Feeling sad and lonely

OnMyGame8276 · Feb 27, 2010 3:53AM

Hi, Im feeling really down today, its been two weeks tommorrow since my ERPC and the bleesing hasn't stopped so I guess I need to ring the hopsital. I just want it to be over so I can finally move on and try again. I also think my hubbie is lying to me. We both used to smoke and I have given up for a while but when I fell pregnant my hubbie was smoking. He did give up when I was pregnant. When I had my mmc we did both have a smoke that weekend because we were so upset but then we agreed to stop striaght away again. I am worried that maybe him smoking had something to do with the miscarriage, quality of sperm or something?? Anyway he has told me that he hasnt smoked since but a few days when he has come back from work I could smell smoke on him which he denied and then I found an empty packet of cigarretes in his pcoket a few days ago that he claimed was from ages ago. Its really upsetting me because he doesnt usually lie but he is getting really defensive and that is usually a sign something is up. The thing is if he said he was smoking again I would deal with it and be okay, it is his life i cant tell him what to do, it is the fact he is lying that I cant bear. I know that he knows i really want him to stop and I guess I do feel that if he has started again he isn't taking the mmc seriously!! I dont know I feel so confused and it is really affecting me. I also have loads of people asking me if Im ready to start going round for coffee and things again but I just dont want to. AAHH!! I have a freind with a two week old and a 20 week pregnant freind and I just dont want to at the moment.

Sorry for the rant, day hasnt even started and I just want to go back to bed!!

Jacqui
xx

OJMummy · Feb 26, 2010 4:50AM

sorry ur feeling bad hun. if you're worried about the bleeding go back to the hospital. is it heavy bleeding or just spotting? is it getting lighter? if you're not ready to have coffee, then dont. you take your time and do things when you're ready. some people may not understand that if they havent been through this, but hopefully they will respect your decision and support you through it.

not sure what to say about your hubby. maybe he is having a hard time coping with the mc. maybe try talking to him about that (ignore the smoking issue at the moment). if he is smoking due to the stress of it all, maybe helping him with that will get him to stop or at least open up to whether he is smoking or not?
xxx

OnMyGame8276 · Feb 26, 2010 5:46AM

Thanks Pretty_pink, my bleeding is weird, it can be really light one day but then heavier the next, or split during the day between light and heavy. It is never really heavy but still a fair bit. Very confusing. I think like you said I will drop the smoking issue with hubbie, hopefully he will tell me eventually, it just really hurts when i think he is keeping things from me. I will try and talk to him tonight to see how he is coping but he isnt a big talker, would rather bury his head and carry on. Men!!!

Thanks again,

Jacqui
xx

OJMummy · Feb 26, 2010 6:28AM

i know i would feel like you about the smoking and being secretive, but im sure he doesnt mean to keep things from you. like you said, Men!
xxx

3054 · Feb 26, 2010 6:41AM

I am so glad you posted this today..... I was logging on to say exactly the same thing. I am three weeks after my operation, I am still bleeding..... all be it much lighter than before....... I feel like I am all over the place, yesterday I was really positive about everything and feeling like I could start to move on and today I feel like I have hit rock bottom again, don't want to get out of bed, don't want to do anything..... Im just so up and down. My husband keeps saying don't get too down, it cannot be helping but I just cant help it.....

I know my hormones are coming down as my levels were 116 and then 88 on Monday, I am hoping they are close to 40 on Monday..... I don't know if this is my hormones making me feel like this. I just want this all to end and at the moment I cant see any end to it!!!!!!!!

Sorry I cant be any more positive...... I probably will be tomorrow..... bloody hormones x

mlim · Feb 26, 2010 7:03AM

Bless you both, I'm sorry you're feeling bad today. I guess still bleeding makes everything worse. I know I felt pants when I was bleeding, and you do feel a bit better physically when it stops, which helps you feel a bit better mentally.
Jacquid - maybe it's time to go back to the hospital, so they can see if you have an infection or something? That can cause the bleeding to last longer. I hope it stops soon. With your husband, like pretty_pink says, maybe he's feeling sad about the miscarriage and trying to keep it to himself to avoid upsetting you (men do have warped thinking sometimes). If he is smoking then maybe it's because he's upset, and he doesn't want to tell you because he doesn't want to upset you? Would it be possible to spend some time alone together, maybe just go for a walk, or sit down on the sofa together in the evening and just be with each other, and try and talk about how you're both doing today? From what I remember from your previous posts, he sounds a lot like my husband, and my husband will never bring up the mc, or talk about his feelings easily, without me asking. He's pretty quiet, and I think feels like he has to be the man, and the provider etc. If you don't feel up to going for coffee, then don't. Don't push yourself, you'll feel ready in time.

3054: Really hope your bleeding stops soon too. I think it's normal to have good days and bad. I know I still do, Don't be too hard on yourself, you can't control it. Something someone said to me when i had depression last year which I still find really helpful was that if you don't feel like getting up and you're having a bad day - sometimes it helps to get up, sometimes you just have to be good to yourself and look after yourself for a day. You don't have to get up (for example), you could stay in bed with a cup of tea etc. But if you do stay in bed, don't beat yourself up about it. Tell yourself you're doing it because you need it, and think about how pleasant it is to be warm and safe in bed. I know men work differently to women, my husband says the same thing to me sometimes, I think it's just because he doesn't like seeing me upset, but you can't help it at the moment. You're grieving and you're bound to be up and down. Hormones probably aren't helping matters!

Look after yourselves, ladies.
Mary xxx

OnMyGame8276 · Feb 26, 2010 9:23AM

3054, im so sorry to hear how you are feeling, i read your post yesterday and you sounded so postive, its so sad to hear that you feel like this today, this bleeding is awful isn't it!! I think I know exactly how you feel, i just want to shut away and hide myself all the time. The problem is I have to take my son to school everyday and people see me in the playground and I have been putting on a brave face to people but they cant see that inside I am crying!! Its positive that your hormone levels are going down hopefully soon you will get you negative and I guess then the bleeding will stop for good? I did a test on Monday because I thought my bleeding had practically stopped it was still positive and thenthe bleeding got worse. I hate it!!

Thanks Mrslim for your advice, yes I remember from your last post that our hubbies sound similar. Its hard because I want to talk it over (and over and over!!!) but he has admitted to not wanting to talk about it. He will happily listen and support me but isnt very forthcoming with his own emotions. We usually put music on and a have a few drinks and a chat on a friday night so I will see if I can talk to him tonight.

I think I will see how the weekend goes and then call the hospital on Monday, i guess I know I should call them because it has been two weeks but I just dont want to go back there and go through loads of stuff again!! I so want to move on.

Thanks everyone

Jacqui
xx

3054 · Feb 26, 2010 1:11PM

I have had the worst day ever today. I have been crying all day... half the time I don't even now why I am crying!!!!!!! I am putting it down to my hormones.

I started my antibiotics on Tuesday and I had very little bleeding on Wednesday and next to nothing on Thursday. Today it has started getting heavier again, it is now a dark red colour...... much like my AF would be. I have been really down, getting spots and tummy pains...... I am now wondering is this my AF?

I am so sonfused...... is there anyway of knowing, because I almost came to a stop on Thursday and this feels like my AF would do. It is 25 days since my op so the dates would not be far off for an AF.

Just so confused...... what do you think...... any advice would be greatful..... am I still bleeding or is it AF..... if I am still bleeding and its getting worse I think I will go crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:\?:\?

OnMyGame8276 · Feb 26, 2010 2:02PM

Oh what a nightmare for you, i dont know but i guess it could be your AF. If your bleeding had pretty much stopped, at least for two days and this will be 25 days since op it does sound possible. Also if you have spots and tummypains that is a sign of AF. I guess the only way to tell is to wait it out and see if it finishes like a normal period would do. Perhaps though you should phone the hospital and see what they say??You did say that your hormones were dropping now so that is a really good sign.

Sorry I cant be much help, it is so confusing isnt it, let me know what happens. Fingers crossed this is your first AF and you can start getting back to normal and looking to the future and ttc properly again

It is so hard when you feel so upset, lean on hubbie this weekend and make sure he looks after you

Take care

Jacqui
xx

3054 · Feb 26, 2010 2:15PM

Thanks for the advice. Hope your situation gets better soon and no doubt we will go through the TTC part at the same time also!!!!!!!

OnMyGame8276 · Feb 27, 2010 3:53AM

Let me know how you get on, yes I guess we will be going through ttc together, its nice to be able to talk to someone who is in the same situation

Jacqui
xx

Feeling sad and lonely

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