Just miscarried: need some support

Hello.

If you’re reading this thread, it’s likely you’ve recently suffered a miscarriage: we are so sorry for your loss.

We also wanted to let you know, you are not alone, especially here on the forum.

Sadly, miscarriage is something many of us experience and we know how important it can be to have a place where you can talk to others who understand how you’re feeling and what you’re going through.

So that’s what this thread is for. 

Please do come and say hello – we’re sending you virtual hugs.

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Posts

  • Hey there ladies. My boyfriend told me I should talk to someone so here goes nothing. We had been trying to conceive for 8 months and were so excited when we found out we were pregnant. I did everything I could to insure a healthy pregnancy. I ate right, exercised daily, took better care of myself than I ever had before. We had our pregnancy confirmed and told our parents and siblings. We went in for an ultrasound and there was nothing in the gestational sac. I immediately knew something was wrong. We should have been at least 7 weeks pregnant. The next day I had bleeding and cramps, and passed the gestational sac at 2am the next morning. That day it was confirmed. I had miscarried. I went to work, acted like everything was fine, told everyone I was fine. We had a long weekend for Memorial Day and I held it all together when we were around our family. Once we got home, I was empty.  Nothing mattered anymore. 

    I just want to be back to normal, but I feel nothing.

  • Hello ladies

    Firstly I want to say how sorry I am for anyone going through a loss it’s the most devastating thing to have to go throughimage

    You absolutely are not alone there are many of us going through or have been through the same experiences at varying stages.

    A bit about me!

    I call myself MMA( missmyangels) I’ve been on here for some years now!

    I have 3 beautiful children aged 15,11 & 7 yrs old.

    I had a missed miscarriage between my first and 2nd born a complete shock as a very healthy 28 year old with not a lot of knowledge about miscarriages at that time.

    I only have 1 Ovary & Fallopian tube due to a large cyst found during the birth of my first baby it was removed during an emergency Caesarean section. I put my first miscarriage perhaps down to that but after much research realised it was more than likely chromosomal.

    I was devastated & people had no idea what to say to me so it went unspoken about and I just carried on:/

    I had my daughter and another son no problems text book pregnanciesimage

    We decided to go for our 4th and final bundle at age 37!

    We were pregnant within 4 months and elatedimage

    early scan perfect, 3 months scan perfect ,but at 5 months I noticed reduced flutters I had a home Doppler and noticed a reduced heart beat so after 3 days of arguments with midwives I finally had another scan and our baby had passed away the days beforeimage

    2 days in hospital labouring I had a little boy we named him Oliverimage Tiny but perfect, we laid him to rest in January 2014. The pain I couldn’t bare  but this time I kept talking about our little boy as he is very much a part of our family image Talking was a big healer for us it took months for me to feel ‘ normal ‘ again!

    Hubby and I discussed everything before we left the hospital & agreed to try again as it gave us a new focusimage

    we fell pregnant again within 3 cycles but as soon as we saw a positive test I had a miscarriage termed a chemical pregnancy. I coped much better as somehow I hadn’t become attached. We moved forward after a few days of tears and tried again! Pregnant again within 3 cycles again a chemical pregnancy happened. 

    I decided to see a fertility specialist and had bloods taken etc and all was normal. We tried again and had another MMC at 12 weeks the foetus was tested this time and it was indeed chromasomal Trisomy 18 I believe it was called incompatible with life.

    After a D&C we tried again but this time after a year nothing happened unfortunately my remaining Fallopian tube was damaged during the procedure:/ I had a lap & dye test to confirm the damage last August. They told me at my fertility clinic I have unexplained secondary infertility and unlikely to conceive!

    Well I am now 10 weeks pregnant to our surprise but am very anxious and developed a fear of ultrasound rooms! I am forcing myself next week to be scanned and find out if our 6th attempt is doing ok!

    So ladies as you can see I’ve been through most stages of pregnancies, births and miscarriages! I’ve managed to pick myself up and carry on with the amazing support of my beautiful husband. It is incredibly important to share your experiences and keep talking and in time you will begin to heal and feel ready to hopefully start your journey again.

    These amazing forums kept me going and made me realise what an amazing support system we are for each otherimage

    If you need to talk I (we) are here for you sending lots of hugs to you all

    MMA XXX

  • Krimlong I promise you faithfully you will begin to feel ‘ normal’ again it’s early days hun give yourself time to rest and heal. You need to cry and talk and you will slowly piece yourself back together. Me and hubby had a short 2 day break together and spent time doing what we enjoyed it really helped:) sending you huge hugs and please take care of yourself and keep talking with your partner 😘

  • Hello All, 

    ive recently just been through this, now feeling very confused and emotional. It’s been nearly 2 weeks now and still feeling the same. Really hoping it stops soon and I can just get on. I had only told my husband and my best friend who is now Over due with her baby so find it hard to speak my emotions about it 

  • Happy2try I’m so very sorry for your loss big hugs to you 

    2 weeks is nothing to get over a loss hun it will take much longer but the pain slowly eases and it goes towards the back of your mind bit by bit but will crop up again when you think about your scan date or your due date. It really will get easier but slowly! Keep talking it really helps:) This is a very good first step to moving on realising how common miscarriage is and how you aren’t alone:)

    Stay strong at shout and cry if you must it’s part of the healing process!

    Its very hard when friends are due I know only too well and we smile and carry on when inside it kills:/ Thinking of you xxx

  • I‘m feeling a little better today after a normal day of work and taking care of my household. I’m sure things will get easier with time, but I still have moments when I feel pretty useless. 

  • That’s good Krimlong I find just getting on with things helps, that’s how I deal with the ups and downs of life! Keeping busy and you suddenly realise you’ve thought about things a little less:)

    Those feelings of being useless will creep back but become easier to cope with over time:) hope your days continu to slowly get better xxx

  • Hi Happy2try & KrimLong23,

    We were all in the due in jan thread. Again I am sorry for your loss. 

    I miscarried on saturday, the day my other half proposed. It was all going nice until I started have bad cramping and bleeding. I couldn’t believe the day turned into one that was meant to be one of the happiest days of my life to one of the saddest. 

    My partner and I have been TTC for over 18 months. We were under a fertility doctor who said I was not producing eggs or ovulating. It turns out I ovulate around day 22 not 14 like they say is the ”norm” (which is frustrating as everyone is different) 

    We was overjoyed at the BFP and finally falling pregnant at 35. Only this was short lived. 

    When I went for my last scan they said I had a large cyst on my ovary that I fell pregnant from, I wonder could this have anything to do with why I had a miscarriage?

    Since I found out on Saturday my emotions have been all over the place. I have pushed away the people most important to me. The anger and rage, then the constant sobbing

    My partner and I are contantly arguing. I’m hurting so so so much but he can’t see that. I know he is hurting too but it’s like he wants to row with me

    I just feel so alone and don’t know what to do anymore. 

  • Last week I found out the same that my baby's heart beat had stopped :( I was 16 weeks. As every day goes on it's getting a little easier but still I feel broken, like a big part of me is missing. This has been my 3rd loss, 2 early miscarriages at 8 week, around 6 years ago and this one that happend last week :( 

  • So sorry for your loss Sami it’s not easy at any stage in pregnancy but you are more attached at the 12 week mark thinking all is well as we are led to believe it’s the safe zone! I’ve lost at 12 weeks and 20 weeks aswell as earlier losses so no ‘safe zone’ as far as I’m concerned until baby is born! :)

    I hope you feel able to try again soon and get your sticky bean and a beautiful rainbow baby 😊

  • Blondie keep talking to your partner sit and have a conversation about what’s happened perhaps over a nice meal just at home for now . Get everything out in the open and off your chest, talk about if you both feel ready to try again or would like to wait until your married etc 

    It took 2 yrs for me to fall pg this time! It’s so hard I know:/

    I had a large cyst on my ovary which grew due to the pregnancy hormones and I lost my ovary /tube but still conceived with one :)

    You do get a cyst on your ovary when you fall pg which they can see clearly as that’s which side you ovulated from and the side the pregnancy came from :) ask for a follow up appt and a re scan maybe to check on things it can’t hurt maybe it will shrink on its own or a simple procedure can remove it if it causes problems 

    I hope you can sort things out it’s early days yet give yourselves time to grieve 

    hugs to you xxx

  • Hi blondielauz 

    Firstly congratulations on your engagement but I’m am so sorry that the day ended up in sadness for you. 

    It is so hard to know how to deal with. My husband isn’t the best at talking about things so I have just sort of got on with it, for just over a week i couldn’t sleep in my bed all night, i would go to bed, manage about an hour and then end up on the sofa. Things are getting easier but some days I’m so bloody mad and so confused about it all 

    Hope everybody is ok 

  • I’m sorry to everyone, it’s honestly one of the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced and I’m sure we are all feeling similar. 

    My biggest worry is that I might miscarry again, or never have the chance to have a successful pregnancy. Thats probably an irrational fear, but that’s all I think about. 

  • Thanks missmyangels :) I had my guard up from the beginning thinking don't get your hopes up. I'm going to try again, I need something to fight for. 

    Hi krimlong, don't give up :) there is always a chance that things can go wrong but there is also an even bigger chance it can go right, we all just have to think positive no matter how hard it may be :) 

  • i Agree with Sami. We need to be positive and have something to work towards. It really sucks and it’s a horrible feeling. I am sitting and praying for af to hurry up and come so I can start meds again as that was the only way we managed to conceive. 

    I was so angry when it first happened. It took us over two years to conceieve and then we lost it. I still do get angry as it’s still fresh as it only happened last week, but as the bleeding stopped I took it as a way that my body is ready to start again soon. The only positive I took from this experience is that my body can get pregnant, as up until this point never had a hint of a positive test before. 

    Fingers crossed for us all that we get our bfp soon xx 

  • I was the same NDG, took me 6 years to conceive and then when I started to think more positive as I was past 12 week it all ended at 16 week. I ain't going to let this break me I'm going to fight it and make something positive out of it :) 

  • Sami that’s a great way to look at things:)

    Ive never let all my miscarriages beat me! My fertility specialist told me take each miscarriage as a stepping stone to a healthy baby! I was a little thrown by that statement tbh at first but he really did make perfect sense!!

    HEY NDG hope you are okay xxx

  • Thanks for all the positive words. It’s lovely we can have a thread like this as we have all been through it and can support one another.

    I pray I see each and every one of you on a new “Due in 2019 thread”

    Sending so many positive vibes...lets go get those BFP and pray for successful pregnancy 

    😘 xxxxx

  • Hi all, 

    i has my first 12 week scan yesterday to be told that there was no heartbeat and in fact baby had probably stopped growing at 6 weeks. 

    I‘m absolutely devastated and heartbroken. This was my first pregnancy and they have called it a missed miscarriage. ive had some bloods and am due to go back in for more but I’m not sure what happens now as I’ve still not bled (since the LMP 7/3/18) 

    I feel like a failure and the fact that I knew so early on and have been getting more and more excited when actually its too late  

  • Hempk I'm so sorry for your loss, it's heart breaking and I know what you are going through :( . Did they not give you an appointment to go in? The 2 times this has happend to me they have gave me an appointment to go into hospital were they will give you medication to start things off. I'd give your early pregnancy unit a call and enquire about it xx

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