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Back to reality and it's so hard
Hi all,
I had my EPRC 3 wks ago tmrw and went back to work last thurs, everyone knew I was pregnant, I annouced to the world and its wife at 12 weeks then MMC at 14 weeks, while I was off my boss got the work out to as many as she could and said just to be "normal" with me.
This week has been so hard, people have asked about the baby that didn't know, others have said sorry and tried to talk about it, then other times I see people and they don't say or do anything, and I feel they don't care, silly I know when thats what I've asked for!
I've tried to keep it together as best I can, I'm smiling, laughing and joking, and you wouldn't know theres anything wrong. Then my boss said this morning, "we all think you're amazing, how brave and strong you're being" and I burst into tears!
I feel I can talk about it if and when I choose to, but if other people bring it up, I get upset and even angry, as if they have no right to, this was my baby and my grief.
A friend who I haven't seen since, text this weekend about a night out and said something like "after your bad luck lately thought you'd want to" - bad luck!!! is that all it is? right! and thanks for bringing it up, felt like I'd been punched! Really made me mad, I couldn't even reply as felt like why should we have a night out cos that happened, shouldn't we just have a night out cos we're friends??
Sorry this has turned into a bit of a moan, it's helped to get it off my chest. I know you've all been there and have read that some of you have had MC/MMCs recently, how have things been for you? how do you respond??
When I get pregs next time, I'm not telling til after the 20wk scan so I don't have to deal with any of this!!
Thanks so much xx
I had my EPRC 3 wks ago tmrw and went back to work last thurs, everyone knew I was pregnant, I annouced to the world and its wife at 12 weeks then MMC at 14 weeks, while I was off my boss got the work out to as many as she could and said just to be "normal" with me.
This week has been so hard, people have asked about the baby that didn't know, others have said sorry and tried to talk about it, then other times I see people and they don't say or do anything, and I feel they don't care, silly I know when thats what I've asked for!
I've tried to keep it together as best I can, I'm smiling, laughing and joking, and you wouldn't know theres anything wrong. Then my boss said this morning, "we all think you're amazing, how brave and strong you're being" and I burst into tears!
I feel I can talk about it if and when I choose to, but if other people bring it up, I get upset and even angry, as if they have no right to, this was my baby and my grief.
A friend who I haven't seen since, text this weekend about a night out and said something like "after your bad luck lately thought you'd want to" - bad luck!!! is that all it is? right! and thanks for bringing it up, felt like I'd been punched! Really made me mad, I couldn't even reply as felt like why should we have a night out cos that happened, shouldn't we just have a night out cos we're friends??
Sorry this has turned into a bit of a moan, it's helped to get it off my chest. I know you've all been there and have read that some of you have had MC/MMCs recently, how have things been for you? how do you respond??
When I get pregs next time, I'm not telling til after the 20wk scan so I don't have to deal with any of this!!
Thanks so much xx
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Replies
I'm so sorry to hear about your mmc!
I had a mc at 6 weeks, but we told more people than we should have really and when I lost the baby it was horrible! I found that most people avoided talking about it to be honest, and even when I bring it up now 3 weeks later, people don't know what to say!
Its such a lonely thing to go through, I found even my OH didn't really understand the extent to how I felt. I just cried myself to sleep every night and it was just awful.
The things people say will make you angry! The amount of times I heard "you're young, you can try again." And now everyone acts like nothing happened and only I deal with it.
It does get easier to live with hun, I'm only 3 weeks down the line and I've now stopped crying at night!
Lots of love to you hun
Xx
sorry to hear you are feeling like that, but rest assured i think it is completely natural and i know for sure i felt similar.
It is almost 5 weeks since we found out about our mmc and i had a medically managed mc. I have been lucky to have my period show up on day 28 so hoping that is me back to a normal cycle. But i found getting my period more difficult than i thought i would. It sort of stirred everything that i coped with up again. Crying the other night to my husband cos i was annoyed that everyone thought i was over it.
So like you i have been angry at people for assuming i am fine and not speaking about, and even referring to it in a casual sense. But at the same time i hate people who ask how i am coping, and make out like it is a big deal.
No one can win with me at the moment!
I am trying to remember how difficult it is for people to understand that have never been throuhg this, and also remembering that i was strong and did not want any sympathy when it happened. But now i want it, but whoooa no one better show me it cos what they feck would they know!
Unreasonable but what happened to us was not reasonable. I am not actually falling out with anyone, but like you i have been left seething at friends texts etc.
No one else may get it, but we do!
xxx
It's hard isn't it, our feelings are all over the place and no one really understands. You're right Kat about being unreasonable, you never quite know how you're going to react to things!
Thanks for your messages, makes me feel I'm not alone in this strange place I've ended up in!!
Lady; our MC happened around the same time - May was not a good month for us!! Hopefully the summer will bring BFPs and sticky beans for us!!
Kat; thanks for the heads up about the AF feelings, am expecting mine next week so will try to be aware of that. I just can't wait to start TTC again. Good luck on your first month if you're TTC (and thanks for replying to my other post, I didn't get round to replying to you)
I've felt a bit better today, no one's said anything silly to me! I guess you get used to it, there are still certain people I'm actively avoiding or not looking forward to seeing as I know it won't be good! oh well, put that off a bit longer!!
Hope you both have wonderful relaxing weekends, look after yourselves xxx