Forum home Pregnancy Miscarriage & pregnancy loss


I could do with some advice/ support .
In 2017 we found out we’d lost our little boy at a 16 week scan, we were completely broken. I’d had babies before but other than 1 early loss at 5 weeks I’d never been through anything like this before. It’s true they say you never get over it but you learn to live with it. It made me so ill.... mentally I really struggled, I wanted to try again straight away it was the only way I could cope on what had happened. After another very early miscarriage I had a beautiful healthy little girl.
Because of my age when she was only around 6 months I decided a wanted to try again while I still could I guess.
I fell pregnant and just a few weeks ago I found out I was having another little girl we were so happy.
Then this week we were told there was no heartbeat and my little girl is gone. I will go to hospital to have my baby Tommorrow. I’m broken again. 
I guess I’m looking for coping strategies and advice because last time I didn’t cope at all well, I need to be strong for my other children.
Also I know it’s very early to speak about trying again but I think it’s inevitable I will, I’m 44 in a few weeks so I know time isn’t on my side. Am I just too old? My kids range from 1 year to 21. Does anybody have any similar story’s x


  • Hi @Autumn76. I’m so, so sorry you are experiencing the Pain of losing a baby again. It truly is heartbreaking. How far along are you? 

    We lost our baby boy at 20/21 weeks in 2018. His heart had stopped and I was totally broken. We already had 2 children and they were devastated too- the whole family were. I got pregnant again pretty quickly as I was totally obsessed. It felt like it was the only thing that could help me deal with losing Jacob. Unfortunately we lost that baby at 11 weeks. Luckily we now have our rainbow Matilda who is 8 months and is amazing. 

    Being a bit older myself, I know that Age can be a factor in losing babies because of the egg quality so it depends how determined you are. I’m no spring chicken either, I’ve just turned 39. But for me, age is just a number. And you only need one strong egg don’t you!!!! If it’s what you want, I wouldn’t give up. 

    I wish I could help to take your pain away- it’s heartbreaking. Coping strategies is a difficult one. Getting up and looking after your other children seems like a big enough ask for the first few weeks. It’s so hard. I found writing things down helped and coming on here to be honest. Just being in contact with others who’ve been through something similar. Also, talking about your baby with people you’re close to. I also wear a bracelet with Jacob’s name on and a baby grow on and it helps me to feel closer to him. 

    Sending you a big virtual hug and lots of love.xxxx

  • Autumn76Autumn76 New
    edited Apr 24, 2020 6:41AM
    Thankyou for your lovely message.
    Im really sorry for your loss too, it is heartbreaking so cruel that you get to a point of being hopeful and looking forward for this to happen.
    my little boy I lost at 16 weeks this time with my little girl I should have been 19 weeks today but she’s measuring only 16 too. Like you I thought last time getting pregnant again was the only way I could cope, it took a while but I did eventually and she lit up my life again I was obsessed too. I don’t know any other way to get through it, I think other ladies must feel like this or at least I’ve been told they do.
    just feel so sad and obviously scared for today. I love her so much already. 
    I don’t have many people to talk to so I’m hoping being on here may help also, all I can think of to do so far is keep myself as busy as possible..... but after she’s here I don’t know if I’ll have the energy or motivation to do that.
    I remember so well the feeling of being inside that bubble giving birth at this point puts you in xxxx
  • It’s just horrendous. The love grows immediately from the very first positive test doesn’t it. 19 weeks is so long. It’s just devastating to get so far but not bring your baby home. You tend to feel ‘safe’ after the 12 week scan, unless things have gone wrong in the past. That’s what I missed in my pregnancies after losing Jacob- that excitement and ignorant bliss of assuming things would be easy and go well!!! I was just a nervous wreck. 

    You have the strength to do this and hold your baby girl. I know it will be heartbreaking and to have to go through this again is just so, so unfair but unfortunately you have no choice. It’s just tragic.

    I hope you’re managing to cope.xxxx

  • I really admire your strength, and am curious to know how you’re doing. I just recently suffered a loss and had my D&C yesterday, so hearing your story of persistence, willingness and an open heart is so inspiring to me. It helps me face my fears of trying again. I really appreciate you sharing, it helped me a lot today. 
  • @HopefulMom28 so sorry to hear of your loss- it’s utterly heartbreaking. Things will get better, it just takes time.
    sending you lots of love.xx
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  • Hey
    so sorry for your losses!
    i too have now had 4 losses and no babys yet, we lost our babygirl almost 2 weeks ago 21/07/20, i had to deliver her as i went into early labour, we are truly so heartbroken and in shock. 
    I dont know how to cope with it, apart from as you said above im wishing time away for my 6 week check up to hurry up to maybe try again. 
    Did any of you ladies start trying again before your 6 week check up?
  • Hey I lost my baby at 12 weeks. Went in for for my scan, brain deformity and had to decide to terminate as it wouldn't survive past birth if that. 

    Absolutely sucked. 

    I feel quite bitter and its such a horrible thing to feel because it's absolutely no one's fault. Now I'm terrified every pregnancy will end this way. Urgh. 
  • Awwe @Coconutfoxx I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. That’s heartbreaking. Sending you lots of
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