get myself from this dark place I am in.
I used to love live, be so full of energy and motivated to do everything but now I just wanted to do nothing, getting up for work is a challenge at the moment.... When will this end????
Sorry for depressing post I just feel blue
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Replies
I am sending you a huge hug. Please don't feel you are alone in feeling this way and don't apologise - you certainly aren't alone. I completely understand what you have expressed and empathise with you (I have just lost my fourth even with medication this time and am due to go into hospital later for an erpc tomorrow as nothing is happening).
Hopefully the appointment will give you time to discuss any questions you may have and I siuggest you sytart a list (I always end up forgetting things). Have you already been tested for any of the losses or is this appointment to discuss this?
It might be worth asking if there is any sort of health counselling available - it might be good to simply talk about how you are feeling to someone? It will get better in time, but we just have to work our way through this pain first.
Sending virtual hugs to you
Apple x
What medication did they have you on???
I had all the normal tests after my third MC at local hospital and they said all was normal, just bad luck keep trying... I wasnt happy with that and so got a referal to Liverpool Womens Hospital. I wne in October and they took a load of blood from me and are doing some more in depth tests?? and I go back in Feb for the results and or options as to what to do next, they mentined Aspirin, Progesterone when pregnant and some injections if needed?????
Think I am goingto ask about my Rehus Negative Blood and the Natural Killer Cell stuff......
Hope all goes okay tomorrow, I hate how life can be so cruel, I really feel for you.
I am 35 on the 1st of Feb and I had my fist scan on my birthday two years ago to discover no heartbeat, and also my chances of miscarriage go up when I turn 35 also..... I just cant see an end to al this at the moment.....
Plus CD1 today
Well in some respects if nothing has been found so far, that is honestly good - although I am sure and do understand it doesn't feel like that to you at the moment. Don't forget other ladies on here have had three and have now gone on successfully - look at kwn she is doing really well this pregnancy, so please don't lose heart. Although you are turning 35, please don't feel all is lost you are still young (truly) - once you get to my age (42 now and been trying 3 years) then I think its time to be concerned!
So it sounds like you should have some more answers in a few weeks either way with your next appointment. All those meds you mentioned are familiar but it will depend on what they think could be causing the issues for you. Word of caution, a lot of palces don't do the natural killer cells testing - so don't be too surprised if you get a blank look about this one.
AFM, the testing showed I had a thyroid problem (so am now on thyroxine) and also that I over clot during pregnancy (I have factor v leiden but interestingly not anti phospholipid syndrome). I also have low progesterone. So basically with this pregnancy, I was taking steroids (to cover any immune type problems), progesterone and I was injecting daily with heparin but I wasn't allowed aspirin because of another health issue that I have. Sadly it wasn't to be again - as with the last three beans, I get to see a heart beat at around 6.5 weeks size and then it dies the following week so I do not understand what is going wrong. All of the last three have been slow growing too when my bloods were taken so I really feel I need to speak to someone - but the consultant last week told me simply he didn't know what to say.
You are probably also feeling a little cd one-ish if you know what I mean so don't be too hard on yourself. Are you and your OH still supporting eachother ok and talking? Try and be kind to eachother as we all handle this differently and keep in touch - I remember you from before.
I will log on again when I get home from hsopital over the weekend. In the mean time, take care of you
Apple xxx
Liverpool seem so far to be very good, they told me to make contact straight away after a positive test and then they will start testing and doing what ever necessary to ensure baby sticks around but I do know there are no gaurentees!!!!!
I hate the person I have become, depressed, obsessed, unmotivated and just no fun to be around. Hubby is really trying to help but thinks I can just switch off somehow (if only)!!!!!! We do talk and we are not letting it come between us but it is hard, we have no sex life anymore, just sex to try for a baby.... It's so sad really
I have had some counselling but it's not really for me, i know the only thing that will help is having a healthy baby!!!!
Do you have any children or are you trying for number one???
Hope tonight wasn't to painful. Thanks for the support x
i no how you must be feeling. try and stay positive if you can and don't stop dreaming x x
How are you? Have posted on ttc as well but just wanted to check in on you here.
I am still trying for number one - so feel pretty low after four losses over the last 2 years, so I do empthaise with the feelings you expressed.
That sounds what should happen (re liverpool) - there is a lot of research which shows plenty of tlc and support has a great bearing on future pregnancies. Perhaps if things are becoming too mechanical (iykwim) maybe a short break from ttc of a few weeks might help to make things fun again? Its good that you are both talking though - thats so important as I think men don't really get the range of emotions we go through.
Booey - how are you? I followed your story some months back on the other thread and wondered how you were doing. From your signature I can see things may be unsettled - is this a definite decision, or just a quesiton of needing more time?
Apple xx
not too gate crash thread. .
but yes its defiante. oh did change mind and now i come round to that way of thinking also. guess i had too. .
but Im fine. . its tough at times, i can't let go of its not gonna happen naturally so we decide to try for another yeah lol yes i no its crazy but miracle does happen to some people
So still in the dark as to what is going on!!!!
How are you??
Apple how are you doing???
Booey, it's amazing after everything you have been through that you are still so positive.... Well done you, I need to find my positivity!!!
So sorry to hear about the delay to the appointment, but hopefully you will get some answers when you do get to see the consultant. Just make sure that you write down any questions that DH has and take them with you...........is there anyone else that you might think would be helpful to take with you?
I am ok I suppose. My scan has been moved forward to Monday as doctor gave in and agreed he was disappointed to see how much was left on the other scan I had last week. They are hoing that I will pass it all naturally, but I can't say much is happening and I still got a BFP this morning nearly 2 weeks post the op. I just hope it doesn't mean a second erpc.....
Come on - me and you need to be positive together.......
I hope you don't mind me joining also. I know what you are going through, and it is awful. I have had 4 early miscarriages now. My husband and I have been ttc since April 2010, so coming up to 2 years. Had nothing until Jan 2011, when first bfp, but a week later I began to bleed. Then March and June the same thing happened. The June time was so cruel as was supporting someone to go for an ultrasound (not pregnancy related) and began to bleed whilst in the hospital, around all the happy couples waiting for their scans. Awful. Then I was referred to gynaecology, and had first appt in Nov 2011. Had 6 months of ttc with nothing, then in Jan this year again fell pregnant. Went straight in for hcg level testing 48 hours apart, and was told I would miscarry again, and sure enough 2 days later I did
I have now just started on Metformin, which I must try for 3 months, then maybe clomid also?
Have had all tests done, except husband's bloods as he has a phobia of needles and fainted.
They think I have PCOS, but seem to be ovulating. I think they are looking at improving the quality of my eggs.
Anyway, sorry to go on about myself, but just wanted to say that I am here if you need to talk xxx
yes, all my miscarriages have been really early - either a week after AF was due, or just a few days, but each time I knew I was pregnant because of tender breasts, smells and other things.
I am not 100% sure what my bloods said, but I have had 2 day 21 progesterone samples taken - the first was low (in Dec when I last conceived) and then the one last month was excellent apparently - so annoying we didnt even bother trying last month as I knew I would be getting treatment. I still dont know the results of my day 1-5 test as only had that done when I went for my appt on 6th feb. I think that is to see if the pcos is affecting me.
I know she was planning to put me on clomid, but then at my appt she said she wanted to try the metformin first to see if that works, and if not, then add in clomid. I think (but I'm not really an expert!) that the pcos is meaning my eggs dont mature properly, and hence the reason I am miscarrying?
I'm going away today for a week, but will try and check on my phone. I really hope you find out soon what is going on - I cant imagine how hard it must be for you, as I have only had early miscarriges