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New person, had miscarriage last sat- feeling really guilty
Hi- really sorry for long text but have no idea on the short hand language!! I had a miscarriage last sat- would have been my 3rd child. Had PCOS before my first so took ages to get him, my second I conceived really quickly but had nightmare end of pregnancy- threatened pre-term labour from 29 weeks but managed to have 2 live babies so did not imagine this would happen. Feeling so so guilty as didn't know I was pg so had a few drinks, had some coffee etc (things I was religious about not doing with my first 2)- we weren't ttc so it was a total shock aswell and I've now convinced myself it was my fault even tho doctors said it wasn't- all the websites say alcohol and caffeine are contributing factors to miscarriage. Also feeling guilty for posting as I've got 2 babies already so do I have the right to be as upset as I am? I keep crying at drop of a hat and have now become obsessed with trying for another baby- are these normal reactions?
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I am so sorry about your miscarriage. Just reading through your post makes me so sad. Please don't blame yourself - all the stats say that the VAST majority of miscarriages are down to chromosomal abnormalities. If you think about what actually goes on with the exchange of genetic information it is no wonder really. I always think that it is amazing that things don't go wrong more of the time.
If you think about the number of women who have drank through their pregnancies years back, I honestly don't think a few drinks makes any difference at all (my mum drank through both of hers, totally oblivious and had two successful and healthy pregnancies). I honestly don't think a few drinks makes any difference at all. Think of all the babies conceived on drunken nights out. And about the coffee - they say you can have a couple of cups a day anyway. I honestly think that even if you had double that you would still be fine.
It is totally normal that you blame yourself and think about what you could have done or shouldn't have done but the most tragic thing about miscarriages are that, in the majority of cases, there is absolutely nothing that can be done to stop them.
Look after yourself and be sure to post on here if you need to talk - the women on here are fantastic and really understand.
Love Kristen xx
The what if's will drive you crazy! I completely mirror what Kirsten has said. Miscarriage is cruel and traumatic enough without you punnishing yourself. We are all here if you need to talk. x
I am on a massive guilt trip at the moment- guilty for all the things I did wrong when I was unknowingly pregnant, guilty for a small part of me wondering how I was going to cope with 3 children age 4 and under, guilty for losing my patience with my two rascals at the moment becasue I'm feeling down and most of all feeling guilty for feeling sorry for myself when I already have 2 gorgeous children.
There- tirade over and I feel better already! I think I am probably down as well because I'm on antibiotics for an infection caused by the miscarriage and they always make me feel rundown.
I'm just realising that it helps to put it down in writing!
I am so sorry to here about that. I have just had an early pregnancy miscarriage (chemical pregnancy) it was only early but very upsetting. I thought is it something I've done. I became obssessed with reading into everything & it just made it ten times worse. My advice would be try not to read into things too much on the internet & in books etc, they will only worry you & alot of it isn't necessarily true to you, everyone is different. It's not your fault, & it's nothing you have done I asure you. Unfortunately it's one of those horrible things.
Lots of luck for next time for you xxx
I am so sorry for yor loss, I have also done the guilt thing and the what ifs so know where you are coming from, we have all analysed everything we did and wondered if it could have been different but you must not punish yourself, like kirsten said most miscarriges are caused by chromasonal problems which is totally out of your control. The girls on here are fab and have been a great support to me since my mc 6 weeks ago and i am strating to feel normal again but yes totally obsessed with ttc again.
Give yourself some time to grieve for your little one and talking or typing here really does help.
Lots of hugs for you.xxx
I am so sorry for your loss I cant really add anymore to what the girls above have said.
Guilt is very common when greiving along with so many other emotions.
You cant punish yourself & cant feel any less pain just cause you already have 2 children every loss is devastating.
The pain will gradually become easier & we are all here, talking about it when your ready really helps hun.
Sending you lots of hugs xxx
i could have written this post. i have 2 little girls, 4 & 2 and have often felt that i have no right to feel a loss, also my mc was very early and i'd only known i was pg for a couple of days, so why did i feel so upset. what happened to me was nothing compared to others. although we were ttc we had a lot going on at the time and i was very stressed so convinced myself i'd caused the mc. my eldest has special needs so i'm selfish for having another, its less time for her the list goes on and on!!
don't be too hard on yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever feels right. i don't think anyone ever thinks mc will happen to them, especially when you've had babies. you are not to blame.
i really hope you feel better soon xxx
People have been trying to "make me feel better" by saying oh it probably hadn't even formed etc making out it wasn't a life so why am I grieving. I've tried to explain that it is the hopes and dreams that go with that life that hurt the most but I honestly think that unless you have gone through it you won't understand. I certainly didn't understand when my friend miscarried and although she reassures me I wasn't insensitive I had no idea what she was going through.
I have to go back to work tomorrow (I had the summer hols off to be with the children) and although I have handed my notice in (as this has been a wake up call to quit the stress) I am dreading it. I don't know whether to be open about what has happened or not. My boss knows but do you think I should tell my colleagues?
By the way- is it normal to get splitting headaches a week on? It says on some sites that headaches are normal but I would have thought they'd have disappeared by now!