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Looking for some advice - had a miscarriage, which route do I go down now to manage it?

so I was told last Friday that our baby had lost its heartbeat, I was 9wks5days, now just over 10wks and struggling to decide which route to take as the next step. I had originally deicded to opt for surgery (or D&C) but when I got to the hospital this morning and it came down to it I had a bit of a freak out and thought I’d made the wrong decision. I’m now leaning more towards the medical management option. So basically inducing the miscarriage and having it managed in hospital with painkillers etc but then having to go through contractions and passing the pregnancy. I didn’t like the thought of not being in control of my body during the surgery and I really didn’t want to go through with it, but then this sounds awful aswell for different reasons. It’s like asking if you’d like to be stabbed in the left eye or the right eye?! I’m usually so good with making decisions and knowing what I want but with this I’m honestly at a total loss. I have no idea what to do and time is running out. Has anyone on here ever been through either of these procedures and could give me some insight into their experience? I’m so stuck and feeling the pressure :(

Replies

  • Hi lovely,

    Sadly I can’t help with your decision - like you said they both sound awful.

    I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I remember you had an early miscarriage as I did a couple of months ago and was so happy for you when I saw you’d fallen pregnant again. 

    Lots of love xxx 

  • Hi tamzin Thankyou for your reply, yes it’s been a bit of a blow yet again :( just want it to be over with so we can look to the future but I need to make a decision before we can do that. Never felt so much pressure in my life, honestly no idea what to do :( 

    hope you are doing okay, how are you getting on?

    xx

  • I’ll be honest, I don’t really understand the choices you have to pick from but I can imagine that neither are nice. Such a difficult thing to have to go through. I’m sure whatever you choose will be right for you xxx

    Well after getting what I thought was my period two weeks ago, I had a positive test last week, but blood result today was very low again so I’m thinking it’s happened again to me too - just not fair 😔

  • Thankyou, yeah I hope so.

    aw I’m so sorry that’s happened to you again :( when will you know for certain? its so hard and you just feel like giving up but one day we will get there :) xx

  • I have another blood test next Wednesday, so I’ll get the results and find out on Thursday. 

    My husband said we need to keep positive. And I’m sure we will get there in time, I just wanted it to be this time xx

  • Yeah, hope for the best but prepare for the worst. That’s what I always say :) its so cruel that for someone this is the reality, we will endure these horrific times but it will make us that little bit more grateful for our little ones when we finally get to meet them :) xx

  • I guess they say ‘nothing worth having comes easy’ - we’ll get there in the end and it’ll all be worth it xx 

  • I can only advise you of my experience with n DNC it was completely painless, I didnt suffer from any adverse reactions to anaesthetic and my bleeding stopping after 2weeks. 

    My friend had the medical managed and she said it wasn’t that bad but did bleed for a while but she only had a sac to pass. But it is a safer option x

  • You’re right Tamzin and our time will come I promise. Stay strong xx

    thankyou Lillian, im starting to realise everyone’s experiences with each one are different but yes I think the medical management is the safest option you’re right. Thank you for taking the time to reply

  • Aleeah be careful with D&C (D&E). It can leave you infertile with scarring on uterus.

    I had D&E on January and lost 1l of blood during the procedure that was supposed to be easy and quick. D&E is one of the most common reasons behind Ashermanns syndrome. 

  • Mag I completely understand that and would second that ... I am someone who has had an emergency c section.. spesis of The uterus from the c section and had to have a d n c as I retained products so my chances of ashermans is Really high but the d n c process wasn’t a bad one for me and I just wanted to give my experience. 

    But as I stated medical Managed is safer x

  • Lillian sorry to hear that. It's good that you recovered and you're ok :) Sometimes you have to do it and there is no other way. And sometimes you just feel that it's better for you. 

    But there are serious risks to that like being left infertile and I don't think that doctors in hospitals tell you much about it. Risk for Ashermans is quite high (14% after first D&C to 32% after three). And this is something I wasn't aware before I underwent the procedure as no one ever told me. Mine D&E was a nightmare, I lost too much blood, they couldn't remove placenta and eventually after 3h they gave up and left me with remains of my two babies inside and blood clots still in my uterus. It took me mo

    Both methods have got their own risks. And both can be dangerous in different ways. 

  • So sorry for your loss. I had a D&C a few years ago, and can honestly say it was fine. No problems whatsoever - i just wanted it all over with and to out it behind me, and having the D&C felt like the cleanest way to go about it. I was fine afterwards - no issues (apart from bleeding which is normal) 
    Be kind to yourself lovely x

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