Coping, first pregnancy ends in miscarriage
Hi all. First I'd like to thank everyone for sharing their story. It has truly helped me get through this tough time. I'm sorry for anyone who has lost, I now understand what an awful experience it is. I wish you all the best in your future pregnancies
Well, here's my story...I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant on 10/04/13. It was an unplanned pregnancy but both my partner and I were ecstatic and immediately told our families. I had already thought about what life was going to be like and bought pregnancy pillows and books to start on. It all started on 10/06/2013. I had EXTREME abdominal and lower back pain while trying to go to bed. It was so painful to the point I was in tears and had to use a heating pad. I knew something wasn't right but did not worry too much considering I did not have any bleeding.The next morning I felt great, and eventually forgot about the cramping; Then after coming back from lunch at work, I had bright red spotting. Immediately I left crying to the ER. They ran many tests that were awful! Eventually after 4 long, grueling hours, I was diagnosed with a "threatened miscarriage." I had a HCG of 4. Wasn't familiar with the chart but the doctor explained to me that it wasn't good. Either I was super super early in the pregnancy (which was very unlikely) or I was going through a miscarriage. He checked my sonogram to confirm there was no sac. He then told me I was okay to leave and told me everything will be okay. I left the hospital with so many questions and so confused. I knew a HCG level of 4 meant not pregnant but couldn't grasp the fact I had or was going to lose our baby.
A few hours later, I had my miscarriage. It was the worst experience of my life. I had to have my boyfriend go to the bathroom with me because I was too afraid of what I would see. I have been having lots of bleeding with many clots since then. Took a pregnancy test right after, came out negative. I've been bleeding ever since and it's just a constant reminder of losing our baby. I don't understand how I became so attached in such this short period of time. I only knew I was pregnant for a few days, but feel as if I'm grieving over a lost child. My symptoms automatically went away and it just kills me. Today is my first day back at work and I have been on the verge of tears all day, it's so hard and I feel like no one understands why....
Anyway, my questions for everyone are first how long did it take before the bleeding stopped and how long until I will be on my normal cycle again? Did you eventually get over the emotional pain and go on to have healthy pregnancies after?
After our lose I have never wanted a baby so bad in my life. My boyfriend wants to wait for "the right time" but I am convinced there is never a right time. I am ready to try again but he is not. I feel so selfish for this but I feel like our time is ticking (even though we are both so young). We have a very big age gap between us, he is 32 and I am 21. We have been together for three years now and this was our first pregnancy for both of us. I know it may seem like we have all the time in the world to plan this, but I feel the opposite. My parents had me late in life (40 & 46) and this was really hard for me growing up. I worry about my parents health constantly, even as a kid. I don't want to put my children through that. I also can't stop thinking about my parents not being able to see their grandchildren grow up. My sister is 35 years old and has four beautiful children who have a very strong bond with my parents. I want my children to experience this as well. It's just really tough... I want my boyfriend to be on board with trying, but don't want to push anything. I need advice.
I go in for my HCG test this afternoon. I am still paying for a miracle, but realize