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How Long Did You Stay Off Work?

Hi Ladies,

I have just found out that I am having a miscarriage. My husband and I are devistated and can't believe what is happening. I am taking some time off work. I'm worried about how long I can take off work. How long is too long to stay off? My doc said to take as much time as I need. When will I feel ready to go back? xx


  • Hi Angel cake.
    I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I hope you and oh are looking after each other. xxx
    I haven't been through this myself but a chap in my team at my work went through a miscarriage with his OH. I would really echo what your doctor said; only you will know when you are ready psychologically to go back to work, so dont rush into going back if you don't feel ready. You might want to go back and interact with people after a week of so, but it might take longer, in which case i guess youd have to go back to the doctor to get a sick note, but unless your work are particulalry heartless they wont have a problem with it. Even if they are heartless there isnt an awful lot they can do if you dont feel youre ready to return .
    Also remember that your oh can also take time off (for himself) and also to support you.
    Take care of yourself, i want to say think positive, but i bet thats easier said than done right now. Big hug xxx
  • Hello Angel Cake,
    I'm really sorry to hear off your loss.
    With regards to how long to take off work, how long you medically need depends on how far you were when you miscarried, whether you miscarried naturally or needed surgery etc.
    I miscarried on a Thursday night in hospital at 10 weeks, and passed everything myself (what a nightmare!) almost straight away. The gynae saw me on the Firday and told me I would be ready to go back to work on the Monday.
    I was like, "!". I saw my gp on the monday morning and she signed me off for the week. I'm glad she did because what followed the mc was an enormously heavy period and I couldn't have coped with that at work.
    I also needed the time to adjust to everything and clear my head, and grieve.
    So, having miscarried at the end of one week, I took the next week off. By the end of it though, I was wishing I could go back sooner as being home with just my thoughts wasn't good. (Even if you are signed off for a while, you can go back sooner).

    So ultimately, it's up to you. At first I thought I would never feel ready to go back to work but I was surprised by how quickly I just wanted to get back to normal. I found going back to work really hard, though, it was like the baby was officially gone.

    Just to add to that, I don't know what your employer is like, but if they do get the hump at your taking a long time off, they are in breach of the gender discrimination act which says that any absences due to pregnancy cannot be borne in mind for disciplinary procedures or when looking at promotions/demotions etc.

    Again, sorry for your loss. I know how much pain you must be in at the moment. It does get easier.

    Take care honey x
  • hi, sorry to hear of your loss, its certainly a rough time. i had a mmc discovered at our 12 week scan so had to spend a day in hospital which was a saturday and passed everything that day, i returned to work on the wednesday as did hubby as he took a few days off too. i didn't want to be at home alone with all my thoughts and although the first day was hard it got easier and was def the right choice for me. xx
  • I had a natural mc on the Friday and went back to work the following Tuesday. I wasn't happy just sitting at home thinking, work helped take my mind of things by keeping me busy - it was definately the best choice for me.
    So sorry to hear of your sad news .
  • I was totally different. I am a supply teacher and teach in the infants, so really couldn't face going back to work for quite a while (too many small children and babies). I ended up taking about a month off and went back at the beginning of November.
  • my time off was sort of governed by my job. I'm a vet and I'm on call every 5th weekend, and one night each week. my bleeding started a weds night, and was exam'd gynae ward after going to A&E. had a scan next morning, and bean was still alive with a heartbeat. had that day off, someone else did my on call for me that night, then went in for an hour for some stuff I had to sign next day, then had the rest of the friday off too. Worked monday-weds but bleeding continued and started to get clots and pain so had a repeat scan on the thursday morning and bean was gone. had thursday (was supposed to be on call, so someone did it for me again) and friday off. I was due to be on call that weekend, and tho my work were lovely and said I didn't have to go back if I didn't want to, I did work the weekend, as I felt bad other people had covered me (they had to do their own nights aswell as mine).

    Part of my decision was also helped by the fact we already had a week's leave booked at the end of the following week, so I knew I only had to get through a week. That first weekend was tough, not helped by the fact 2 out of the 10 clients I saw that weekend were pregnant women. But it did help me sleep better, as the work tired me out. Sleeping more soundly seemed to stop my dreams too (I was having dreams about repeat scans where they said they were wrong and everything was still ok).

    I thnk this is a very personal decision, based on how you feel, what environment you work in etc. But remember if you do go back and you can't cope, you can have more time off again.
  • Hi Angel Cake

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Most of us on here have been through the same thing, so can sympathise with what you currently experiencing.

    The way each and every one of us deals with it will be different, and there really is no right or wrong way. You should take as much time as you need. You will know when it's right for you to go back to work.

    When I had my mc, I had a scan on the Monday evening to reveal an anembryonic pregnancy, went to the EPU on the Tuesday, then had surgical intervention on the Wednesday. Unfortunately I had to go back to work the next day, since there are only the two of us where I work, and my business partner was on holiday. In retrospect, this was probably too soon. I hope you work somewhere that will give you as much time as you need. Big, bug (((((hugs))))).

  • sorry for your loss angel! its up to you how long you feel you need off, i had a d&c on fri. and went back the next fri. it was easier for me to be at work then at home thinking about everything at home just made me cry even more! good luck hun we are all here if you need to talk or rant!! *hugs*
  • Hi Angel Cake - So sorry to hear about your loss, we've all sent you a great big hug on here! Anwsering your questions is like "how long is a piece of string" because it all depends on you and how you feel. Some people want to get back to some kind of "normality" with their daily life to help them to cope with their loss, whereas others need more time alone to deal with their thoughts and grieve. I found out on the Thursday that I had a MMC via a scan, I had to wait a week to have another one before the hospital would do anything (I think they were hoping that bean would come away on its own) I went back into hospital a week later for another scan, and again on the Saturday to have medical management of the MMC. I had one week off after coming out of hospital, and so had 12 days off work in total. By that time my house was spotless (when I'm stressed, I clean!!) and had painted the living room and dining room to get rid of the nervous energy I had so I was ready to go back to work and focus on something else.
    But like the other ladies have said on here, listen to your body and do whats right for you. If you need a few weeks off, then take it. Nobody will feel badly against you, you have just gone through a terrible experience which you need to deal with in your own way.
    This forum has been a great support in helping me to recover from my MMC (which was on 10th October) and me and my OH are trying for a baby again after being visited by AF last week. Its a bloody hard time, but you will get through it and when the time is right you will be ready to try again.

    Lots of love and hugs, take care of yourself xx
  • Unfortunately I am still on maternity leave, so I have no choice of going back as of yet. I must say I probably would have liked to do something after a few days. Being alone in a house is not a very good thing when all kinds of things go through your mind.

    I think I would have been ready a week after erpc. Must also say I probably wasn't able to go back between finding out and the erpc, which was almost a week. I was just to emotional than.
  • Thanks ladies, like you all say, it takes time. I've been sleeping a lot since it happened. I'm staying with parents for a few weeks. I might go back to work next Wed. I got married last year and since then everyone in work keeps asking me when I am going to have a baby and "are you pregnant yet?" I'm not looking forward to that when I go back - but I'll just have to get on with it. People just don't realise what they are saying.
  • Hi guys, 

                  Found out i was having a miscarriage on wednesday, was in pain before that work know the reason why i havent been in, however i got a phone call saturday asking when im gonna be in next!! I  i havent had anything apart from painkillers given to me and im still in a lot of pain and still bleeding i dont want to go back to work even though i didnt know i was pregnant until it was to late i still feel emotional and tired and work just dont seem to get that! 

  • Hi becks8500 - and welcome to MadeForMums!

    So sorry to hear what you're going through.

    You've happened to post on quite an old discussion thread, though, so it may be that folks won't see your post.

    Would you like us to make a new thread for your post?

    There are lots of people on MFM Chat who have, unfortunately, been through the same thing as you, and we're sure they'll have some great advice to share with you.

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