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just need to let off some steam and rant a little!
Feeling a bit shitty today so i just need to rant! ![:\](https://forum.madeformums.com/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
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I had my MC 3 weeks ago today, and i must admit it feels like a lifetime ago. I have coped really well with it all, and was very lucky that i had no complications and after the initial mc i only had light bleeding for a week.
I have stayed positive through the whole experience and we started to TTC as soon as the bleeding stopped.
Over the past couple of days i have been feeling really irritable and moody.... thinking it may be a sign of AF making an appearance. So suddenly the realisation that i am going to get a period has really upset me. I am not upset that it would mean we haven't conceived since the mc, i am upset that it is like another confirmation that we lost our baby.
So this is where my frustrations come into play... i have gotten through this by disconnecting from the baby and viewing it as a pregnancy that had stopped. For those friends and family who know about it, that is how i have described how i was managing to stay positive and declined their well meant condolences. I wasn't grieving, i was going through a horrific process but i viewed it in medical terms. Obviously we were devestated when we were told we had a mmc, but my coping mechanism was to refocus.
We had another check up scan this week and were given the all clear. So of course i was pleased about this as it meant i no longer had to worry about getting a d&c, infection etc. But my friend text to see how i got on, and i replied telling her that it had all cleared and she replied back saying 'fab news!'. Now that was well intended and it is good i don't have to worry and can focus on starting again, but it's not FAB NEWS!! Now my attitude to this again hints to me that AF is looming!
So i am sort of feeling a bit sorry for myself i suppose. I feel like as i have been coping so well, everyone is assuming that i am over it already, and i have no right to blame them for that. I feel like that if i had broken my leg then i would be getting more of a sympathetic ear than i am now!! This is so unreasonable of me, as i didn't want all the tea and sympathy at the time... i don't even want it now... i just want to not be feeling like if i broke down in tears that people wouldn't think i was dragging it out or not coping as well as i had portrayed. I have coped well and I AM coping well, but i am surely still allowed to feel down?!
I am sure nobody would think what i have concocted in my own head, but i am not really feeling very rational at the moment :roll:
Just a down day i suppose, and sometimes due to having to go through such a cruel and unfair experience you just feel like the world is against you. People find it difficult to speak about it, cos at the end of the day they have no way of knowing how you feel. It is awkward for them, so when they see you coping well this makes them feel more comfortable. My wonderful husband who has been amazing through this is now becoming guilty of that. But again i can't blame him. No one can understand how you feel, the fact that your first period could be what upsets you etc.
Anyway rant over! Sometimes it just helps to get it all out your head!!
xxx
(I had my MC 3 weeks ago today, and i must admit it feels like a lifetime ago. I have coped really well with it all, and was very lucky that i had no complications and after the initial mc i only had light bleeding for a week.
I have stayed positive through the whole experience and we started to TTC as soon as the bleeding stopped.
Over the past couple of days i have been feeling really irritable and moody.... thinking it may be a sign of AF making an appearance. So suddenly the realisation that i am going to get a period has really upset me. I am not upset that it would mean we haven't conceived since the mc, i am upset that it is like another confirmation that we lost our baby.
So this is where my frustrations come into play... i have gotten through this by disconnecting from the baby and viewing it as a pregnancy that had stopped. For those friends and family who know about it, that is how i have described how i was managing to stay positive and declined their well meant condolences. I wasn't grieving, i was going through a horrific process but i viewed it in medical terms. Obviously we were devestated when we were told we had a mmc, but my coping mechanism was to refocus.
We had another check up scan this week and were given the all clear. So of course i was pleased about this as it meant i no longer had to worry about getting a d&c, infection etc. But my friend text to see how i got on, and i replied telling her that it had all cleared and she replied back saying 'fab news!'. Now that was well intended and it is good i don't have to worry and can focus on starting again, but it's not FAB NEWS!! Now my attitude to this again hints to me that AF is looming!
So i am sort of feeling a bit sorry for myself i suppose. I feel like as i have been coping so well, everyone is assuming that i am over it already, and i have no right to blame them for that. I feel like that if i had broken my leg then i would be getting more of a sympathetic ear than i am now!! This is so unreasonable of me, as i didn't want all the tea and sympathy at the time... i don't even want it now... i just want to not be feeling like if i broke down in tears that people wouldn't think i was dragging it out or not coping as well as i had portrayed. I have coped well and I AM coping well, but i am surely still allowed to feel down?!
I am sure nobody would think what i have concocted in my own head, but i am not really feeling very rational at the moment :roll:
Just a down day i suppose, and sometimes due to having to go through such a cruel and unfair experience you just feel like the world is against you. People find it difficult to speak about it, cos at the end of the day they have no way of knowing how you feel. It is awkward for them, so when they see you coping well this makes them feel more comfortable. My wonderful husband who has been amazing through this is now becoming guilty of that. But again i can't blame him. No one can understand how you feel, the fact that your first period could be what upsets you etc.
Anyway rant over! Sometimes it just helps to get it all out your head!!
xxx
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Replies
Sorry you're having a terrible day.
I can't say I know how it feels because I've not been through MC myself. I do know emotions can be up and down and can take some time for all the emotions to work their way through. People will usually say kind things, and whether that triggers off good or bad feelings is hard to tell until it happens. If you have a coping strategy, then it helps at least on the surface, and if you need to, by all means have a HUGE RANT on here - it's what we're here for, to listen, to not judge, to just offer support.
Hope that's helped, even if just a little.
Gina
xx
I know exactly how you feel. Its also been 3 weeks for me too and I too was focusing on ttc but in my heart i know that the witch will rear her ugly head soon. Its bringing it all back and I dont want it.
Everyone just thinks im a strong person and that its just one of them things and ill get over it. Its so hard.
Ive just found out my friend who is 8 weeks ahead of me(when i was pregnant) is expecting a girl. I am over the moon for her, I just wish I could of shared her excitement.
Ive even cancelled our holiday. We were going away at the end of June when I would of been 20 weeks but i thought just incase i get pregnant again soon then I wouldnt want to travel in the first 12 weeks incase something like this happened again. But I think it might take longer than i first thought.
I have taken lots of ovulation tests and nothing. I just think that I wont ovulate this month. Hubby is trying to understand but thinks im becoming a little obsessed with TTC.
Your not on your own xxx
I remember seeing your posts as I was going through mine (about 5-6 weeks ago now), and I remember really hoping that your story would end better that mine, so I'm really sorry for you that it didn't.
It's a funny process - I also was generally fine, and I think that overall I still am, to the extent that I did get annoyed by people checking that I was ok!
My biggest sister was the worst, as she was all woried that I was going through something she never had, and she felt that as the eldest, it was her job to experience all the bad stuff first, so she could prepare me and my other sister!
Other sister was completely opposite and other than on the day I told her has not even mentioned it, but I think she figures that if I wanted to talk, I'd mention it!
Now, I've had my first AF (always planned on obeying the midwife, but a lovely case of post-miscarriage thrush forced the issue!) and we are about to start the serious TTCing again.
I think now I am just mildly sad a lot of the time, but I am happy enough, I had a moment where I realsied I had a lot to be grateful for, and hopefully next time will be more successfull - I have said to my mum and sister that if it hapens again, I may be slightly more upset, but I still know that statistically it a possibility, even if there are not any issues, which sucks a bit!
On a positive, a girl in my office who had a still-birth 3 days before my wedding, at 7.5 months is pregnant again, and I'm more worried about hers going well just now, as she's had so much tragedy in her life... Her EDD is a day after mine would have been... Ho hum...
Sometimes things do just suck a bit!
Lxx
I think we all just feel a bit hard done by, don't we! And quite rightly so! It's cruel.
AmberL I remember you also and I saw your post asking them to take your name off the EDD list, I was not long behind you!
Like you I've thought about the fact that we may go through this again. U actually dreamt about it last night! But it's all about positive thinking!
Sun is shining today so hopefully my mood will lift!!
Xx
I could have written your post myself! I get offended by most things people say. I've had the whole "your young you've got plenty of time" and "you can try again." This just shows me how much they don't understand! Is my baby gonna come back and continue growing when I'm older? I think not!
It also feels like people have forgotten already. Because I'm putting on a brave face people just act like nothings happened. I cry in bed most nights because that's when it all hits me. I feel like I'm burdoning people if I keep getting upset. I feel like if they've moved on then I should too. OH has been to football twice this week and I crave those evenings with him but I don't feel justified in asking him not to go. He seems to have moved on. He's focusing on ttc again and I am too but that doesn't mean I want to forget about the baby I lost!
I'm sick of telling everyone I'm ok. I better than I was last week but I'm not ok about it. I think if I could cry once in a while and let it out to someone id be better but I don't want to bring it all up again!
Its such a lonely thing to go through because no one understands unless they've been through it.
Sorry I've just ranted about myself really but just wanted to let you know you're not alone in how you feel.
I hope things get better for you soon hun. Lots of love
Xxx
I understand what you mean about your husband going out. I just want us to shut the door on the world and just be the two of us! I've got a girls lunch today and I don't want to go, I just want to stay in with my husband. I've never been needy like this before!
Thank god we have here to do our ranting!
xxx