Thanks born sleeping, I shall have a look. I want to be as comfortable as possible but don't really want to be completely out of it after. How long were you in labour for? Xxx
Hi nalc12, the midwife told me I could be in for days, but I responded quite quickly to the tablet I responded within an hour of taking it. It took me 12 hours in total but the first 6 felt like period pain being honest. The last 6 I definitely needed the medication. I will be thinking of you and hope you respond quickly like me. I took an I pad for us to watch a movie and to keep my partner entertained as you are just waiting, I also took magazines and an I pod to listen to music. Just pack for being there for a while. We were not told it could take days so I only packed one set of clothes for ed and I, thankfully I was only there one night! Bottles of water are useful too. Xxxx
Hi nalc12, just want to say thinking of you and will be thinking of you on Thursday. Xxx
Thanks born sleeping. Very emotional day xx
Nalc12 - I've been thinking about you today. Xxx
Hi ladies, after being induced on Thursday at 4pm Harley was finally born sleeping this morning 27th Feb at 4:50am. My world at present feels completely shattered xx
Nalc12, my heart felt condolences, I know what you mean!!! It is the toughest thing I have ever done. Just remember your an amazing mummy, he may not be with you physically but he will always be your special little boy. i found having people I could show pictures of him really helpful it made the process more real and enabled me to feel like a mum. I am thinking of you. Xxxx
We're all thinking of you nalc12, sending much love and wishing you strength at this very tough time x
Born sleeping - I feel this experience is just indescribable, absolutely heartbroken. I've shared a photo of Harley with a few close friends and I do also feel this helps. I'm so proud of my little boy, my arms ache for him. Hoping to register his death tomorrow, something I would never have dreamed I'd be doing but I understand it is an important milestone. How are you doing? Xxx
Thanks Danielle xx
Hi Danielle, I so know what you mean about your arms aching, you hold be proud of Harley he was your special boy and nothing can ever change that. I always tell myself that Harry was and always will be my special boy my first born. I have Harry's cremation on Monday and I am dreading it, my final goodbye, I just want to do him proud. I have started to think about how I can fundraise for Harry's condition of posterior eurethral valve. This is helping me as it makes me feel connected to him but also doing something positive out of something so traumatic and difficult. also don't be harsh on yourself if you cry, or even if you have a day of not crying! I remember having a day last week where I didn't cry then feeling guilty because I hadn't cry!!!! How did today go, been thinking of you.
I know what you mean about having days of feeling guilty for not crying.
I feel like I have moved on from the raw pain and crying and now I am just enveloped by a feeling of emptiness and that nothing will ever be the same again.
Born Sleeping I hope everything goes well for on Monday.
I feel that I can't move forward until we have the funeral. We have started to put together some readings and my mum has made a special blanket for him to be wrapped up in. It's been difficult.
We are still waiting for a date for Huw's cremation. We have been given no information or had any contact from the hospital regarding if the post mortem has been done or not. It's so frustrating!
We also got a letter from the hospital stating the have started a serious untoward incident review of what happened. I'm starting to strongly believe that my Huw needn't have died and that the hospital could have done something to save him, which is just adding anger to our pain.
Gosh I can't even image how much more confusing and distressing the process of waiting and also that the situation itself should never of occurred. I truly hope you get some answers and honest ones at that. I know too about that empty feeling and feeling numb. I think arranging Harry's cremation makes it all so real too. Saying goodbye will be so tough but I understand I too need to do this to keep moving forward. Thinking of you both. Xx
Sorry for the delay I had a few problems with the site not allowing me to post. I will be thinking of you tomorrow, I'm sure you will give Harry the best send off possible. That's a lovely idea to fundraise. We've decided on Harleys birthday every year we are going to do something we would never do normally and do it for a heart related charity. We have Harleys funeral on the 22nd March and we are taking donations for Sands. It actually felt good to register his death. As difficult as it was it was nice for him to be registered and acknowledged and the lady doing it actually started crying which I was very touched by. I've not had a day of not crying yet but understand what you mean. Natalie Xx
Phillisda- sorry to hear you don't have a date yet. I'm struggling with choosing hyms, are you having any? That's lovely that your mum has made a special blanket. It's just a horrendous situation that no parent should face. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Can you call the hospital regarding the post mortem? The thought that negligence may have caused such a devastating outcome must be absolutely horrific, I won't even try to imagine. I really hope you get some answers soon. Xx
Hope you both manged today as well as you could xx
so sorry for your loss
so sorry for your loss hun. its something no mother should have to go through. i gave birth 4yrs ago to my daughter who was born sleeping at 39+4 and it still to this day leaves a void in my heart despite now having a 2yr old son and expecting a little girl. you will experience many feelings over the coming months and just want to say allow yourself to grieve x
How are you getting on ladies? Thinking about you xx
Yeah I'm doing ok, Monday was tough but was such a beautiful sunny day to say goodbye to my little man. Back at work properly now and actually having a bit of a structure and normality in my life is probably quite positive. I still have moments when I just suddenly cry music seems to get me!!! I think what I am finding now is that everywhere I look I see babies or pregnant women I am so much more aware of them. Went into John Lewis today after work to get my friends new baby a pressie and had to leave. it brought back memories of me being pregnant and looking at what I might purchase made me feel tearful. How are you? When's Harley's funeral? Xxxxx
I cannot begin to imagine how difficult Monday was but it was a beautiful day. You have done really well to return to work, I can understand structure being good though. I agree with music, I also seem to find a connection with the majority of songs that I can relate to Harley somehow. I completely agree with you about pregnant women / babies. I went into boots and got stuck behind two women with baby discussing baby things and I nearly had to leave. No matter where I go they are there. I went for a coffee with my mum and there was a woman breastfeeding a newborn boy and my heart sank. I just wish so much things could have been different but I know it can't be. I miss being pregnant, it's such a wonderful feeling. At the moment I'm getting through the days, i feel a lot of time is spent on autopilot. Harley's funeral is on the 22nd March, reallyreally don't know how I'm going to face it yet. I've typed up the poems and my speech for the order of service today. The reverend is coming to see me in the morning xxxx
I too am struggling with babies. Had a bit of a Breakdown at the GP the other morning as there was a lady there for her 6 week check up with her newborn. I went into my appointment and the GP asked me how I was and I just cried. So hard. I went to visit my parents who live in a rural area in Australia for the past 2 weeks so I really haven't had to run into any babies and I have been living in a bit of a bubble. Now I'm back in the UK I'm having to face reality and it's hard.
I live in an area of London called Nappy Valley....there are kids and babies absolutely everywhere. I never noticed it that much before!
Have you gone back to work full time Bornsleeping?
I am planning on starting back part time next week. I work from home for all my office tasks but do have to go out for meetings etc. So hopefully can ease back in.
I struggle to write a shopping list at present so who knows how I will be at work! Fingers crossed.
We have been given a date of 31st March for Huw's cremation. It's really hard for me as all my family is back in Australia so it's just going to be me, my husband and his parents.
My sister in law's wedding is the following day on 1st April so I think that week will be bittersweet.
We are not religious but the chaplain from the hospital said he is happy to do a non religious service for us. It's been hard to find readings and poems that are not religious, however my husband found this one below which I think is very poignant and that you both may appreciate.
The world may never notice If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,Or even pause to wonder If the petals fall too soon. But every life that ever forms, Or ever comes to be, Touches the world in some small way For all eternity. The little one we long for Was swiftly here and gone. But the love that was then plantedIs a light that still shines on. And though our arms are empty,Our hearts know what to do. Every beating of our hearts Says that we love you.
Stay strong xxx
ladies I will be thinking of you both. Phillisda that poem is beautiful. I am now back full time at work but I do think maybe I pushed myself too quickly I'm shattered this weekend. I do find it keeps me distracted though. Been making an area for Harry in my garden today the area is full of flowers and an apple tree now. I find doing things like this helps me feel closer to him in some strange way. I cant imagine how difficult it is without your family being near by although I bet it was lovely to see them for a few weeks.
here is another poem I love that was in my memory box:
forget me knots
i am yours though your heart breaks
i am the one you could not wake
i am the bud you see on a tree
i am the one whose spirit runs free
i am the bulb you may plant in the spring
I am the sound when you hear the birds sing
i am the one who could not cry
i am the one who had to die
i am the bees you hear hum
i had no voice to call you mum
i am the flowers that fragrance the woods
id be with you if only I could
forget me knots that's what we are
i grow in your garden not very far
i am the heart broken in two
i am the one who belongs to you
i am the one you could not share
i am the empty place left there
so really you see me in everyway
forget me knots for everyday xxxxx
I have planted some forget me knots in the garden because of this poem xxx