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MC - Friend doesn't think I've grieved enough

I had a mc about 10 days ago, it was all very sad as it was a planned pregnancy, we'd only just found out we were expecting and I was around the 5 week mark. Although its all very sad and both my husband and I have cried, questioned ourselves cried some more etc, we are both comfortable in our own minds that it was just one of those things and taken a positive of -we know we can get pregnant'.

Mid turmoil I turned to my friend as she had 2 mc's over 2 years (she now has a baby) she questioned if I was even pregnant and if it was just my period and probed to see what symptoms I'd had and how many tests I done. Once she established in her own mind that I has been pregnant and had a mc she was very sweet and understand.

As we only knew for a short period of time I think I have grieved enough and although I'm still sad when I think about it, I'm on quite a positive keel. I've had a new hair cut bought a new handbag I'd put off buying before (was willing to trade up for a changing bag) and started prepping myself for take 2; but my friend seems to think that I should be more of mess and that I should be off work, and crying continually as I need time to get over it like she did. She makes me feel like some cold hearted Cruella De'Vill as she took months of counseling to come to terms with her loss. I know I'm not cold, but I'm now starting to question myself now.

When is it OK to pick up the pieces and get on with living your life? I know I have to wait a month or so to get pregnant again but I'm auguring in my mind, should I should be more upset?

Replies

  • Hi,
    Firstly sorry about your MC, but i just wanted to say I felt just like you did, i got a bfp on Dec 21st and started bleeding on Dec 29th, I was 5+2. I know i was pregnant, I had blood tests done that proved it, but I didn't let it get to me and treated it as though it was just a normal AF, just a week late. To be honest though I lost a baby at 27 weeks back in Sep so the Dec mc really didn't touch me emotionally. If it's any consolation I went on to get another BFP before my next AF was due and i'm now 7+6. Everyone deals with mc in different ways, I've seen ladies on here that have reacted worse to a chem preg than I did to stillbirth and it does make me want to scream sometimes, but then if i'd had a mc before the stillbirth perhaps I would have reacted differently.
    You shouldn't feel bad about getting on with your life and you shouldn't let other peoples opinions influence you or make you feel bad in any way. Only you know when the time is right for you.
    Good luck with TTC, I hope you get your BFP soon xx
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