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Just had a MMC... I feel so CRUSHED!!

I should have been 12 weeks and 3 days today.  So, over the weekend I began to have some light bleeding.  My OB wasn't open so I rushed to the hospital.  A nurse used the Doppler on me to check for a heartbeat and claims she found one.  The doctor checked me out and said it was pretty unlikely that I had a miscarriage because there was little blood, but I should still contact my OB on Monday.  Needless to say, my husband and I left so happy and relieved.  Come Monday though, I still contacted my OB, and went there later that day.  A nurse, again, uses a Doppler to find a heartbeat; nothing.  The doctor comes in and performs an ultrasound, and I knew right away that the fetus had passed.  The thing is, it had been gone since 9 weeks.   I can't even properly convey how devastated my husband and I were, especially after hearing, just the day before, that our baby had a heartbeat!!  I chose to take pills (orally, cytotec) to pass everything after the doctor assured me when I passed the fetus it would resemble nothing but a grey and tan clump.  I took the pills when I got home, and nothing happened for nearly 2 hours then suddenly, I felt a huge gush of blood and felt a huge clump pass, all into my pad.  I go to the restroom to change and when I look at the contents on the pad, lo and behold, there is my baby, intact, little eyes, little hands, fingers, feet and toes and about an inch long.  If I hadn't lost it already, I REALLY lost it at that moment. I think I will always be haunted by the sight.  After a night of mental, emotional, and physical (vicodin didn't do a thing for the pain) pain, I have only two more pills until this part is through.  But I feel so LOST and absolutely CRUSHED!!  This was my first pregnancy and the future seemed so bright!!  I'm only 22, and I have to wonder if there's something wrong with me.  Is it normal to lose your first, especially when you're so young?  We had a ultrasound and 8 weeks and 5 days and there was a strong heartbeat, 168.  What could have went wrong?  What do I do now?  I feel so empty and wrong now that I'm no longer pregnant.  Do I even DARE to try again?


  • I am very sorry for you loss and I know there is nothing that I can say that will help, but know that you're not completely alone.  I lost my first when I thought I was 10 weeks (baby only developed to 6 weeks 3 days). My second I lost at 11 weeks 6 days. I was in the hospital so I had the option of not seeing, so I cannot imagine how hard that was for you.  With my second I saw a healthy heartbeat at 8 weeks 4 days.  Both we're heartbreaking.  I know what I wanted most was an explaination and there was none.  With my first miscarraige I was 25 and with my second i was 26, not as young as you, but still young and healthy. This is unfortunately just one of those things that happens to some women regardless of how right you do everything in the pregnancy.  Give yourself time to cope and you will likely find that you will want to try again.  It painful now, but it does get better.
  • I just wanted to say I'm so very sorry xxxx
  • Thank you for the kind replies.  It's been so, so hard. 

  • you poor thing, I can only imagine how you must be feeling! there is no explanation and there won't have been anything you could have done, it's just natures way! I hope you have family around you to support you at this sad and emotional time xx

  • poppy i knw how you feel and you will not forget even if you can get preg now that child wont replace tht one you alredy lost. this pain wont go away u gonna leave with it until u die, you will always asking god why you, its hard now tht you know therez no baby in your tommy, you will ask your yourself what went wrong its not your fault i lost to babies and anybaby wont replace the onces tht i already lost. im trying again i dnt knw what will happen as its not easy to try it may take 7 years to get preg again im still young they say bt thats not the reason for loosing my baby. be strong but dont try to forget because you will never forget

  • Hi Poppy, I've just gone through a similar experience. My 12 week scan showed that my baby died at 8 weeks and 5 days, I was given a choice and opted for surgery which was also an emotionally painful option as you're put in waiting rooms and wards with people that are still pregnant etc. I also feel completly crushed, I keep looking back and wondering if it was my fault, if there is more that I could have done. I know deep down that "these things happen" but the statistics don't make it feel any better - I'll never forget looking at that scan screen and seeing a big empty space where my baby should have been. My husband wants to TTC as soon as we can but I feel scared that it will happen again, like I'm cruelly trying to replach the baby that did't live and like any pregnancy joy will be overshadowed by what has already happened.

  • Aww I'm sorry for you both.  I'm not sure how recent it was for you, but with time you most likely will want to try again.  I've had over a year since my most recent miscarriage and I can honestly say that I've accepted it.  I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, but time does help heal.

    Newbie, I'm with you on the stats thing.  Nothing was more annoying to me then reading them to hear that I was just one of the unlucky ones (one of the unlucky ones cruel).  I stopped looking at the stats and looked at what the future could offer me.

  • Hello, reading this makes me so, so sad. I'm terribly sorry to hear what you've been through. I had an early scan at 9 weeks and everything was fine and then at a routine 12 week scan in November there was no heartbeat. image I chose to go into hospital, and had a similar experience to Newbie, I had to sit in a waiting room full of ladies waiting for various gynae appointments, laughing and giggling away about having their coils fitted etc. Although I didn't want THEM to know what I was going through, or be sympathetic, it would have been nice for the nurses to maybe put me somewhere quiet where I could be emotional in peace.

    I'm only 23 and like you, I am still so confused as to why this would happen. I can find some comfort in thinking that if the baby's life was to be so substantially terrible when it was born, maybe this was the lesser of two evils? It is hard to be told it is 'one of those things' and that doesn't help much.

    My husband was happy to try again, We took things steady and now I'm 14 weeks pregnant. I don't know if it was just too quick or if I would have felt like this in say, 10 years but I'm ever so anxious. I'd say try again when YOU are ready, after all, you are the one that will be pregnant and have so much going on mentally/physically.

    I wish you (and the other ladies here) lots of luck and big hugs. Things will be okay, I hope you've got someone close you can talk to, if you ever need a chat I'm here. xxx
  • Thank you Mrs Watson your comments are really sweet and very encouraging. To be quite honest I can't wait around too long to try again as I'll be 37 in July! The good news is that my period started yesterday so things seem to be back to normal after the surgery. Emotions still feel a little raw so maybe I'll let this cycle pass and see how we feel in another month.

    Thanks for everybodies kind comments it really helps to hear positive news from people that have gone though a similar experience


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