Everyone is having a baby and I can’t cope with it!!

I am really new to all of this so please bare with me. (This will be a long post so I apologise in advance)

Basically, I have been with my s/o for 3 years and around 10 months ago I found out I had miscarried(i Didn’t even know we was expecting) it was really hard but as bad as I sound I was surprisingly okay, anyway within 2 months I had really sore breasts and they felt lumpy and painful so I went to my gp and he told me to do a test. I found out I was pregnant again. I was in total shock and didn’t know what to do. I went home and told my s/o and that was that. (The doctor told me to go back the next day). I went to work as usual (having no sleep too!) anyway I went to the toilet and I was spotting and my heart sank I know it sounds silly but I was immediately attached to this baby and actually felt pregnant???. I went to the doctors and they told me it was a threatening miscarriage and gave me a scan appointment for a few days later. That night I was bleeding severely and went to the hospital. They refused to scan me as they said my cervix was closed and I wasn’t bleeding heavy enough?? they took my bloods and told me to come back for my scan. 

I went back for my scan for them to tell me my baby wasn’t there. They said it was a pregnancy with an unknown location?? All they advised me to do was go back for bloods the following day. When I got my blood results back they saw a massive drop in my levels and all they said was ‘you’re just very unlucky, you can always try again’ I was so angry. My heart broke and I’m a still not over it now. 

I now now feel like there’s a hole in heart and im craving for a baby. I had to go to my Gp as I have had 1 period since so they took my bloods and asked me to do a repeat. I got a phone call saying that the doctor needs to a see me and I’m so anxious. They asked to see me Later that day but I was working  so had no way to get there in time as I was working so now im booked in for next week.

My mum was a young mum and now she is pregnant again, I have around 15-20 friends who have announced their pregancy recently and I have many family members who are pregnant and I can’t  help but feel envy and I cant  feel happy about it. They have asked me to scans and baby showers which I can’t bring myself to go to and I look at all the people who was expecting the same time as me with their newborn babies and I just wish it was me(my family is huge and everyone had around 4 children each at least) so why am I struggling. I know the time probably isn't right for me and my s/o but I can’t help but crave a baby and get a wave of jealousy when i see people with their babies or their scan pics/or bumps. 

Im so worried about my results too!! 

Am i being selfish and an idiot or is how I’m feeling normal?? 

I know this was very long so I do apologise! I’ve just tried not to leave anything out x

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