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Coping, first pregnancy ends in miscarriage

Hi all. First I'd like to thank everyone for sharing their story. It has truly helped me get through this tough time. I'm sorry for anyone who has lost, I now understand what an awful experience it is. I wish you all the best in your future pregnancies image

Well, here's my story...I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant on 10/04/13. It was an unplanned pregnancy but both my partner and I were ecstatic and immediately told our families. I had already thought about what life was going to be like and bought pregnancy pillows and books to start on. It all started on 10/06/2013. I had EXTREME abdominal and lower back pain while trying to go to bed. It was so painful to the point I was in tears and had to use a heating pad. I knew something wasn't right but did not worry too much considering I did not have any bleeding.The next morning I felt great, and eventually forgot about the cramping; Then after coming back from lunch at work, I had bright red spotting. Immediately I left crying to the ER. They ran many tests that were awful! Eventually after 4 long, grueling hours, I was diagnosed with a "threatened miscarriage." I had a HCG of 4. Wasn't familiar with the chart but the doctor explained to me that it wasn't good. Either I was super super early in the pregnancy (which was very unlikely) or I was going through a miscarriage. He checked my sonogram to confirm there was no sac. He then told me I was okay to leave and told me everything will be okay. I left the hospital with so many questions and so confused. I knew a HCG level of 4 meant not pregnant but couldn't grasp the fact I had or was going to lose our baby.

A few hours later, I had my miscarriage. It was the worst experience of my life. I had to have my boyfriend go to the bathroom with me because I was too afraid of what I would see. I have been having lots of bleeding with many clots since then. Took a pregnancy test right after, came out negative. I've been bleeding ever since and it's just a constant reminder of losing our baby. I don't understand how I became so attached in such this short period of time. I only knew I was pregnant for a few days, but feel as if I'm grieving over a lost child. My symptoms automatically went away and it just kills me. Today is my first day back at work and I have been on the verge of tears all day, it's so hard and I feel like no one understands why....

Anyway, my questions for everyone are first how long did it take before the bleeding stopped and how long until I will be on my normal cycle again? Did you eventually get over the emotional pain and go on to have healthy pregnancies after?

After our lose I have never wanted a baby so bad in my life. My boyfriend wants to wait for "the right time" but I am convinced there is never a right time. I am ready to try again but he is not. I feel so selfish for this but I feel like our time is ticking (even though we are both so young). We have a very big age gap between us, he is 32 and I am 21. We have been together for three years now and this was our first pregnancy for both of us. I know it may seem like we have all the time in the world to plan this, but I feel the opposite. My parents had me late in life (40 & 46) and this was really hard for me growing up. I worry about my parents health constantly, even as a kid. I don't want to put my children through that. I also can't stop thinking about my parents not being able to see their grandchildren grow up. My sister is 35 years old and has four beautiful children who have a very strong bond with my parents. I want my children to experience this as well. It's just really tough... I want my boyfriend to be on board with trying, but don't want to push anything. I need advice.

I go in for my HCG test this afternoon. I am still paying for a miracle, but realize


  • Hi Kimborobo,

    Firstly, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks (baby died between 6-7 weeks) so I completely understand the pain you are feeling. All I can say is that it will get better. The best advice I was given was to think in e.g. 5 years, you will have a child. You will love that child so very much, and if this pregnancy had been ok you would never have had the child you will love so much in the future. Sadly, the stats for mc's are so high image it's such an emotional experience and I'm sure every woman who goes through one will never enjoy a pregnancy as we'll all be freaking out about what could happen.

    Bleeding wise, my situation was completely different to yours; I had medical management to induce miscarriage because my body didn't know Bean had died. My body didn't shift all the tissue unti after my 2nd post miscarriage period. So I had the med management on 8 July, but only completed the mc last month! I don't think that's too common. If you bleed heavily even though the mc is over, you should visit the doc to make sure there's no retained tissue. Otherwise just wait for your 1st period - the body uses this as a sort of 'clear out' sesh so things should improve after that. (As I said above, I was still spotting after my 1st period and therefore didn't lose all my tissue until my 2nd period, but touch wood all seems ok now)

    Regarding trying again, maybe try not to focus too much on trying again until your body is ready. The situation is fresh for both you and your partner so you should both grieve for as long as you need to. If you feel ready emotionally once your body is ready, maybe then ask again if he wants to reconsider.

    Sorry again for your loss, hope your body gets better quickly which will help you to begin moving on xxx

  • Hi both of u, I'm so sorry to hear what u have been through. image, I am currently in the process of goin through a missed miscarriage at 10 wks. They think my baby died at around 3-4weeks or so or maybe never even started growing image but I'm only just realising it now. I have been bleeding lightly for 6 days now but no idea how long it will go on for. I have to go back for another scan on the 28th but I'm sure that will confirm that the baby hasn't grown and no heart beat. Even tho I am praying for a miracle. I can't believe this is happening as Me and my bf wanted this sooooo much as it's out first. I've been reading how common it is but doesn't make it any easier. I came across this post whilst searching the internet for any miscarriage help forums or tips on how to get thru this v difficult time image(( I guess everyone gets over it in their own time. I'm thinking of goin back to work tomorrow but still very tearful. Sorry if this brings back memories of yr time but nice to meet people who have gone thru the same thing and can help each other x
  • Tracy I'm so sorry image it is really hard to go through, be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve. It's completely up to you if you want to go back to work, but if you're feeling teary it might not be the best idea.

    Thinking of you, the waiting is the worst part of it. I hope the next couple of days go quickly for you. Regardless of how things turn out, remember everything passes. So even when you're feeling really upset and inconsolable, that feeling WILL pass and you WILL be happy one day when you're ready. Don't try to rush it, just take as long as you need.

    There are some lovely ladies on this website so pop back if you need to rant or want any advice xxx

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