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Gave birth to my sleeping beautiful boy xx



  • Nalc12 just wanted to say been thinking of you today. It's tough but I guess it helps being able to say goodbye for now but never forgotten xxxx

  • Hi ladies, sorry for the delay didn't see your posts. Beautiful poems I put 3 lovely ones into Harleys service. Thanks ever so much for remembering it was his funeral. It was a tough day but we gave him a wonderful send off surrounded by those who loved him and I felt like saying goodbye was finally setting him free

    How are you doing? Harry's garden sounds lovely, we are doing the same bit by bit xxxx

  • Hi ladies 

    iam 38+3 weeks and found out today that my little boy Jacobs heart has stopped. Im going to hospital on Friday to be induced how on earth do you find the strength to go through delievery I feel like my heart has broken into tiny pieces im trying to be strong as I have a 5 year old boy but I'm just finding it very difficult xx

  • Oh Chamilto....I'm so sorry to hear this. I know a little of the pain you are going through.

    Hopefully Nalc12 can chip in here as she had to go through a similar thing.

    All I can say is that you do find a way to stay strong, and to let kniw that you do get through it, not sure if you ever get over it but you do most definitely get through it.


  • Chamilto, my heart breaks for you. I am sending you lots of love and strength. I lost my little boy Harley at 31 +4 and the thought of having to deliver him was one I almost couldn't comprehend. 

    Like Phillisdsa says you do get through it. An inner strength from somewhere does come and even though a lot of time is spent on autopilot your body manages to do what it has to. 

    Harley is my first child so I'm afraid I can't give any help on what to say to your little boy, that must be very difficult. 

    Please don't feel like you are alone, as you aren't. 


  • What happens afterwards? The doctors words were we will be able to choose how to dispose of the body. We will be able to bury him won't we? And have a proper funeral? 

    im sorry my posts are very to the point I have such a headache since finding out and just can't think straight. 


  • Don't worry about how you put things. We understand.

    Yes any baby born after 24 weeks has to be either buried or cremated and you will get to have a funeral. You can either do this privately or often the hospital will arrange it for you.  You will also have to register his birth.

    There is a really good website with lots of information run by SANDS which I found very helpful.


  • I'm sorry the doctors words were so blunt how insensitive. I arranged harleys funeral as I wanted to do that for him. 

    You've an awful lot to think about and you will find that you are constantly thinking of things so if you have any questions we will do our best to answer them for you. 

    Sands is invaluable xxx

  • Thankyou to both of you! 

    I'm going to try my best to go to sleep the only way I think the pain will stop I will have a look on sands tomorrow. 

    im sure I will think of lots more questions to ask you both. Xx

  • Okay hun, try get some rest if you can. Fire away with your questions any time. You are in my thoughts, it's a very cruel world xxx

  • Hey firstly I would like to say I'm so sorry about your losses aswell i never imagined that it could happen to me and im sure you were the same. 

    Its such an unimaginable pain and leaves you with so many questions and thoughts. 

    we have had alot of family come over today and what do you say when they say 'im sorry' I no they don't no what else to say but I dont no how to respond. 

    Im finding it tough that I still have him inside of me and yet I can tell he's gone my belly has dropped and sags I can only imagine it's because he's now floppy? I keep seeing myself in the mirror and its hurts everytime I close my eyes I see the scan again of his still heart. when he is born will they still weigh him? I no it seems like a silly question but it's one of the things I couldnt wait to find out they estimated him as a big baby xxxx 

  • I found talking to people tough at first. When they said they were sorry it was all a bit awkward. I totally get how you are feeling.

    I learned to just go with it because no one really knows what to say or do as it's such a sad and rare event. And that is totally ok....

    No one really expects you to say anything back at all.

    When my Huw was born they went and weighed and measured him. I also got footprints and the nurses took some photos for us. We got a special pack that was a bit of a memory box with some candles etc in it which I still have. They will take your baby away (if you want, we did as I was so ill so we let them do this for us) and wash and dress him and do the photos/ prints etc. 

    You will get to spend time with him once he has been born as well.

    Just let me know if you need any more questions answered 


  • We have told our son now and he took it a lot better than I was expecting. We told him to the point that jacob was poorly and has died he knows he is still in my belly and that he will come out soon I said we will have a party to say goodbye to him. He gave us a cuddle and went off to play in the garden. 

    i dont think its going to take long now I have already started having contractions and there getting strong already every 4 mins but they only last a minute going to hopefully get oliver to bed and then go to the hospital xx

  • Chamilto I hope that everything goes as well as it can. My thoughts are with you during this very difficult time.

    You will find a strength that will get you through this. 

    Please keep us updated and please don't hesitate to post here or PM me if you need to talk or ask any questions.


  • Hey hun, 

    Thank you, no  you don't ever expect it to happen to you. 

    There isn't appropriate responses to I'm sorry apart from perhaps thanks and that doesn't really go.  I found there weren't really any appropriate things for people  to say to me either. You will get people asking if you are okay, and whilst of course you are not they don't know what else to say. 

    I find it hard knowing I'll always be that person who lost their baby. Not that I'd wish it on anybody else of course but I know you will know what I mean by that. 

    It is awful knowing they are there inside you, I lost Harley on the Tuesday, got induced Thursday and gave birth Saturday morning. 

    Yes they will certainly weigh him for you and the midwife and I dressed Harley. 

    As Phillisdsa says I also got a memory box from Sands with a variety of bits in it, very comforting given the circumstances. 

    Have you spoken to a bereavement midwife? 

    I am pleased your little boy took the news better than you thought. 

    Hopefully your labour will be quick and as straightforward as it can be. I will be thinking of you constantly and send you lots of strength. 

    Just remember you have already been through the worst day of knowing little Jacob is gone, you will get through this next physical stage. 

    Only a message away xx

  • thats what I'm not looking forward to all the looks at the school one of the mums walked over to my sister and just hugged her I no I will break down if that happens to me. 

    Its horrible that they make you wait for so long today has just been an awful day of staring into space pretty much. My husband isn't coping very well at all cried all night and all day. 

    Weve chosen the clothes we want him to wear I packed a nappy is that weird I just feel weird dressing him without a nappy on. No I haven't spoken to anyone yet they said there will be someone there to talk to me when we go back in xx

  • I know what you mean. Hugs for some reason break you it's like you can try be strong until someone hugs you! If I've learnt anything from this horrific experience it's that sometimes you just have to say what you feel and what is right for you, if you have to say please don't hug me then so be it. 

    Yes I know. Time takes on a different concept when this happens I find. I still now sometimes find that I'm completely in my own world and couldn't say how long I've been in that state for. You have to go with what gets you through. 

    Really sorry to hear about your husband, a lot of support seems to be tailored towards women so men can feel they don't know what to do. SANDS does have a section for dad's so it may be worthwhile him having a look. Men do grieve differently to women so you may feel that you are reacting differently at stages. 

    That's lovely that you have picked Jacob's outfit, I did the same and that was important to me. No its good that you have packed a nappy, they will want one on him anyway as his bladder/bowel will empty at some point. Plus like you feel you wouldn't dress a baby without a nappy. 

    I hope you have a very supportive team around you. How are the contractions? Xxx

  • Jacob Thomas Fletcher was born at 11.05pm on the 19th May. He was so perfect in every way possible. He weighed 7lb 15oz but he was so long and had really big feet and hands. The Chaplin came and gave him a blessing. 

    A lovely lady called Theresa came in to take photos and moulds of his hands and feet and lots other things she was lovely and the photos are gorgeous and capture him perfectly I would like to share one with you but wanted to check you were Ok with seeing it. 

    We said our final goodbyes at 9.30 last night I could have stayed forever the thought of never seeing him again is breaking my heart even more. 

    My husband has been brilliant an I couldn't have asked for a better support during labour it all happened so quickly at 9.30 I was only 4cm dilated and pushing by 11 and he was out in 5 minutes I'd planned a epidural so I didn't feel it but it was to quick and now I'm glad I felt it all. 

    i didnt expect the after pains to be so bad  feel like I'm in labour all over again there gradually getting wrose how long did yours last? 


  • I'm so pleased that you had a positive experience in such a difficult situation. I was never offered hand and feet moulds and that is my one biggest regret that I didn't ask about that. 

    As for the pains afterwards. I had some cramps but they subsided after the first night. Are you still in hospital? I would ask the midwife about it if so. 

    Im glad you have some lovely photos. I have some but my Huw was so bruised and battered I couldn't share them. I'd love to see your photos if you are happy to share. 


  • There is a lady who used to work at the hospital as a midwife but she had to stop for medical reasons and she started up a charity Where she does all the photos and feet moulds and they done prints etc. She's touched some of the photos up where his skin was coming away I really didn't expect that aswell as the blood from his nose.

    i said to the midwife before we left and she said they can last for up to 4 days a midwife will be ringing later so will tell her how bad it is. 

    Nalc12 are you ok to see a photo x 

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