Just had a MMC... I feel so CRUSHED!!
I should have been 12 weeks and 3 days today. So, over the weekend I began to have some light bleeding. My OB wasn't open so I rushed to the hospital. A nurse used the Doppler on me to check for a heartbeat and claims she found one. The doctor checked me out and said it was pretty unlikely that I had a miscarriage because there was little blood, but I should still contact my OB on Monday. Needless to say, my husband and I left so happy and relieved. Come Monday though, I still contacted my OB, and went there later that day. A nurse, again, uses a Doppler to find a heartbeat; nothing. The doctor comes in and performs an ultrasound, and I knew right away that the fetus had passed. The thing is, it had been gone since 9 weeks. I can't even properly convey how devastated my husband and I were, especially after hearing, just the day before, that our baby had a heartbeat!! I chose to take pills (orally, cytotec) to pass everything after the doctor assured me when I passed the fetus it would resemble nothing but a grey and tan clump. I took the pills when I got home, and nothing happened for nearly 2 hours then suddenly, I felt a huge gush of blood and felt a huge clump pass, all into my pad. I go to the restroom to change and when I look at the contents on the pad, lo and behold, there is my baby, intact, little eyes, little hands, fingers, feet and toes and about an inch long. If I hadn't lost it already, I REALLY lost it at that moment. I think I will always be haunted by the sight. After a night of mental, emotional, and physical (vicodin didn't do a thing for the pain) pain, I have only two more pills until this part is through. But I feel so LOST and absolutely CRUSHED!! This was my first pregnancy and the future seemed so bright!! I'm only 22, and I have to wonder if there's something wrong with me. Is it normal to lose your first, especially when you're so young? We had a ultrasound and 8 weeks and 5 days and there was a strong heartbeat, 168. What could have went wrong? What do I do now? I feel so empty and wrong now that I'm no longer pregnant. Do I even DARE to try again?