Gave birth to my sleeping beautiful boy xx

Hi there, I have been reading old posts of people having to go through the trauma of giving birth to a sleeping baby. I went to my 20 week scan and was told that my baby had several abnormalities detected. He had an enlarged bladder enlarged kidneys and a blockage in his erethers that affected the amount of amniotic fluid . I gave birth to him on frI day 12th feb 2016 and he was just perfect but was sleeping. This was the most difficult thing I have ever done but you do find inner strength. It seems that a few days after I just can't stop crying. How do you get through the pain and feelings of emptiness. I look at my now flattish stomach longing for him to be back inside me so I can protect him. Any advice. Xxxx

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  • Oh Born sleeping, we're so so sorry for your loss. 

    Did you decide on a name for your baby?

  • Hi Born sleeping, we are so very sorry to read about what you're going through.

    Sadly there are a few women who post here on MFM who know exactly what youre going through. They may not have seen this thread yet so we're going to mail them now and let them know about this thread.

    Wishing you much love and strength.

  • Hi born sleeping. I went into labour Friday evening and gave birth to my beautiful boy at 2.13pm Saturday. He was also born sleeping after we lost his heartbeat and they just couldn't get him out quickly enough. He was 27+3. Based on all the scans a normal healthy boy. I had a problem free uncomplicated first pregnancy so we are completely at a loss to why this happened.

    I have no answers to how to get through it, I think you can only take things one moment at a time and hope you can built up to taking it one day at a time. 

    I too feel like I have let my little one down because I couldn't keep him safe inside my tummy. I keep thinking if I pushed a little harder or started pushing earlier things might have been different but I know that type of thinking is not helpful in the longer term. 

    I hope that you can find some peace. We have started a memory box so that is helping us xxx

  • Thank u for your kind words xx

    i have started to do my memory box and this really does help. Phillisdsa you are in my thoughts and I am very sorry for your loss.  I think the key now is to take one day at a time.  My little man was called Harry. My special boy x

  • Much love and strength to you both, Phillisdsa and Born sleeping (Harry's a beautiful name).

    Do please keep posting, if it would help – even a little. We really hope it does.

  • Hello ladies, sorry to hear such sad news. My little boy Harley has severe heart complications and is not going to survive. I'm going to the hospital on weds and as it stands will be giving birth to him sleeping next week as his heart will not withstand delivery. I'm 30 weeks tomorrow and absolutely heart broken. I don't know how I'm going to cope with the labour and everything surrounding it. Xx

  • I'm so sorry to hear that Nalc12. That must be absolutely heartbreaking. I can honestly honestly say the support of my husband and family has been essential. I hope that you have someone or some people there to support you. 

    We named our boy Huw.

    Much love to you both xxx

  • Hi nalc12, you do get through it somehow you find the inner strength. I have to say the midwifes I had were amazing I had morphine for the pain physically but emotionally my partner and the midwifes were my rock. The experience was also just beautiful I got to see hold touch my boy. It was a moment I will never forget. Having the opportunity to have him sleep in his crib in the bed with his mummy and daddy was just wonderful. I would say having a memory box with his footprints handprints etc really help. Your In my thoughts and if you want to chat further I am more then happy to.xxx

  • Ps love the name huw just beautiful xx

  • Hi Ladies,

    sorry to here about all of your loses. I went through the same in June last year. I went to my first scan with my hopes really high and the midwife found a complication with my baby. She had something called exomphalos which mean the baby's insides are on growing on the outside. I had different scans at two different hospitals and in the end I was told that it was to severe and that my baby wouldn't survive. On the 26th June 2015 a gave birth to my little girl sleeping, it is the hardest thing that I have ever experienced in my life, luckily I have an amazing family and an amazing boyfriend who have supported me through everything. On the 6th August we lay her to rest at our local church and it was a lovely service, I felt like I could move on after that and that it gave me peace of mind knowing where our baby was.

    All I can say is that time will heal, things will get better. You will never forget your baby and the experience that you went through but it will make you a stronger person. I really hope this helps xxxxx

  • Hello, I've been to the hospital today. Getting induced next Thursday. The waiting is awful xx

  • Yeah I know, it is very difficult waiting. I kept myself busy but also made sure I enjoyed every moment with my baby boy . he seemed to love music and would kick frantically so I spent 1-1 time just him and me in the bath listening to music and talking to him. I made sure I had written down all my memories so I would never forget them. I brought him a blanket and teddy I slept in and with for several nights so I wrapped him in it when he was born. I found this very helpful as it hel

  • Sorry my computer shut off, I was saying I found it useful to wrap him in a blanket I got him. I think being able to start saying goodbye is a good thing. It terms of the labour itself you will be amazed how great you are and what a wonderful woman you are. I promise you you just get on with it. I found having pain relief of morphine very helpful physically but psychologically make sure you have a great support network. You are so in my thoughts your not alone. Xxxx

  • It sounds so lovely to have had time to prepare. I wish I had known what was about to happen so I could have made the most of those moments with my Huw. I still miss him kicking me and keeping me company.

    I am so traumatised by the birth, I didn't have any opportunity for pain relief and I had an emergency forceps delivery and episiotomy. 

    I found my surgery and spinal block afterwards the nicest and most relaxing part of my day, if you can believe it.

    Take all the pain relief you are offered!

    I've decided to start counselling as I am worried about how affected I am by what happened. 

    The hospital has admitted that there were things they could have done better and are launching an investigation. Apparently a letter is on its way to me. 

    It's heartbreaking for me to think that there might have been a different outcome. However at the same time I don't think holding onto anger and blame will help me through either.  

  • I also felt traumatised by the birth, I wasn't prepared of what was going to happen. I was in labour for 26 hours and lost a lot of blood and nearly had to have a blood transfusion. My midwife told me that this was one of the worst she had seen with giving birth to a sleeping baby. I felt lucky that I had my mom and partner around me all the way through and his mom is a midwife which was a HUGE help! I had gas and air and also an injection in my leg. when my baby was born I chose not to see her because of her condition I felt like it would really affect me, my partner and his mom went to see her though and he said she looked so peaceful.

    will be thinking about you Nalc xxx

  • im glad phillisda that they are launching an investigation this may help to answer some questions. I am so sorry to hear that your experience was so traumatic . Like you say counselling maybe worthwhile to help you process what happened. I was so naive befôre my experience thinking pregnancy and birth were just so natural . Makes me realise how fragile the whole process is. I have found writing any positives down of my experience really helpful. I must admit I have had moments thinking why me , but that is not a good way to look at things. U ladies are all in my thoughts and I like to think we are all special not only are we mummy's but mummy's to beautiful angels xxxx

  • Born sleeping - thanks for your message. You are right, I've been so focused on getting this done that I have forgotten I've still got precious time left with my little boy. I've bought him some premature clothes to put on him and I'm taking a blanket and teddy too. Going to get prints of his hands and feet and take some photographs. It's just awful that the happiest time of your life turns into the worst. I assume they will discuss oain relief with me next week, i would like to be as comfortable as possible. I also worry something will go wrong with delivery. Your words are very kind and I'm very touched thank you. It can really feel like you are alone. 

    Phillisdsa- I am so sorry to hear that you had a nightmare delivery that must have been so distressing on top of a horrendous situation. I think counselling sounds like a good option and I hope it helps you. I cannot begin to even imagine what you are going through if the hospital have not acted in a proper manner and followed procedure. You are very brave and equally right that holding onto anger cannot change the situation as difficult as that is. 

    I'm so sorry ladies that you have had to face this, it really isn't fair. Hugs to you both xx

  • I should have refreshed the page didn't realise there had been more responses sorry. 

    Amy- ever so sorry to hear about your traumatic birth. What a lot to deal with. I am quite scared to look at my little boy once he's born but I think a lot of that is to do with the situation, I've never seen anyone who has passed before. I know i shouldn't be scared as it's my baby. 

    I agree born sleeping, this is something that makes us even more special xx

  • Thanks ladies for your kind words.

    Nalc12 - I am sure that you will be very well looked after and that they will do everything to make sure you are comfortable. 

    I have to say the support I got after the event was wonderful and I'm sure that will be the same for you as well.

    I haven't up until now felt like much of a mum, but I think I also agree with what you said born sleeping, we are special mummy's of angels.

  • Nalc12 I would research your options and discuss them with them. I had diamorphine via intravenous and I was in control of it. I had a button that would release the morphine when I needed it plus gas and air. The pain was much more manageable with this, but I was quite dazed by the drugs so my partner for the first two hours he was born had to dress him with help from the midwifes. I then had cuddles and he then slept in his Moses basket in our bed together for a couple of hours. I loved those two hours in bed with his mummy and daddy . Xxx

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