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Please help - finding it hard to cope after mc

Hi ladies,

I've had a missed miscarriage in April and finding it very hard to cope. We started ttc as soon as my bleeding stopped but AF arrived every month so far. The D&C messed my cycles up and I went from 26 day regular cycles to 32days (1st cycle after mc), 35days (last month) and I'm on CD30 today and no sign of AF yet. I do not know who to talk to, my parter si fed up with me talking about it all the time and my mum just said:'Don't worry, your time will come. It will happen when it is meant to happen!' - I was like mum, you especially know how it hurts cos you lost your first baby too and you say this to me? (she knows I'm desperate to get pregnant again and her comments are not helping at ALL)

I feel really low and I don't know what to do.

Can anyone help / advise please?

Thank you xxxx



  • Hi SweetJudy, really sorry for your loss hun. I've been ttc now for 12 months, & have just had my 2nd mc. Like you I am used to people telling me that it will happen when it happens. I think it goes into the list of being one of the hardest things to hear.

    Are you using ov sticks, or anything to chart your progress every month? Also, are you taking a pregnancy vitamin? Not sure how much these aid us in ttc, but I find that they do give me a bit more confidence in knowing that I am doing as much as I can to help. 

    I totally understand how low you feel, I am still having good days & bad, but I do find that the thing that has helped the most is talking to ladies on here who know exactly what I am going through. x x

  • Hello Supastar1501,

    Thanks for your response and I'm really sorry to hear about your MCs image 

    That is the reason I signed up, I read a couple of threads on this forum and noticed that everybody was being extremely helpful and understanding - just what we need after what we've been through.

    I am using the Clearblue digital ovulation kits and taking Pregnacare. I even bought the conception version this month image I have never tried charting but will try next month. I am going to buy a thermometer and a chart of Amazon today image

    Is your partner sick of hearing about all this as well? I feel like I'm getting too obsessed, but can't help it image


  • Yes he is. I've even got him telling me it will happen when it happens, though I suppose its hard for them to get their heads around, as its not just black & white. My oh is also questioning why I find the idea of being around pregnant family members so hard, which I thought would be pretty obvious, but hey. Let me know how u get on with the charting. I dont think I'd remember to check mine, so no good for me. I'll start the vitamins shortly, & then think about ttc again.  To be honest I think we all get obsessed, but its not like we can think about anything else really. Have you got any children already? x x

  • Hey Supastar1501,

    I know exactly how you feel. My partner even told me that he did not want me talk about it anymore cos he was getting annoyed - oh well, thanks! 

    I do not have any other children image We sort of waited because we wanted to ensure that we had a good financial backup before we started trying for a baby - I will only get the basic maternity pay so wanted to have at least 10K saved up as a backup and so I could maintain my lifestyle while on maternity leave ha ha. I got pregnant after 1 month of trying and sadly lost it in April imageimage Thought it was easy to get pregnant cos it happened so fast the first time - well, now I know that it is not easy at all!!!

    I do not like being around pregnany ladies either, just reminds me of what I've lost image Hopefully it will get better soon. Think I need to go to the gym and punch the hell out of the punch bag ha ha

    Have you got any children already?


  • Yes, I've got a daughter who will be 4 next month. I am starting to wish I hadn't left it so long after my first, but I dont think I could of afforded two in nursery. I thought it would be easy too. we weren't even trying when I fell, but my what a happy accident. completely sailed thru that pregnancy, so never in a million years thought a mc would happen to me, never mind 2 in a row. Fc it will be 3rd time lucky. My oh just doesn't know what to say, so tends to say nothing. Totally drives me crazy x x

  • I know the feeling, my partner tends to pull a very uninterested face every time I talk about ttc and the mc - annoying and not helpful at all. He was so irritating today, I wanted to punch him ha ha. I think af is going to pay me a visit soon cos I'm very irritable today and also very emotional image

    Awww, at least you already have a beautiful little princess image I will keep my fingers crossed for you hun, nobody deserves to suffer like this and nobody deserves to go through this once, never mind twice! Life is cruel!!!

    I really hope that you will get some good news very soon, you deserve it!


  • Hi girls i feel your pain i have good days and 99% of the time in fine but its just that split second or i see some thing and i feel all the pain again, i should of had my 12 week scan next week instead il be seeing iv i get a positive result!

    I know its wishful thinking but its all i have at the moment.

    I have my little boy almost a year old who is my world and has made my recovry a little less painful xxx

  • Hi Sarah,

    Good luck and I hopeyou get your BFP next week. I stopped hoping now to be honest image At the moment I'm just wishing for af to turn up so I can start ttc again - sounds odd, but I'm sick of waiting now image Bought a ovulation kit and bbt thermometer and will start charting next month.

    You are lucky to have your little boy chick xxxx

    Good luck and keep us updated xxx

  • Hi sweety thanks babe but im sure my AF is gonna turn up i did a test this morning with my 1ft pee and nothing image

    Think maybe i was getting my hopes up a bit tooo much xxx

  • Hey Sarah,

    Oh noooo imageimage With my pregnancy in Feb, I tested on the day af was due and got a BFN and 4 days later I got a faint positive. So, you never know, it might be the same for you.


  • I hope so when i fell last time i tested day before and got a positive maybe this time i just did it a bit to early....

    Will be happy when i can get some first response test as they where sold out in shop last week x

  • Good luck Sarah. I'm still getting positives after my mc. Gota go back for another blood test if I dont have a negative before next weekend image x x

  • Supastar1501, 

    Oh nooo, I hope you get a negative soon so you can start ttc again!

    Sarah, good luck hun

    I'm on CD33 today, no sign of AF or pregnancy symptoms apart from ocassional tiredness and cramping. I assume the 'witch' is going to show her face at some point this week. I kinda wish it would hurry up so I can start ttc again. Mega emotional today thou image


  • Hi superstar bless you huni i cant offer any advice as i was all clear with in 3 days of lossing my little bean xx

    All i can say is i hope the docs can get you sorted out soon, is there a chance you could be pregnant again already? I have read a few post about ladies having a m/c and being pregnant 4 to 5 weeks after xx

    Hi sweetjudy still no sign of AF either image was going to go into town early this morning but sisnt get to bed till 4am due to my little boy not being to well, he was up every hour.

    So will have to wait not till tomoz morning i think, as i was in and out of the loo all night image

    Just want to know either way now so i can either start again or relax a bit xx

  • Hi Ladies,

    I lost my 1st baby at 7 weeks back in March image, we had been trying for 2years and fell on clomid as i have PCOS. Since mc my cycles have been a bit all over the place even on the clomid. I'm just waiting for af to show up on this current cycle but I've only one more cycle left of clomid and then back to the fertility clinic for IVF prob.

    My brothers wife has just had a baby and my hubby's sis is preg with her 2nd kid in sep so its really hard for me. 2 women at my work are also preg too image. Keep thinking-it's supposed to be me next so isn't it?! I'm struggling to cope someimes.

    Said to hubby yesterday "do you blame me for jinxing things?" He said no, but i asked becasue when we found out he said he didn't want to tell anyone because it might jinx it, but i was so excited i did tell and then we lost it. Heart breaks.

    Sweetjudy i think your OH might be saying to you that he doesnt want to hear you talk about it coz he finds it as painful as you do. I know when i try and talk about it to my OH he doesn't like to talk about iti think for men its a case of 'if i don't talk about it, it didn't happen'. But us women need o talk and express how we feel as a way of coping and getting through the grief.


  • Hello Wifey image

    Thanks for joining our discussion and I'm really sorry to hear about your mc. At one point I thought that it was easy to get pregnant, I was sooooo wrong!!! You definitely did not jinx anything, it was not your fault! I wanted to wait before we told anyone, but my partner could not wait and told his entire family - bess him. When I saw my midwife she said: 'the first 12 weeks are critical but every day is a bonus!' And I remembered that. I counted days and weeks and when I got to week 13 I said to my partner: 'We've done it! We are over the worst bit!' I was wrong again!!! My first scan was arranged for week 14 (pretty late, I know), but my bleeding started at week 13 so had to go to A&E. I did try to think positive, but deep down I knew that there was something wrong. I was really emotional the night before and had a go at my hubby, saying that he did not deserve a child - God, it sounded so nasty and I really did not mean it. 

    I think you are right, because he told me to stop bringing it up and move on. But it is not easy, I need to talk about it even if it breaks my heart every time I think about it!

    How is your husband dealing with everything?

    I cannot imagine how you are feeling, especially if you have been trying for so long! But I know what it means to want it soooooo bad that you would do anything in this world to guarantee it happening.

    Was this your first baby?

    I really hope that it happens for you soon, you deserve it after what you've been through.


  • Hi,

    losing a baby at 7weeks was hard but i can't even begin to know how you must feel after feeling like you were past the "safe point".Is there such a thing? I'm very sorry for your loss.

    Yes it was our 1st baby. We had gone out and started looking at prams etc and although i was excited i was so scared the whole time that something would go wrong and then it did. I sometimes feel like i made it happen becuase i thought about it going wrong so much, although i know that its not my fault I can't help beat myself up over it.

    It breaks my heart too every time I think about it. Sometimes a tear will just slip out and roll down my cheek when something reminds me of it (googd or bad). image

    My hubby is dealing wih it in his typical man way and doesn't like to talk about it. Although he is  much more positive person than me and is very much of the "it will happen to us". He finds it hard to say the right thing to me sometimes though and I tend to let things build up inside of me and then it bursts out. He hates seeing me cry.

    Thank you, i hope so too, and I hope it happens for you soo too

    ***Baby Dust*** xxxxx

  • Hi Wifey,

    OMG we did the same. I felt very ill for a few days so we kinda knew that I was pregnant so went to the Trafford Centre and started looking at prams - I was only weeks then image I have tested a few different prams over the weeks and picked the one we both loved. 

    I was the same, I kept saying - if everything goes well ..... Looking back, I feel like I knew that it was not going to happen. My mum lost her first and my nan lost one and had an ectopic too so I expected to lose my first one - negative thinking is not good and now I'm thinking have I called this upon myself?

    I do cry a lot,in bed at night when nobody can see me or in the car on the way to work. I feel like I'm not allowed to cry at home image

    It will all get better hun, one day but it still hurts. When I left the hospital I had 4 days before the surgery and the closer it got to Monday (the day of surgery) the more I did not want to let them take my baby away from me imageimage

    We need to think positive from now on and hopefully it will happen soon


  • imageimage

    I don't know what to say, except to send a whole heap of baby dust to all you ladies who have faced loss xxxxx

  • Hello ladies, I used to come on here when I was ttc after my mac and I found it such a great support.  I got pregnanta fairly soon only to have a mac in June 2010,  then it took me 18months to get my bfp, after being diagnosed with mild pros and being prescribed clomid.  I know exactly how you ladies feel, I hated well meant comments and seeing pregnant women and would cry everytime a friend told she was pregnant.  I suppose what I'm trying to say is don't give up hope it will happen for you. My daughter will be 1 next month.  I never thought I would be a mum and feel so blessed.  You all will hold your babies soon I'm sure.  Sending you ll lots of any dust xxxx

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